


Harry Potter: In Defence of the Heart

by SteinShipping61



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Adult Harry Potter, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, F/M, Fluff and Angst, HarryPotter - Freeform, M/M, Teacher Harry, Teacher-Student Relationship, Young Severus Snape, ageswap, sevrussnape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-11-16 04:04:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 24
Words: 46,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18087083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteinShipping61/pseuds/SteinShipping61
Summary: Severus Snape is a 5th Year student at Hogwarts. Bullied by James Potter and his gang of Gryffindors, he's unimpressed to learn that James' father Harry Potter is the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. However, he soon learns the new celebrity staff member is nothing like his son.Harry Potter is admired by everyone for something he didn't earn and detests the injustice of it all. Besides that, his son has been in trouble at Hogwarts. He thought his new job would solve his issues, but they're ameliorated by something else entirely.Harry/ Snape age swap!





	1. Chapter 1: The New Job

Harry Potter sighs deeply, scouring his son James' school reports with a look of despair and disappointment more in himself than James. The 4th (turning 5th) Year is brave and confident and smart. His charisma makes everyone like him - except his teachers that is. James is the class clown and despite passing most of his pre-OWL exams last year his behaviour has been written up by several of his teachers for setting off charms in class, sneaking out, playing pranks. Honestly Harry doesn't mind that - it'd be hypocritical if he did considering his own history at Hogwarts. What fills him with anger and throws reason to the winds is one report which says James has been bullying people. 

Harry Potter was raised by bullies. The Durselys, a family so vile it doesn't bear to think about. It affects him deeply to see anyone treated like that, but for his own son to treat someone else that way? It makes him quiver in his chair, dropping the reports and burying his head in his hands, about to sob. Hermione, his wife, looks up from her desk across the office. She's the Minister of Magic and the amount of paperwork she has is enormous. The Time Turner helps through. "What is it, Harry?" She puts her quill down, concerned. 

"It's James, he's been bullying other students," Harry sniffles, wiping away his tears. "Like, physically bullying them, not just teasing," but that would have been bad enough. Hermione sighs through her nose and examines the patterns of wood grain in their floor. 

"So what are you going to do?" She asks. 

"I can't confront him, that would just make him angry," Harry reasons, staring back at his own paperwork. "I know Hogwarts is looking for a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Maybe if I was more involved in his school life I could understand it better?" 

Hermione blinks. "You're willing to uproot yourself for this?" 

"I need to be more involved anyway," he explains, opening his laptop and searching for the job application he remembers seeing. "And this means more money for us, and Dumbledore has been pushing me to get more involved in Hogwarts. Besides, it's my forte and I'm more than qualified," 

"True," Hermione agrees, her lips curling into a small smile. "You'd be a great teacher, Harry,"

"Correction: you'll be a great teacher," she grins, nodding in agreement and leaning in to kiss his cheek so softly.  

* 

Severus slumps into his seat in the vast hall, black and white contrasts splitting the classroom in half. Two rows of Slytherin, two of Gryffindor staring blankly at the teachers' desk towering at the front, above theirs. It's black, reflecting off the ceiling in a modern sheen, carved elegantly from accursed obsidian. Severus looks down from the desk and frowns to see a sloppily folded page of parchment on his desk in the crude shape of an airplane. He opens it skeptically, reading the handwriting. 

Can't wait to show everyone how much a scared-y cat you are, Snivellus. Catch ya after class, better be on your guard. 

He knows who sent it, of course. Eyes slide across to glare sardonically at the Gryffindors but not the entire group. While Severus regards their bravery as foolish and their brazen hubris repugnant he respects their determination, especially that of his intrepid friend Lily. He respects the virtues of the Gryffindors when they aren't being utilised to degrade and humiliate him. And usually thy aren't unless James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and that rat Peter Peddigrew are in control. They can rot and die for all he cares - lazy slackers, especially James, who make his life at Hogwarts a living Hell. 

He looks over at them to see James, the leader of his little clique idiotically named The Marauders grinning over at him and sticking out his tongue to the extreme amusement of his idiot followers. 

The paper is plucked from Severus' hands by a man in his mid thirties. Clean shaven, smiling brightly with untameable black hair falling around his face, his chartreuse eyes glimmering through thick round glasses. "You shouldn't be passing notes in class," he chides, the parchment disappearing in his hand in a small kerfluff! And puff of smoke. The entire class shine their eyes onto this new teacher. Some swoon, but all stare at him. 

Severus hasn't seen this with other teachers. New teachers always get attention, gaining curiosity often for their powers, abilities, niches. But this is different, and Severus can not fathom why, until the new teacher strides to the front of the class, standing charismatically before them all. His pearly white teeth make the Slytherin boy uncomfortable, as does his lively expression. An innocent, genuine kind of person Severus finds difficult to tolerate.

"What's the big deal?" He groans, sliding forward on his elbows and burying his head between them. A pencil spins between his fingers, watched by lazy eyes. Bellatrix Lestrange, a psycho by even his standards, glances at him with wild eyes through her even wider hair. 

"Are you kidding?!" She whispers, voice like a smile. 

"No. Who is he?"

The new teacher walks to the front of the classroom, tweed coat a welcome contrast to the robes they're so used to. He turns and smiles at them again, balancing on the balls of his feet with that Type-A personality of his. "Hello. I'm Professor Potter," the murmuring intensifies. "And I'll be teaching you Defence Against the Dark Arts," he announces happily. 

The class begins to trade loud, shocked whispers of- 

"It's really him!" 

"Harry Potter!" 

"...defeated the dark lord..." 

Until it becomes formless murmuring around Severus' ears, drowned out by James's much louder bragging arrogantly that his father is the new teacher. Severus stares up at the teacher and for the first time observes the lightning-bolt scar on his forehead, concealed by his fringe. "An yes," Bored with this entire embarrassing debacle, he leans his head on his elbows to sit back and watch the entropy.  "Our new celebrity," 

⚫️⚫️⚫️ 

Sorry this chapter is so short!   
My first attempt at a snarry so go easy, and gimme feedback please 💜


	2. Chapter 2: Dumbledore’s Office

The second the bell rings Severus steals from the classroom, hugging the walls as his robes flounce behind him, moving like a shadow into his own silhouette along the corridors. Desperate to escape the Marauders and their torment his heart bangs against his ribcage. He hears a small commotion from behind him and the distinct laugh of James Potter, full and booming that echoes across the old stone, soundwaves spilling into the central courtyard. Hiding just inside a doorway, the wraith waits for them to pass him before following, just keeping in earshot of their conversation. It's not eavesdropping, it's curiosity, he tells himself, trying to ignore the sunlight irritating his eyes. Can't afford to get distracted now when something so intriguing is afoot. The elder Potter, James' teacher, such a revelation. 

"With my dad as our teacher, my OWLS are going to be a breeze!" James announces brazenly. Lupin frowns, leaning it to speak quietly to his friend. 

"You might not want to say that - it could get him in trouble! Besides, won't people be more suspicious if you start excelling in subject you've previously done poor in?" 

"Besides," Sirius snorts. "How can you be sure your father will give you special treatment? I've known your dad for 5 years, he's got integrity if nothing else," 

"Are you kidding?" James shakes his head, toothy smirk on his lips which surprisingly doesn't distort his handsome features. His skin still glows, dazzling out amongst the Marauders, second in looks and charisma only to Sirius. "Dad practically dotes on me, trust me he won't let any of us fail Defence Against the Dark Arts this year!" 

"Nice one, James!" 

Severus rolls his eyes, slowing down to let the Marauders disappear ahead into the distance, cloaks floating behind them like the dementors which haunt Severus' dreams. He shakes the thoughts violently from his head, heading to Advanced Potions round the darkened old corridors, a route taught to him by Professor Slughorn to avoid the boards of chattering chickens Hogwarts school calls the future leaders of the Wizarding world. "Ah Severus, good to see you again!" The Professor exclaims with a laugh when he walks in. Severus scowls to himself, concealing his existential hatred for all things 'chirpy' which Professor Slughorn embodies the definition of. 

He slumps into a chair beside his best friend, Lily Evans who was unable to sit with him in D.A.D.A because of their difference in houses. She gives him a bright grin and he leans over the table, resting his head on his arms and staring blankly into the distance. Professor Slughorn's ramblings are lost in his own doodling in his textbook, forming the skeleton of a potion he has the idea to invent. Likely leans in, still staring at the board and whispers. "Did you see the New Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?" 

"Hmph," Severus rolls his eyes, actually focusing on the white chalk scribbling itself across the board if only to escape this conversation. "I don't see the big deal. He's simply a new teacher, nothing special," 

"He's the Boy Who Lived!" Lily contradicts with a slight squeal, bottling her excitement in tightly squeezed fists. "And he's James' father, did you know?" 

"No, but you would, wouldn't you," he seethes a little, glaring at the glaring Gryffindor tie so visible against her shirt. No, that isn't fair, she can't help her House, nor her misplaced feelings towards what seems to be the entire Potter family. "How could you like someone like James Potter?" he asks, for the ten millionth time that week. 

"Severus, he's... I don't know, empathetic. Sure he's an idiot, but nowhere near what he was last year. He's matured so much!" 

"If Hogwarts gave medals for self-improvement that might actually be worth something," Severus groans, closing his book and harshly sliding his quill across the desk with anti-climactic effect. He's too distracted to work, for reasons he frustratingly can't express. "Sorry, I just don't understand you sometimes," 

"I didn't understand that crush you had on the Malfoy boy in first year," 

"I was 11 then. Who we like now is important, we're going through exams. We only have two years left!" he watches Lily frown in contemplation. "And who we're taught by matters too, I don't want to stake my exams on the man who raised such a fool," 

"I don't think this is about exams," Lily contradicts. "I remember when you had that crush on me-" 

"That was more than a crush, but okay," 

"Can you just listen to me?!" Lily gives an exasperated sigh. Severus nods for her to proceed. "When you see someone improve like that, it tells you they have so much potential, that's why I like James. I know he could become someone great," 

"James Potter is an asshole and he always will be!" he shouts back, the class falling silent and chalk falling to the floor. Professor Slughorn looks up from his papers, eyes wide and glassy with intrigue. Severus tugs his blazer over his shoulders, retreating into the sleeves like a threatened turtle into its shell. Lily just sighs, shaking her head in sympathy as giggles and laughter fill the room. 

"Holy crap Snivellous, wait till I text James!" Voices tease from the benches. "You're in for it now!"

* 

Harry Potter feels wrong when uttering the password granted to only Hogwarts teahers when he approaches the Phoenix staircase ascending to Dumbledore's office. Nevertheless, he speaks clearly and confidently, as the incantation demands. "Mint humbug," and the stairs began to spiral from the floor. When he was at school the password had been 'sherbet lemon' but apparently the headmaster is now more eclectic in his choice of candy. 

The office is as he remembers. Wooden beams stretching across the ceiling from which hang quirky old knick-knacks, just clutter really. In the corner, on a perch made of gold sits a curious Phoenix, Faux if he hasn't forgotten. "Nice to see you again," he grins nervously at the bird, before the Phoenix eyes him up and down with some suspicion before growling at him slightly. 

"Oh play nice," he hears the frail elderly voice from atop the staircase, looking up to see Dumbledore's kindly eyes looking down at him behind half-moon glasses. "Apologies Harry, she's just started welting. We're due for a rebirth," 

 

"I'd love to see it, Professor," he admits, still pacing around to observe and admire all he can. Every time he's in this office he notices something he hasn't before, and this time it's that the far wall is dimply floor-to-ceiling overflowing bookshelves. 

"So Harry, might I ask what brings you here?" 

"Same thing that made me take this job," Harry shrugs. "My son," 

"James, " Dumbledore nods happily. "I made sure to congratulate him on his victory last Quidditch match, won Gryffindor last year's House Cup. Surely you must be proud," 

"I am," Harry nods unconvincingly. "But I'm here for another reason," 

"The bullying," Dumbledore nods. "I can't tell you who the victims are," 

"There are multiple?!!" Harry asks, then changes his mind, his brain unable to deal with that right now. "Look, I'm not asking as his father. I'm asking as a teacher who needs to know what to watch out for to keep my students safe," 

"That's the most sound reasoning you've ever demonstrated," Dumbledore admits. "But I don't believe a word of it, Harry. The reports were confidential, even to other teachers. I'm sorry," 

Harry narrows his eyes slightly but gives up as easily as he did. "So how can I find out who?" 

"I cannot tell you who," Dumbledore flashes him a knowing smile, barely there and gone by the time he looks at it, but it was definitely there. Harry nods and walks from the office, waiting on the stairs to reach the lower corridors. He pulls out his phone, which he isn't technically allowed to have at Hogwarts as a confiscated 'Muggle Item' but does because he's never been particularly good at following arbitrary rules. 

"Hello?" asks the voice on the other end. 

 

"Afternoon, Minister," 

A small sigh over the phone. "Dear, I'm at work," comes her tired voice. 

"Love, can you send me the student records for last year, including alleged bullying forms?"

A different kind of sigh. "Harry what are you doing?" 

"Trust me," he assures, his voice hard and uncompromising, something it never is. Something that makes 'trust me' really mean something. 

"Okay," Hermione agrees. "And yes, I'll use the Time Turner. You should already have them," 

"Thanks, love, I love you!" he grins as if she can see it, and knows she's grinning back. When he hangs up, Harry searches through his emails and finds one from Hermione marked 'James_Potter.pdf'. His thumb hovers over the button, internal screaming conflict creating an incredibly powerful reflex arc. Burt he pushes through and clicks it.


	3. Chapter 3: The Student Records

Harry pours over his son's record, reading each word carefully and desperate from the others, trying to eliminate the variable of context. Once he finished he was left confused and enraged, thoughts jumbling together in a mass of difficult logic puzzles too advanced to solve. He slumps at his desk in the long, empty D.A.D.A classroom and stares at the back wall until his vision blurs and he's forced to blink. As his vision gains clarity again, his thoughts begin to piece themselves together. A sudden rush of desire sweeps over him, blanketing over any other emotions if they ever existed, and Harry stands up and rushes to the Gryffindor Common Room. 

He discovered something more than shocking when he read that file. More saddening than the worst case scenario he expected. James, for the past year and a half, has been using his hexing talents for less than academic pursuits. An incident, the worst in Harry's mind is one that got him detention for the entire term (which they apparently owled Hermione about, but this is the first he's heard of it) was when James swelled the head of fellow student Bertram Aubrey to over twice its size. The poor girl was stuck in the medical wing for a week! However, that being the most outstanding in terms of rule breakage it isn't what Harry focuses on. 

He can't escape the name repeated dozens of times, drilling it into his head - or maybe that's cause Severus Snape has a particular alliteration. Going back to events in 1st year that should have been private, everything James did to this anonymous student has been recorded neatly and meticulously - certainly not the work of Dumbledore. 

From taunts and whispered threats in 1st year to mean pranks and spells in 2nd, James' noteworthy achievements appear infrequent and benign compared to his infractions. And although his bones shake in internal conflict Harry marches purposefully to confront his son. When he arrives and utters the password in confidence the fat lady creaks open to reveal the cozy, warmly lit common room. It's just as he remembers, and for a second he can only stare around in awe. 

Students look up at him, a few whispering amongst themselves, intrigued by Harry's presence. He clears his throat, speaking loudly and firmly. "Everyone - go to your dorms. Where James?!" He gulps, voice wavering as the anxiety within him crippled the resolve - he's never been a confident person, especially when it seems him against the students. 

But thankfully he's a teacher and the younger Gryffindors scamper upstairs followed by the respectful older ones, their prefect badges gleaming off the overhead ceiling, magic set to resemble the daylight of late afternoon. James walls downstairs, tie askew and jumper hanging off his shoulders as the Hogwarts student does when not in classes. Whispers can be heard from the upper dorms, The Marauders watching in intrigue from the hidden balconies. "Dad?" James asks before grinning. "Or is it Professor Potter now?" 

His grin fades when Harry glares, or tries to which falls into a disappointed frown. "I read your student record. You only ever told me about your achievements, do you understand how difficult it is to trust you when you've kept all this from me?!" He demands, hurt in his eyes more than anger. 

"What are you talking about?" James asks, blinking in confusion. His dad's making a scene and it should be embarrassing, but the over-compassionate student is more concerned when he mentions trust. They've always had such a good relationship, trust is especially important between them, always has been. More for Harry than James, but he understands how much it means to him. "Mum always deals with the Owls the school sends, says it's politics that she does. I thought she told you, didn't she?" 

Harry stares at his son, mind swirling between different emotions. He searches through his memories, desperate to find some evidence or indication that proves James is lying, or mistaken. James lying to him is a frightening concept but Hermione? Unfathomable. He searches and searches and comes up blank. The student record specifically states Owls had been sent, but Harry's never seen them. And it's not like James could tamper on his end from Hogwarts. "I have to go," Harry states, emotions absent from his voice and if they're in his brain he can't register their presence. 

"What's going on dad?" James asks, honestly confused. Honestly bewildered that this has even happened, whatever this is. But Harry leaves the common room without another word and as the Marauders come downstairs, James turns to Remus, shaking his head as his brain empties of any possible explanation. 

"Did that just happen?" He asks. 

"I'm going to say... maybe?"

* 

His hand shakes as he tentatively grips the portkey, so conflicted he can barely identify himself. Harry feels his body and soul ripped from his position, the internal structure of himself dissolving into this object and reappearing with a force that would shatter the body of a Muggle. He blinks, staring up at the sleek black ceiling as he lies on the cold, marble-tiled floor of the Ministry. Sighing, he stands and looks around his corridor, head still empty. Corridor also empty, as the upper floors of the Ministry tend to be during business hours, everyone huddled away in meeting rooms or lavish parliament halls passing legislation.

The Minister's office is marked by a tall archway overlooking an old black door, regal gold trimmings on the knocker carved into a dragon head. Centuries old, this is. Harry knocks and waits outside, the void in his puncture heart being filled with anxiety like water flooding the Titanic. Harry remembers it being different when he was learning about it in Hogwarts, looking more archaic with more security measures. Hermione has done her best to make the atmosphere 'common-wizard friendly' but Harry remains as intimidated as ever. He knocks the special knock and hears Hermione's voice allow him entry. As she calls 'come in' the lock on his side opens on its own. 

Harry opens the door to Hermione's soft smile, which quickly evaporates when she sees his downtrodden expression. A wall of trepidation hits Hermione, her eyes widening in realisation. "Shit," She whispers to herself, the quill falling from her hand. Ink smudges across the document she was working on. "The student record," 

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" Harry asks, voice defeated. No anger, no urgency, nothing. He just sounds depressed. Done. Over this. "You were so eager to send it to me. On some level, you must have known. Or do you not think I'm smart enough to catch you lying to me?"

Hermione looks at her husband in nothing by shock, for what can she say but cliches, ones that wouldn't even be true? How can she explain her own actions when even she has no idea the motive behind them? When she started hiding the owls from Harry it was to protect him and his image of James, who really is such a compassionate boy - Remus Lupin is proof of that. She knows James, and that despite everything he's deserving of respect and praise even if that isn't reflected in his records. "I'm sorry," is the only honest, coherent thing she can say. 

"We - can we talk about this later?" Harry asks, gritting his teeth not in anger but hurt. Hermione nods back, biting tears from her eyes as Harry leaves the office, the building. She decides to go too, since Harry will be returning to Hogwarts she'll just go home. No point in staying around here, too shaken and anxious to do any work.

Instead of going to Hogwarts and burying himself in paperwork, or confiding in Dumbledore, Harry resolves to get answers from the one person he won't immediately distrust - a name he checks on the student records, the alliteration not really having its desired effect. 

Severus Snape.


	4. Chapter 4: The Slytherin Commonroom

The Slytherin commonroom is incomparable to the Gryffindor one. Sleek and wide open, so much bigger with elegant black stairwells and clean leather furniture, polished floors. Harry can admire its beauty, but it send a chill down his spine. It's such a cold room, one nobody could be comfortable in. When he walks in a small group of Slytherin students stare at him, and while disconcerting it's refreshing not to feel like a commodity. Pressured into being the idea of Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived and not Harry Potter, the goofy D.A.D.A teacher with a flare for the theatrics. 

"What are you doing here?" One of the students asks, quickly adding 'Professor Potter' on the end to mask his scepticism. 

"Is Severus Snape here, do you know?" 

The small group scoffs and shares amused glances, the back two snickering whispers to one another. Odd, Harry understands the Gryffindor rivalry, why James might have an issue with the boy. But it's rare to see students at odds with their own Housemates. "He's upstairs, dunno what he's doing," one mentions, pointing to the West staircase. 

"Thank you," he wonders why he feels the need to be formal with these random children before his mind returns to the activity at hand. 

Harry doesn't know what he was expecting Severus Snape to be, but this isn't it. He walks in on the dorm, empty besides two 5th years, a Gryffindor and Slytherin. And the Gryffindor he recognises as Lily Albarn, the sweet girl James has been crushing on since 1st year. Who's parents he helped adapt to the Wizarding world, a pair of helpful, kind Muggles with impressively open minds. They are extremely proud of their daughter. 

"Oh, hello Miss Evans," he smiles down at Lily, who looks up. 

"W-Wow, hello Mr Potter!" She stutters back, and Harry's resolve crippled slightly. Back to being a status symbol, he supposes. Except Severus leans back on his pillow, black unlike the others which are green, and folds his arms over his chest tightly. "Sev, say hi!" Lily prompts. 

Severus stares Harry up and down, cocking his head to the side to rest on his hand. His gaze slides black pupils, moving silently like a predatory snake, to the window, where rain splatters on the window. "You aren't impressive, y'know?" He scoffs. Honestly, he admits to himself Harry would be incredibly attractive if he didn't look so much like James. His eyes are emerald like Lily's, and his aloof, confused face is adorable. Severus catches himself. Not only is this his teacher, it's his worst enemy's father. Of corse, this man is likely just as evil and arrogant as his son. 

"Miss Evans, would you please give us some privacy?" He asks nicely, a reassuring smile plastered on his face. 

"Of course, Professor!" She smiles and stands with admirable energy, turning to Severus with a bright smile. "I'll just be in the library, if you'd like to meet later," she promises, descending into the main common room with a wave. 

Severus gulps discretely, pulling his knees against his chest and curling up a little on the bed. Being with Mr Potter alone is unnerving, not because his presence is particularly intimidating but because they're so isolated. Teachers aren't inherently trustworthy and there's no predictability to someone he knows nothing about. "Or maybe I'm presupposing you're like James," Severus mutters to himself. "Sorry Professor, but what are you here?" He asks, confusion evident despite his attempts to appear impassive. 

"I'm here, I suppose to get answers. I understand this is highly irregular-" Harry pauses, breathing deeply before he begins. "I just wanted to ask about James and he bullying reports," 

"So that's it," Severus laughs dryly, feeling a sense of anger rise in him. He barely keeps himself contained, barely keeps his composure. "You're so arrogant you don't believe your son could be an as- be so hateful,"

Harry furrows his brow, in conflict with his own emotions. For whatever reason, he's always felt defensive in matters concerning James. "No, that's not why I'm here. I want to know why, I suppose. How long has this been going on for, when did it start and why?" 

"Don't you have the files?" 

"They just give me timelines," Harry shakes his head, pulling a wooden desk chair from the corner to sit on, just before the beds. Severus is thankful he hasn't changed out his school uniform, otherwise this would be terribly awkward. It's not his fault all his pyjamas are Pokemon themed. 

"I'm first year, the first day actually," he recounts the tale of their first meeting on the Hogwarts express, and Harry observes how comfortable Severus becomes when he's telling a story. The flare of nostalgia burns in his eyes even as he describes negative experiences. "And I remember him, so bloody insistent on joining Gryffindor. It's all he bragged about, and we hadn't even had the sorting ceremony yet!" 

Harry can't help but smile, reliving the memory of James' first day and how insatiably excited he was to be a Gryffindor. It's part of his loyalty Harry knows, so be so faithful to an ideology or cause or person. A beautiful, bright part of James that maybe can't come out as well in front of other students. 

"So then I said 'if you'd rather be brawny than brainy!' And I actually got a snicker from some would-be Slytherins," A shadow of a grin spreads on Severus' before before it disappears back into a frown. "Then they all started hating me too," 

Harry chuckles a little, impressed by the incredulity of this odd misunderstanding. "I see what happened, you attacked Gryffindor. The thing he loves and respects most. My fault I suppose - I never did prepare him for criticism," 

Severus just looks up at the Professor in confusion as he stands, returning the chair to normal. "Thanks, I got all I need," Harry slings his satchel over his shoulder again and walls briskly from the dorm room. 

"Professor!" Severus calls him back, guffawing in puzzlement at the bizarre actions of his teacher. "Wait, there's more!" 

"I'm sure there is," Harry sings, spirits lifted slightly as he musically walks down the stairs. From the opposite dorm, the girls' dorm, a head peeks out. 

"Professor Potter's here?" She frowns into the boys' dorm, catching Severus' eyes between the doors. "What was that about?"

Severus shakes his head. "Bugger if I know,"


	5. Chapter 4: The Sinister Truth

He apparates on the interior side of the door, body collapsing in exhaustion against it. Harry acknowledges his laboured, harsh breathing through a constricted throat. The walls close in, vision darkening before his eyes revealing a sliver of light from the upper floor past the staircase of his small home. His heart beats like a hummingbird, he's frightened it'll smash through his ribcage. Staggering and blinded by anxiety he climbs the stairs, a brief interlude of shocked dissociation between the top of the stairs and Hermione's study door. His fake effervescence with that Slytherin boy served only to bottle up his emotions until this moment, and now he fears it's too late to let them out consistently and healthily. Actually, he knows it's too late. 

Harry knocks on the door, waiting a torturously long second to hear "C-Come in!" 

When he enters, his wife is huddled into the back wall, crying softly in secret while she sits on the sill. She looks up at him with remorse in her eyes before bursting into a fresh set of sorrowful tears. "H-Hey, it's okay..." Harry strifes over, sitting by Hermione and pulling her close to his chest. He waits patiently for her to cry herself out, but a biting resentment dwells within him that makes him want to scream, accuse, demand. Eventually Hermione wipes away her tears and looks up at him. 

"I-I'm assuming 'I'm sorry' wouldn't be redundant..." she almost huffs. 

"I just want an explanation," Harry explains, voice numb. The emotions are still very much there, on the surface and boldly declaring themselves, he just can't vocalise them. "Why did you lie to me for so long?" 

"I needed..." she sniffles. "To protect..." 

Now, Harry can vocalise his anger. "No, no you didn't! Did you really think I'd react so badly you needed to protect James from me finding out?! You've known me since we were children, how can you think that about me!" 

"Not protection for James-!" She snaps back, voice quivering. "For you..."

"What?!" 

"Y-You had such a difficult time in school," Hermione explains herself timidly. "And you were raised by tyrants. The smile you get when you talk about James... it's so strong but I know it's fragile. I know how much something like this hurts you! I never wanted your image of James to disappoint you, no matter what," 

Harry sighs, slumping over and grabbing the tissue box, dabbing his eyes underneath his glasses. "Do you see where your logic fails in that?" 

She does. The first incident was merely mean words exchanged between children in a queue. Harry would have been concerned, but not disappointed or 'shattered'. If she had told him then and they'd intervened together as his parents, it's likely James' behaviour wouldn't have escalated to this. In protecting Harry from the arbitrary truth, she'd created a sinister truth in its place. "Yeah," she scoffs at herself, a brief and sad smile playing on her lips. "What happens - now that you hate me?" 

"I don't hate you," Harry speaks clearly, smiling through the tears as he gazed into his wife's eyes. "I never have and I never will. I love you, Hermione," 

"I love you too, Harry," she whispers back. "But, I have also betrayed you. I think we both need some time. Neither of us are in a fit state to make decisions. We should separate, even if just for a little while," 

The proposal doesn't shock or outrage Harry. I'm fact, he's been thinking the same thing, no malice involved. "You're right. Let's - let's start, and we'll figure out what to tell James on the way," 

"You're staying at the castle?" 

"Where else can I stay? Ron's got his hands full with 3 kids, and a 4th on the way," 

"Neville?" She sighs, feeling sorry for her husband, knowing how cold the quarters could be at that castle. Wizards are yet to understand the concept of central heating. Harry shakes his head. 

"Busy with work. I'll be fine, don't worry," he assures, reminding himself not to add 'love' on at the end. They wave their wands around the room and Harry's belongings fly into the trunk, before it slaps itself shut. Packing in an instant. Harry holds his trunk, feeling the worm handle beneath his fingertips, remembering his own days at Hogwarts. "Well, Knight Bus should be stopping by soon," he sighs sadly, reluctant to leave. Hesitant of the first step, wanting to forget this ever happened. But if he did, he'd only forget on the surface. Deep down he'll always remember, and there will always be distrust. 

Again, he resists the urge to kiss her on the cheek before vanishing into the Muggle street to sit on the kerb and await the bus. 

* 

"So he talked to you?!" 

"Yes," 

"He actually talked to you?!" 

"Correct," 

"He-!"

"Lily!" Snape snaps, rolling his eyes and collapsing onto his pillow from his spot where he previously paced the room. "He was very odd about it too. Not the pompous dullhead I expected," 

"What was he then?" Lily asks from a vacant bed on the edge of which she sits.

“He was a complete idiot,” his eyes shine with something unrecognisable as he recounts that moment, a grin spreading across his face. “But he was nice. And he made me smile,” 

“Woah,” Lily’s eyes widen. “Not even I can do that. You must be crushing hard,”

“No,” Severus shakes his head in denial a little too hastily, forcing himself to scowl at the accusation. “I am not crushing on him. Like you said, that never happened with you and you know I’ve always liked you,”

Once that sentence would have brought tension between them, or an awkward and quick goodnight. But after years of intense friendship and bonding, it becomes frivolous. Especially since Severus and Lily sat down, acknowledged each other’s feelings - his desire to be with her, her lack thereof - and became even closer as a result. Now, it’s said whimsically I’m reference to the past, treated as nothing more than citation info. 

“In that case, it must be love!”A blush radiates across Severus’ face, made stronger red by the paleness of us skin. Lily grins and stands. “I was just teasing you. Anyway, I’d better return to my dorm. The prefect will have a hissy fit if I return late. And I don’t wanna lose anymore points for Gryffindor,” 

“Don’t worry, Potter will make up for it with his amazing victory tomorrow!” He calls back sardonically, lying down and tugging his sheets up over his school uniform. He hears her go, heels clacking off the stairs before the portrait door swings shut. I’m not ‘crushing’ on Harry Potter. Such a notion is ridiculous. 

Once more for emphasis. “I’m not crushing on Harry Potter. Such a notion is ridiculous,”


	6. Chapter 6: How Revenge Loops

"So you're getting a divorce?" 

Harry and Hermione sit side-by-side in the Great Hall, on a particularly sunny Sunday afternoon when it's quiet and most students are outside. Across the table James stares, eyes narrowed in irritation, masking his shock as he processes their ridiculous explanation. The rest of The Marauders stand by the doorway, eavesdropping through a recording device James charmed into his wand before the conversation. No secrets between them, despite his parents' insistence they speak alone. He isn't sure how to respond other than complete impassion, knowing how loving his parents are, there has always been tension. Especially when it comes to his mother and her 'betrayal' an ambiguous term they use as they tell him, filtered in place of what they actually mean to say.

James expects it has something to do with his father's odd reaction to his student record. 

"Not exactly..." Hermione sighs, rubbing the back of her neck as she exchanges worried glances with Harry. Both feel sympathy for their son, having sprung this upon him without warning or preparation, a shock that could topple his entire self. Everything they've tried to give him over the years by doting on him possibly destroyed. "We're taking a break. Separating, living in different places for a while. We're still married, just not together," 

"But you're staying married cause you still might get together?" His voice is monotone, no hope behind it. Defeated. 

"Well, yes," 

James stares at them both, chin lifted in arrogance as if staring at Severus. He admits, his parents are more immature than he thought, and whatever respect he had for them has been replaced by disapproval at their egregious, childish behaviour. "You're both cowards. You know that right?" 

"James-" Harry protests, but is silenced as his son raising a hand. 

"No, don't defend yourselves. I get it, if you need to take time apart then do it. But don't act like you're just going to take a 'break' and that'll fix whatever's wrong. I don't know everything, since you won't tell me, but I know enough that you don't need a breather, you need to move the Hell on," he stands up, pushing his chair in, wooden legs screeching against the stone floor. "People don't come back stronger from a break. It pushes them further apart - you'd both know this if you didn't marry your high school sweethearts at 20. You've never been in love - you're just misplaced friends!"

He glares at them, turning on his heel and briskly walking from the room, flinching at every noise in case it's their pitiful objections. Mentally preparing himself to never look back, not to his old life of the relationship he observed as doomed from the start. His parents got together at 17, of course in their mid thirties they drift apart, no longer reliant on clinging to what bonded them. Battling and ultimately defeating Voldemort, a bond so strong created from that with an intensity mistaken for love. Best friends stuffed into ill-fitting roles they didn't know better than to accept. James is just baffled it didn't end sooner.

"I can't believe how insightful our son is," Hermione whispers in disbelief. Harry shakes his head. 

"I can. Remember the wolf boy?" 

"Hm, you're right," 

* 

James steps from the Great Hall into the silence of the corridor. He rests his palm against the cool stone, calmed by the refreshing tingle it sends through his hand, like soothing ice water when hot. The remaining Marauders stay silent, watching him and waiting for a reaction, shocked speechless by what they've heard. Until Sirius, who's closest to James, wraps his arm around the Potter's shoulders. "C'mon, we'll be late to detention," 

Each member of The Marauders had gotten detention for skipping Potions, so of course their detention is with Professor Slughorn in his potions class, catching up on the missed work while the Advanced students practice. 

James just looks at him, blinks for a second as his brain transitions from parent mode to friend mode, the stress dissipating into the surrounding air as he sighs in relief. "Can't we skip? Detention with Slughorn sounds dreadful right now," 

"We would, but Slughorn gave us extra homework as punishment and I did it for once," Peter smirks, rather proud of himself for competing his homework, for once. 

"Fine," James rolls his eyes and follows his friends, Sirius grabbing his hand and squeezing it comfortingly.

They reach the Potions classroom to the low murmuring of the Advanced Students, Where James notices Lily in the back corner with Severus. Slughorn clickd his tongue at them disapprovingly but simply gestures to their desks, eyes wide in tolerant warning of their lateness. James and Sirius pair off to complete their missed work, Lupin going with Peter, groaning because Peter screws up most practical tasks. 

Severus watches from his table in the corner. He watches James and Sirius laugh like everything is perfectly fine. Like they have no understanding of the jaded world experienced through the eyes of others, the very purpose of detention lost on them. It pisses him off. So he smirks. He and Lily are doing Advanced Potions work, for the NEWTS not the OWLS. As such, they have many restricted ingredients to play with. From a small jar beside the windowsill, Severus extracts the liquid within through a dropper. 

Lily wonders what he's doing, looking up from their complacently bubbling potion to see Severus holding the dropper to the light, admiring the golden liquid inside in awe. She looks to the windowsill and notices, among dusty cobwebs, the misplaced jar. "Phyllobate terribilis serum!" She gasps in wonder. "What are you going to do with that?!" 

The lanky wraith gives her a light, quivering smirk. "Have some fun," he hums, wandering through the darkness in the back desks, unnoticed by Slughorn and most of the class. He blends through the shadows to leans over a wooden beam stretching from the ceiling. Below him is James and Sirius' desk. He thinks, one drop ought to do it. No need to blow the castle to rubble. Reaching his arm above their heads he squeezes the dropper, the liquid clinging to its nozzle for a moment before slipping into the bubbling brew. 

In an instant, the potion explodes. Yellow smile spills from the cauldron and wears across the desk like an elegant spider web. The wood becomes charred and black soot clings to the Marauders' robes and hair, blackened splodges on their skin. "Oh my!" Professor Slughorn gasps, hurriedly snuffing out a small flame born from the explosion with his wand. "Oh, it's okay everyone! James, Sirius are you okay?!" 

"We did it perfectly..." James growls, double-checking his ingredients. Slughorn chuckles. 

"Well my boy, accidents happen," 

The boys exchange weary glances, committed in their assessment. This was no accident. James narrows his eyes and glares around the room, scanning everyone's face as if reading their guilt with polygraph technology. His stare settles on Severus, who looks up from his Potion to meet James' gaze and gives him the most subtle smirk, hidden from everyone else by the strange of hair hanging by his face. The satisfied smirk of remorseless perpetrators. 

"It wasn't an accident Professor, Sni- Severus sabotaged me!" 

Fucking hypocrite. Severus thinks. Slughorn stares over in confusion, searching his best student's face for the truth. Severus just stares back, blank and expressionless. 

"Is this true Mr Snape?" He asks, no accusation in his voice, just pleading it's not true. 

"N-"

"Yes, Professor," Lily admits with a heavy sigh. "He- We did it to get back at James," 

"Whatever for?" The professor asks, but neither get a chance to answer. In a fit of fury and enraged Sirius stalks up to Severus, gripping his collar and dragging him down from the podium. 

"You inconsiderate shithead!" He seethes, gripping his wand tightly in his hand. He places it against Severus' neck, hand shaking as his teeth grit in vitriol. Severus stares at the wand. Is this how he dies? He wonders calmly, considering the worth value of his life to have surpassed anyway. At least if Sirius killed him, The Marauders would go down in history as the aggressive bastards they are instead of the talented wizards they portray themselves as. 

Unfortunately, the reflex arc doesn't obey the prefrontal cortex and before Severus knows it he blocks Sirius' wand, not even hearing what attack spell he uttered. Beams of dancing blue light shoot thrown the air between them, disarming both students. Sirius and Severus watch their wands clatter to the floor and took along the wood, stopping of their own accord or tapping against the wall. Their breathing frowns out any other sounds, glares as permanent as their mutual hatred. 

"G-Go to your Head of House - both of you, now!" 

Silently they leave, Lily watching Severus' back and hoping he turns to look at her, something to prove he doesn't hate her for snitching. What did he expect, really? "Why'd you do that?" James asks, having silently approached by her side. Noticing her longing eyes. "Snivellus is your best friend - why did you tell the professor?" 

"Revenge is never the answer," Lily shakes her head. "Besides, that one was his fault. You didn't even instigate anything," 

"Don't worry about him hating you," James assures. "Once he hates someone he'll never stop, but his sense of justice won't let him hate for the wrong reasons," 

"How do you know that?"

James smiles at her a little, eyes locking onto hers before briefly flickering to her brilliant red hair and back to the irises dazzling like precious emeralds. "Its a hobby of mine to read people, especially interesting ones,"


	7. Chapter 7: Detention in the Library

Severus and James stand opposite one another, eyes flashing vividly with hate while their expressions remain neutral for the benefit of their teachers. Head of Gryffindor Minerva McGonnagal was the one to decide a suitable repose to the debacle in the Potions classroom. She clears her throat and begins in a stern Scottish accent. "James Potter, for the remainder of your detention you will be spending all weekends in the Library until the end of term. Severus Snape, you will be joining him for your detention until the Easter holidays," 

Severus groans. He doesn't mind the detention really, being in the library means fewer chances to be made fun of or brazenly assaulted, and it allows more time to study for his OWLS. What irritates him is having to spend the remainder of 2019's weekends with James Potter, that insufferable cretin. It's his bloody fault anyway, Severus reasons. If he hadn't gotten that detention in the first place my perfect record wouldn't have been tarnished!

James, on the other hand, doesn't care about Severus. He's angry that his punishment is being extended for something he technically had no hand in. "But that's not fair!" He protests. "Sirius attacked Severus, not me! Why isn't he here?!" 

"Sirius is speaking with Professor Dumbledore himself," McGonnagal explains. "And your punishment is simply for being late to your detention in Potions class. Besides, hopefully this will put and end to this silly feud!" 

The 5th years stare each other down until dismissal. After they're released into the corridor, Severus turns to James. "For what it's worth - fuck, I'm sorry I attacked you," 

"You're actually apologising," James smiles his cocky smile. "This is a first," 

"And an only," Severus assures grumpily, huffing his arms and trailing behind James, hoping he just walks away and he isn't forced to continue his painful-ass conversation. "Listen. Sirius and I got dragged into Dumbledore's earlier and had to explain ourselves to each other. Sirius told me you're having family problems. You're still shit. But that's shit. I'm sorry I made this difficult time worse for you," 

James shakes his head with a sigh. "It's just my father. I'm worried about him, he-" 

"Oh no!" Severus silences him with a finger on his lips. "That was not an invitation to unload on me. I still hate you, arrogant brat," 

James chuckles. "Okay, Snivellous " 

* 

The winter weather is pushing in, what a dreadful time to move into your office. Harry sleeps buried under piles of thick blankets, listening to the wind whistle through cracks in the old castle walls, whirling breeze around his room making him shiver even under these layers. It freezes through his skin, the distant fire across the room doing little to heat him. A shaking hand grips his wand and casts a charm on the fire, making it flare out from the sides and flames lick up the wall. The last thing he wants to do is arrange a library detention for his son and Severus. But he agreed to supervise to prevent any books becoming collateral damage in a heated face-off. 

Harry dresses, realising that unshaven he looks more like the groundskeeper than a professor. Slinging a satchel over one shoulder he descends to the library where Severus and James are already waiting. Standing at opposite pillars on the door, sulkily avoiding eye contact. Their body language is disturbing, so much hate he winces as he approaches, quickly masking it with a broken, manic smile. "You ready to begin?" He asks in a too-cheerful voice. James is the only one who mutters a response as Harry unlocks the door with his wand and the doors open inwards, revealing isles of bookshelves taller than the ceiling of most rooms. 

"Your jobs are to dust," Harry grins, slapping rags into both their hands, approaching the first clean desk at the corner, connected to a vast network of derelict others awaiting to be used and sitting down, pulling a light read from his satchel (something amusing by George Carlin, who he's been obsessed with since his own time at Hogwarts) and crossing his legs on the desk. 

"My xD is disaster bi," James mutters sadly. The row behind, Severus hears and almost bursts into a fit of giggles in the library. He manages I keep it quiet, but James still hears. 

An hour into wiping thick layers of dust from the spines of century-old books, James gets a brightly dull, fantastically  
awful idea. From his place by the Charms and Creation Spells index he can barely see the tips of magic wire that seals the restricted section glinting from a baseline natural light. Wandering the isles he discovers Severus sitting in one isle, a pile of freshly dusted books arranged beside him. Severus looks up. "What do you want?"

"You get access to the restricted section, right?"

"Yes," because I'm doing my NEWT in Potions a year early, dickhead. Severus thinks proudly. “Why?” 

“If you use your access to get me a book, I’ll do all your work in the library for the next week, meaning you can study,” 

Severus doesn’t need to think about it. As weary as he is of James Potter, he can’t pass up the opportunity to escape this monotonous drivel of dusting that’s quite frankly below him. “What book?” 

Harry charmed the clock to chime signalling the next hour. When it does, he stands up and calls the boys back. They take longer than normal, seeming to appear from a hidden corner lost somewhere in the labyrinth. He notices something under James’ arm - a book. A thick, black hardback with cobwebs hanging off the sides and no title. It reminds him of when he snuck into the Restricted Section in 1st Year and got screamed at by a spirit trapped inside a textbook. “What’s That?”

James’ eyes dart away for a second. “A book,” 

“Yeah, duh,” Harry scoffs. “Where’d you get it?” 

“I checked it out,” James lies. “Can we go now? The hour is up. Detention is over,” 

“Yes, of course,” Harry smiles, opening the door and watching them pass under his arm - Severus stooping our of necessity. “See you both tomorrow!” 

Odd. He thinks, packing up his satchel, unable to get an annoying lingering out his mind. He would had seen James check or a book, surely, because the desks are at the front. Maybe they added more at the back, to save time for the students? Then again, Hogwarts has never been particularly concerned with efficiency. You get shit done, but if it takes a week or a century nobody complains provided there is some eventual progress. 

“That’ll bother me all day,” he sighs, leaving the library himself.


	8. A Trickster’s Guide

James slams the book down on the table, a thick cloud of dust puffing out from the underside. The Marauders jump from the shocking thud! the heavy leather makes on their oak table. Remus frowns, gingerly taking the corner of the dragonhide cover and opening the book, peering at the title. "'A Trickster's Guide to Tomfoolery'. James, what's this?" he asks, looking up in confusion at their group founder. 

"Exactly what it sounds like," James grins, starting to skim through for anything interesting. "Low level dark magic comprised in a joke book! It can cast many malicious but arbitrary enchantments and even has potions!" 

"Like love potions?" Sirius snickers. "You wanna use one on Lily?" 

"Actually I have a different plan," James winks at him. Everyone knows not to ask about it, so Remus starts flipping through pages himself. It's approaching the end of the month, and he wants to try something fun from this book with The Marauders before he needs to leave. 

"Hm, look at this enchantment. It's meant to decrease the sensory abilities of animagi," he reads. "So our sense of smell, sight, hearing and taste will be decreased when we change form. This will make it easier for us to deal with our changes! I've been looking for something like this!"

"True, it is difficult when you have the hearing of a dog," Sirius agrees. "How does it work?" 

James stands, tearing another miscellanies page from the book, stuffing it in his pocket and leaving the rest with them. "Good idea, work on that - especially you Remus. You're good with enchantments,"

"I'm better with D.A.D.A, but I'll do my best," he agrees. 

"What about you?" Peter asks in suspicion, not missing the paper James ripped out. "What are you gonna do?" 

"I have detention now, I'm afraid," James sighs, sounding more content than he should with his involuntary volunteer work. "I'll back back later," 

When James reaches the library he finds his father and Severus exchanging pleasantries at the end of the table. Odd. As far as he knows, Severus hates Harry and not just for being James' father. Also for being the boy who lived, revered as this special celebrity. Well, that's something they both hate about him. Being the son of the Boy Who Lived and the Minister of Magic puts a lot of expectations on someone, especiall since it's basically forced him into a leader role among his friends and led all the teachers to compare him to his father. Although thankfully Harry was a lil shit in school too. 

"Oh, it's you," Severus stands, seemingly relieved James has arrived so they can begin work and escape the awkwardness that is Harry Potter. 

"What are you waiting for?" Severus leers over at him. "We have to get to work," 

"Who are you talking to, Snivellus?" James scoffs back, but slips off his robe and follows Severus through the library isles. This time their assignment is to be on the lookout for any books placed back in the wrong order/ messily. Usually they is themselves with magic, but some errors are too extreme for the books themselves. 

"Merlin's beard!" Like this one. "Who leaves a book from the restricted section just lying around where anyone could get it?!" Severus demands the last student to check this book out. 

"I'll put that back for you," James easily grabs the book from Severus' hands, who just glares after him. He watches James trot off to the Restricted Section and by now is just too tired to care. James Potter isn't his problem, he can do what he likes. Or so he thinks, before James returns with the biggest shit-eating grin Severus has ever seen. Great, what's he grinning about now? 

"What's got you smiling?" He tries not to sound curious, but James seems to see through him just like he always does. Just like he saw how to push Severus' buttons the first time they met. 

"I have a potion, something I need an Advanced student to help me work on,"  he raises an eyebrow. 

"Whatever it is, no," Severus says sternly. "I'm not getting involved," 

"Not even for a chance to mess around with dark magic?" James offers slyly, watching Severus' eye twitch as he becomes tempted. "Plus, something could go horribly wrong and backfire on me. I might get a purple face or something, or be turned into a ferret," 

Severus would like to see that, admittedly. "Just a question, when are you 16?" 

"January 6th, why?" Severus asks. 

"Oh, just checking," 

"Fantastic!" James nods in approving affirmation. "So you'll help me?" 

"Fine, whatever," Severus grits his teeth in annoyance. Mostly he doesn't understand why James Potter, who's ignored him for 5 years unless it was to bully him mercilessly, wants to be partners in crime all of a sudden. "I still hate you by the way," 

"And I can't fucking stand being around you," James tells him. "You're a little nerd and I don't see why Lily hangs around with you. As far as I'm concerned you can disappear and never come back. But for now I need you, and you owe me for that unprovoked potions attack,"

Severus knows he's right. He does owe James Potter. What he did was vindictive revenge but it was unprovoked. "Fine, but after this is over we're done,"

"If you say so,"

As planned, that night they gather in the abandoned girls' lavatory. Moaning Myrtle shoots them a watery smile when they enter. "Ooh, James Potter. You know, I had a crush on Harry when he was a student~"

"As you keep telling me," James rolls his eyes, dumping the potions equipment onto the floor. 

"Be careful with that you idiot!" Severus objects. 

"You and him are so alike, you know. Brewing potions in this bathroom, keeping your little secrets~" she winks, and for a second James wonders if she knows. She seems perceptive, although he's an expert in that regard. "Anyway, I won't bother you much, as long as you let me watch~"

"Fine," James agrees, crouching by Severus. He hands him the page from the book. "This is it," 

Severus reads over it. "You are aware this isn't a love potion right? It just reveals people's unconscious or repressed feelings for others. What do you need something like this for anyway?" 

"None of your business. When can it be done for?" 

"These ingredients won't take long to prepare," Severus admits, thankful he won't need to spend months doing something for James. "Do you have a time your want this for?" 

"Hm, around mid-January," James supposes. 

"That's perfect," Severus nods. "I can take my time and get this perfect,"

He pulls a textbook from his bag and begins scribbling notes on the inner cover. James smirks, amused at Severus' rebellious side. If the Slytherin acted like this all the time, he wouldn't hate him so much. 

* 

Harry walks upstairs to Dumbledore's Officer, finding the old man hunched over a long black desk, quill poised high and ink blending seamlessly onto parchment in elegant cursive. The art of calligraphy very much alive with this Wizard. "You know, it's even scarier getting called to your office as a teacher than as a student," Harry laughs, taking a seat on the other side. 

"James Potter stole a book from the Restricted Section," Dumbledore tells him, placing the quill down gently. 

"I know, what book is it anyway?" 

"It's something you don't need to worry about falling into the wrong hands," 

"And my son, leader of The Marauders isn't the wrong hands?" Harry quirks an eyebrow. He watches Dumbledore's, remembering with nostalgia something he and Hermione discussed when he was a first year. Dumbledore knows everything that goes on at this school, but very rarely will he intervene. He uses it to his advantage. "What are you planning, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkle, lips curling up in a pleased smile. He likes Harry a lot and without fail he manages to catch Dumbledore off-guard. Either he constantly underestimated Harry or Harry is continuously evolving to surpass his expectations. "It's nothing to worry about," he assures. 

Reassurances worry Harry and he frowns at Dumbledore. He knows the man means well, but also how reckless he can be. Especially when it comes to the health and safety of Hogwarts students, which he blatantly neglects. "No, Dumbledore, I do worry," he admits. 

"With all due respect Headmaster, I love my son too much not to worry about something like this. No matter who you are and what will come of this plan, I'm not going to let you put my son in danger," Harry's eyes flash with an intensity Dumbledore didn't think possible. He's always known how dangerous Harry Potter can really be, the man behind the mask he doesn't even know he is.  "I'll ask again and would like an answer. What are you planning, Headmaster?"

"That almost rhymed," Dumbledore smiles. "I am planning for you and James to live happily and safely after this is done. As for me,  I'm not planning anything. I simply want you to trust me, Harry," 

"I do trust you," Harry sighs, staring up at the Wizard he greatly admires but knows is deeply flawed. The feeling conflict, giving him a headache. Eventually he gives up trying to understand, resigning himself to trusting Dumbledore's judgement. After all, he defeated the Dark Lord under Dumbledore's guidance. Compared to that, surely not much harm could come from whatever book James stole. "So what do I do now? Since parenting was always involuntary passed over to my wife..." 

"How is Hermione doing, anyway?" Dumbledore asks, voice laced with sympathy. 

"Good. James will be spending Christmas with her in... Well it's just her house now..." 

The Headmaster, not knowing what to say places a hand on Harry's shoulder,  drawing him close.  "Harry, you don't need to do anything. Believe me when I say, everything will fix itself in time,"


	9. The Beginning of Christmas Break

Harry sighs, standing before the castle under an ashy sky, awaiting the Hogwarts express among hoards of eager, chatting students. The Christmas holidays have finally arrived and excitement consumes the halls of Hogwarts, and James is returning home to spend Christmas with Hermione. "Oh, here," he hands James a few gold coins, which clink in his hand. "Sorry for assigning homework during the Christmas holidays but your OWLS are this year and it never hurts to prepare," 

"It's fine, Dad," James grins, gripping the handle of his trunk as a small sliver of steam rises from the distance. "My year of full of dunderheads and they need all the help they can get!" 

"That's not why I assigned it," Harry grumbles to himself, glaring at the bright carriages which slide before them, screeching to a stop. "Look, just try and have fun this holiday. Don't worry about your mother or me or anything. It'll work out, whatever the outcome,"

"So far it seems to have 'worked out' by you ignoring each other," James jumps onto the train before Harry can object, and he's left standing alone on the platform. From somewhere down the track Hagrid's booming voice carries through the vast countryside. 

"All aboard! Hurry up now, the train's leavin'!" Harry debates jumping into the train to talk about that, but the wheels are already turning. 

That evening, Harry's more than surprised when McGonnagal appears at his classroom door. "Ha- eh, Professor Potter. You do have a detention to supervise," 

"Really?" Harry places his quill down, spearing some ink over the assignments he'd planned to spend his holiday marking. So, the Slytherin boy stays here during the holidays. He surmises. Honestly, he catches himself wondering about Severus Snape more and more with each interaction they have. Whatever brief moments they've spent together has raised more questions in his mind about what exactly goes on inside the mind of this young Slytherin. He's fascinating, if anything. 

"You're late," 

Is exactly what Harry hears when he reaches the library. Severus is leaning against the pillar, arms crossed loosely over his chest. Slim fingers twirl a stray lock of black hair between them, and the scent of stale cigarette smoke wafts from his body, mixed with an odd bleachy chemical aroma. It's a mixture of smells Harry finds oddly enticing. Not pleasant, but it's a scent that draws him in. "And cigarettes aren't allowed in this school," Harry counters as he unlocks the library doors, smiling up at the tall student. "I won't tell if you won't," 

Severus just ignores him, honestly done with life today. Pushing past his shoulder and into the library, he stands by the table, looking bored and awaiting whatever assignment he's going to get. "Look, it's the holidays and I have work to do," Harry sighs. "I don't feel like supervising anything. You can read or do whatever, just stay in the library," 

Severus nods and wanders away, staring at the hand-written parchment hovering by the isles, detailing the book genres. Finding nothing in the main library, he uses his Restricted Section access privilege to bypass the locked fence. Not looking for anything in particular, a book bound in blue velvet catches his eye, in an isle he didn't read the genres for. He grabs it from the shelf - no title. Sitting against the shelf, for there aren't any benches in this section, he opens it and begins to read. It's not an academic book, but one on the history of dark magic committed by Hogwarts alumni infamous for their crimes. Something he's developed quite an interest in. 

Severus sits against the shelf and reads, getting so engrossed in his book he barely notices when Harry appears at the end of the isle. "What do you want?" He asks tersely. 

"Is that any way to speak to your teacher?" Harry grins, picking a random book from the shelf. He tosses it between his hands before placing it back, the wrong way around. Severus notices, and feels a crawling annoyance over is skin. Like an itch under his skin. "And to answer - I want to know why you hate me so much," 

Severus looks up at him, glaring darkly.  "What, you cant stand the possibility that someone doesn't admire you, Boy Who Lived?" He sneers, slightly surprised as Harry flinches, shuddering at the title. 

"Don't call me that," he warns. "I hate it," Harry's voice carries a warming edge to it it never does, something dark and secretive until the cheerful countenance he usually exhibits. It actually makes Severus quite scared, setting his teeth on edge. Still, he reinforces the stronghold of his exterior stoicism.

"I don't believe you," he scoffs, standing up straight. This is the first time he's noticed how much taller he is than Harry, and that Harry is just wearing heeled shoes. Usually he slouches so he never considers how tall he really is. It's surreal, to be standing over his teacher like this. "How can you hate it? Everyone in the Wizarding World calls you that!" 

"Everyone in the Wizarding world can do what they like," Harry smiles, but it's a warped kind of smile. Kind of course, for Harry can't smile any other way. But a reflection of kindness in he form of mercy. Like a killer letting a victim escape simply out of boredom. "I don't have to deal with them. But  I have to interact with you on a daily basis until this idiot detention is over. I don't care what you call me, just not that," a hand slams on the bookshelf, just missing Severus' head. A wand poised at his throat, faint gleam from the end. 

Severus grins crookedly, looking down at Harry. "Wow, you are insane aren't you?" He slides from Harry's grip, forcing him to turn into the length of the isle. There's nothing he can trap the student with anymore. "Fine. In that case, I'll call you 'Harry'," despite everything, the feeling of otherness exists when calling a teacher by their first name. Like wandering the Forbidden Forest blatantly. 

Harry stares him down, overcome with confidence. Acting this way feels more comfortable, now that he's in his own skin and not hiding his true nature. It's nice to let someone see this version of him that isn't his wife or son. James calls it his 'real personality' as opposed to his 'fake' one. But that's not correct. It's more like a coin with two opposite sides, the coin as a whole representing who he is as a person. His kindness is genuine, but his cruelty is as well. "I think we should talk-" he raises his hands in surrender, voice returning to that chipper quality. "- unless you'd rather read. Up to you," 

He turns and walks back to the long benches at the front, Severus following begrudgingly. They sit opposite one another, Severus playing with some inscription carved into the table by students generations ago. Harry watches him closely. Severus Snape is intriguing to say the least, a rare specimen Harry can't figure out, his nature enigmatic and hidden. "So, why are you still here over the holidays?" The teacher asks with a small smile. "I never expected anyone to stick around! Even the NEWTS students and prefects don't stay over Christmas," 

"Why should I tell you?" Severus scoffs, staring longingly out the window, snow creeping across the hillside. He looks sad for a moment and Harry reaches across the table. It's an innocent gesture really, at least for now. His hand sits atop Severus', warming the cold skin. The contrast is stark, pale skin and long slender fingers against Harry's warm honey tones. Severus fights it, but feels himself relaxing. 

"Because I showed you exactly who I am, at extreme risk to myself," Harry reminds him smugly. "I wouldn't be surprised if Dumbledore knows now. He knows everything that goes on in the castle, you know,"

Severus knows the implication is about smoking, but it feels more secretive than that. Like his deepest secrets aren't even his. "My parents hate each other, happy?" Severus glares again, sadness buried under anger. "I'm a half-blood. My father is a Muggle and resents my mother for her magic, he always has. And now I pay the price, even everyone in Slytherin shames me because I'm such an undesirable half-blood. I don't feel like being there for my father to hate as well,"

"You're a half-blood," Harry sighs quietly. "That's something we have in common," 

Severus' gaze shoots up quickly, his body tensing at the news. It's true, very little is known about Harry parents or anything about his past other than how a baby defeated the Dark Lord. He used to think that was just by chance, but how he knows Harry is a half-blood too, he suspects the teacher erased his history from the books himself. "And I know what it's like to hide from your home life. I spent my holidays here too, avoiding my aunt and uncle," 

Severus is honestly speechless. He doesn't know what to think, now his entire perception of this man has been overturned. The Wizard with the perfect life, admired by all and famous was once just as scared and hateful as him. It's a complete shock to the system, and he knows it'll take a while to process. He needs to talk to Lily, needs her help. Harry's hand feels more comfortable on his own, and warm too. Still he pulls away. "I need to think about this," he starts to walk away, pace hurried and hoping Harry doesn't address him again. 

Harry relaxes and turns in his chair, calling after Severus. "I'm sure you know not to tell anyone about this!" He chuckles and waves even though Severus can't see him. Staring up at the ceiling, he can't wipe the grin off his face no matter how hard he tries. "You weren't expecting that, were you Dumbledore? I do hope Severus doesn't hold James' wrongdoings against me. I'd like to get to know him a lot better. He's very interesting to me,"


	10. How Harry Pays Respects

"Holy- are you okay?!" Lily asks worriedly when Severus slams the door to the Gryffindor commonroom. He falls against it, gasping to catch breath and clutching his sides, which hurt from the pain of running all the way here from the library. He can't seem to calm down, sweat running down his forehead and a million sharp pains like needles pricking his skin shooting up to his brain. His body freaking out over this shock and stress of what he just experienced. Lily kneels in front of him, where she crouches and stares into his frantic eyes. 

"What happened? Severus, breathe," she speaks calmly. Tenderly she reaches out, placing a hand gently on his knee, hopefully to ground him. The look in her eyes, the radiance she's so innocently oblivious to calms him down so he can think. It's like her innocence transfers to him, some kind of Holy shield of optimism to protect him from the conflict raging in his head. Eventually, Severus' breathing return to normal and he can process this properly. He gulps harshly, suddenly feeling quite embarrassed. This isn't the first panic attack he's had in front of Lily, but every time it happens, he's left ashamed. He should be stronger than this, especially when what happened isn't even that severe. 

"Sorry," he scratches behind his head, fixing where some strands of hair have gotten out of place, sticking to his eyelashes. He sits in an armchair near the small staircase of the commonroom, the one leading to the dorms. Thank God its the holidays, and there're no other Gryffindors here, otherwise he'd be mortified. 

"Don't apologise. Are you okay?" Lily gasps in worry. "Is it your parents again?" 

"No," Severus assures. "I - shit, I just had a weird conversation with Ha- Professor Potter?" he questions, not understanding it himself. 

"Weird how?" Lily asks, sitting down opposite him. She flicks on the kettle from across the room, levitating teabags into cups and preparing them both Earl Grey tea with her wand, waiting for Severus to collect himself. 

Severus won't tell her Harry's secret, no way. Not only because he's now terrified of the man, but he feels a certain trust bond has formed between them. Imagine, for example, their bond used to be that of hydrogen between two bases and now it's a covalent bond between nucleotides. It's the only way he can rationalise it at this point, with a screwed up perception of not only Harry but James, and a lot to think about. "Shit got real between us in the library. And like, maybe he isn't as much of an attention whore as I thought? I don't know, he doesn't act entitled about his fame anyway," 

"Oh, you're warming up to him!" Lily smiles happily. "I did always like him - he's such a great teacher!" is he? Severus has never paid much attention to his teaching style. 

"I suppose I am warming up to him. Maybe we understand each other better because he's a Half-Blood, as well," Half-Bloods are rarer in the Wizarding world than one might think, especially in the US where they gained full rights as Wizards not two decades ago. In the Americanised Britain, there's still some prejudice against them, mostly from the Death Eater groups left over from Voldermort's reign of terror. 

"But weren't both his parents Wizards?" Lily is sure she'd read about it in the textbooks. The Boy Who Lived, his young parents having met at Hogwarts. It was an oddly heartwarming story but that just make the outcome seem even more tragic. They had been such nice people too, apparently. Gryffindors, who'd sat in these very chairs. 

"His mother was a Mud-Blood," Severus corrects, trying to keep a level tone. As a Slytherin, there's a learned behaviour of pretending he hates Muggleborns to avoid being bullied by his own Housemates, and that is sometimes conveyed in his tone. 

"I don't like that word," Lily reminds, recreating a live barrier between them that's existed since Severus first became a Slytherin, and first started pretending to hate Muggleborns. It reminds Severus why he and Lily can never be more than best friends . That, and they both know she isn't exactly his type. 

"Sorry," he mutters, quickly continuing. "Anyway, both his paternal grandparents were Muggles, so even though he has two Wizard parents, he's technically a half-blood," 

"You have a lot in common with Professor Potter," she quips, unable to avoid drawing parallels between the two. Both Half-Bloods with weirdly similar mannerisms and if what Lily read about Harry Potter is true, his life has been eerily comparable to Severus. She thinks they should get along much easier than they do, and she has hope for that now Severus is finally lightening the fuck up. Besides, she's got a slight suspicion about Harry that would be answered if he and Severus become close. 

"I do not, fuck off!" Severus groans, shoving her slightly. Finally, he's smiling. Something rare and precious, like the elusive Ukrainian Ironbelly, a dragon rumoured to be extinct expect for one, which dwells in the underground vaults of Gringotts. "I am nothing like Professor Potter - he's a bloody Gryffindor! That's enough proof," 

"Hmmm, that's true, but-" Lily teases. "- according to lore, he was almost put in Slytherin,"

Severus scoffs. A Slytherin and a Gryffindor cannot be conflated, the only real common trait is ambition. Then again, he's the only one who knows that Harry's 'fake' personality was put in Gryffindor. With what he not knows about Harry... he could very well be a Slytherin. It actually makes way more sense that he would be. 

"Holy shit," Severus returns from his spaced-out thought process. "You might be right," he admits, and doesn't actually feel so bad about that. He has a weird amount of respect for the Harry behind the mask. 

 

* 

Harry hears the stone floor seal behind him with finality as he stands in Dumbledore's office, hands on his hips and having suddenly lost confidence. He's not apprehensive or afraid, Dumbledore could never make him feel that way, he isn't an imposing man despite his power. But his resect for Dumbledore puts him at a slight disadvantage, just because he'll be more willing to comply with whatever the headmaster wants. It's a tricky situation, that he's just lost a decade-old upper hand he's always had. 

Dumbledore walks slowly down the staircase, advancing on Harry like the slow creeping of a strategic predator. "Well, I must say I'm impressed, Harry," he says kindly, but there's an edge of bitterness in his voice. He's unsure, and isn't used to not knowing. "How long-?" 

"Since before I came to Hogwarts, Albus," 

"Given your past, I did always wonder how you were so well-adjusted," 

"You didn't have a clue," Harry grins, shaking his head. "So, what happens now?" 

"I don't think you are a danger to the students. But there's one thing I don't know. Why did you reveal yourself now?" 

"That's easy," Harry sits on the edge of Dumbledore's desk, feeling calmer now. The uncertainty is gone, and Dumbledore's the one asking questions. "I saw myself in Severus. What's his home life like, in detail? I never got much out of him," 

"He hasn't consented for me to tell you," he raises his hands in defence. "But I can reiterate, that his parents are extremely neglectful. Especially since he is a Half-Blood, there is extreme strain among his family. His father, especially reminds me of your Uncle," 

Harry bristles at the mention of Vernon, the comparison making his heart ache with compassion. Empathy isn't... easy for Harry, if it ever occurs to him at all, but compassion is entirely possible. "His family lives in a very poor Muggle area called Spinner's End, and they aren't secretive about the dysfunction in that household. That's why he stays over the holidays, and his father doesn't really object," 

"His mother?" 

"Severus likes his mother, but I don't think the decision is hers to make,"

Harry pursed his mouth into a tight-lipped frown, feeling more oddly connected to Severus tan ever before. He wonders if James knows all this, presumably Lily does. "Albus, I'll be spending Christmas day with Hermione and James. Would you object to my bringing Severus?" 

Dumbledore hesitates, and Harry can see him backtracking. The headmaster is terribly inept at hiding his inner emotions, he's such an easy man to read if you know what you're looking for. "Two hours ago I wouldn't have any objections, but now I'm more informed," his face grows sterner, and he's reminded of something he so often neglects, especially when it comes to Harry - whether he's a teacher or a student. "I cannot risk his safety," 

Dumbledore raises a lightly shaking finger to the sky. "You have one week, to prove he isn't in any danger with you. Then, if Mr Snape agrees, you may have custody over him from Christmas Eve - New Years. I assume that's how long you're staying?" 

Harry smiles guiltily. "I thought you wouldn't even consider it if I told you it was longer than Christmas day," 

The brief flicker of mischief appears behind Dumbledore's eyes. He isn't disappointed in Harry, and honestly never could be. "How many time have you lied to me like this, Harry?" 

The teacher chuckles to himself, examining his fingernails - which desperately need a trim - and looking back up at Dumbledore. His eyes look different, have shifted only briefly. Their light has returned, and they look wider. His hair seems off, too. Dumbledore wonders if his personality change also incurs physical differences, something to do with the relationship between mental and physical state in Wizard physiology? "I didn't mean to ever lie, I always avoided it!" Harry pouts slightly. "I'm sorry, Headmaster," 

"Did you-?" he begins, but Harry just continues looking up in innocence, feeling very self-conscious and wrong about sitting on Dumbledore's desk. He quickly stands up, and wipes the spot he was sitting on. 

"Did I what, Professor?" 

So he did, he just shifted to avoid the question. Frustrating but impressive. Dumbledore smiles warmly and shakes his head in dismissal"Never mind, I just have so many questions about you, Harry," 

"Okay, Professor," Harry acquiesces. "Sorry, but if you don't mind, I have a lot of Christmas marking to do," 

"Of course," Dumbledore bows his head. "And Harry? If I were you, I'd send an owl to Mr Snape, asking if he wants to join you this Christmas. It may put him on the spot if you ask in person," 

"I'll get right on that!" Harry smiles in excitement, leaving the office with too much energy, which he needs to expel. Honestly, the feeling of doing something kind for someone comes so naturally, but gives him an adrenaline buzz it feels like only a rarity should. Something spontaneous or gratifying - this is neither, he's just doing this to help another who's life reminds him of the abuse he suffered - someone he cant help empathise with. Besides, he enjoys Severus' company and wants to alleviate any unpleasantness between the Slytherin and his son next term. So why does the idea excite him so?


	11. Hedwig the Messenger Owl

Severus and Lily sit together in the Slytherin Commonroom, somehow more warm and inviting when it's empty for the holidays. "Why are you staying in school over the holidays again?" he asks over a game of Wizard's Chess neither are particularly invested in. "Aren't your parents the nicest folks ever?" he recalls meeting them at Platform 9 3/4 a few years ago, happily married Muggles with a basket of muffins and a 'Welcome Home' card for their daughter returning for the summer. They'd taken a liking to him too and approve of their friendship. 

"Yeah, but remember my little sister was born last month. I don't really feel like being around with a new baby," she sighs. "Rook to E5," 

"Bishop to E5," Severus grins. "Has to be better company than the stragglers left over for Hogwarts Christmas break," 

"You'd be surprised," she smiles at him, their moment interrupted by a light scraping from the window. They look over to see a large snowy owl with a letter in its beak scraping the window to get their attention. "Mail?" Lily wonders, walking over and opening the window. The snowy flutters over to the table, standing in the centre of the chess board and causing calamity, ending the game by knocking off all the pieces. She drops the letter at Severus' side. 

Severus quirks an eyebrow and picks up the Gryffindor red coloured letter, Lily reading it over his shoulder. 

Severus Snape. 

You are invited, with parental permission, to stay as a guest in the Potter household from 24th of December 2018 to the 6th January 2019. This will be all expenses paid along with spending money set up from the Hogwarts Holiday Welfare fund. If you accept, please return this letter with confirmation with the owl who brought it - her name is Hedwig, isn't she cute? - to my office, she knows where to bring it. 

I look forward to your decision, 

Professor Harry Potter. 

Severus blinks in surprise. "I've never heard of a student being invited to a Professor's house over the holidays!" he exclaims. "What the Hell even is this?" 

"Oh no, it's a thing," Lily assures happily. "There's a special parental request form and everything! Wow, the Potter household. You'll be staying with the Minister for Magic!"

"I haven't said yes," Severus sighs, staring at the paper and trying to derive answers from it. He recalls his intimate moment with Professor Potter and tries to find a reason for this invitation other than pity. He hates being pitied, for everything from his family's dysfunction to their underclass background. He feels like rejecting the letter, that's his first instinct. But he can't help be intrigued. Professor Potter is an interesting person no doubt, and meeting the Minister for Magic would be amazing as well. The main issue is James. 

The letter doesn't even mention him, will he be there at all? Of course he will. And Severus surmises this must be a last-ditch effort by Harry to ensure Severus doesn't have the opportunity to reveal his secret persona, or whatever that is. Either that or James wants Severus there to work on that project over the holidays. Can't the Potter family take a break from being shady and illicit for two weeks?! "I'd rather just stay here with you," 

"Don't be stupid," Lily sighs, shaking her head. "I know you'll deny it but you've been acting differently since your detention. Whatever happened with Professor Potter is worth exploring. And this might be James trying to do something nice for you," 

Severus looks sceptical but Lily grins anyway. "At least go so you can tell me what the Minister for Magic's house looks like?"

He hums, grinning back at her. "I bet it's got archives upon archives of rare textbooks," he quickly writes his consent on the parchment and hands it back to Hedwig. He lets her perch on his arm and holds her to the window, where with a single, colossal push she shoots into the air, circling back around the turret to Harry's office. 

Harry paces around his office. He's too jumpy to sit at his desk. Nerves stretched tightly as his head feels in conflict and anticipatory worry. Where's Hedwig? He sent her to the Slytherin commonroom... 18 minutes and 54 seconds ago. She should be back by now shouldn't she? Maybe his watch is fast. For the fourth time he leans out his window to spot her, and for the first time he does, seeing her swoop gracefully up to his window. He grins brightly, seeing her presence as confirmation of Severus' acceptance. She sits on the windowsill as he gently strokes her feathers, picking the letter from her beak and reading his confirmation. Harry throws the parchment up which hits off the ceiling, spinning and laughing to himself as his robes whisk around the small room. He falls into his desk chair and keeps laughing, unable to alleviate this amusement can’t derive the source of. 

His heart beats wildly and for a while, he’s excited for the uncertain. Hedwig sits on his desk and watches him as if wondering just what the heck is wrong with her owner sometimes. “Ah,” he catches her staring at him. “I can’t explain this, dear Hedwig - I haven’t felt something this exhilarating in years! What is my motivation you ask?” 

She didn’t. 

“Well, my motivation for this little Christmas excursion is to compile information and data on this Severus Snape. He’s interesting, and I can’t help wonder why my son targets him,” Harry muses to himself, wandering around the room as he divulges his master plan to the confused owl. “With this information I’ll build up a more in depth personality analysis. I do like the psychology of other people,” 

That’s a lie and he knows it. He creates data profiles on others to avoid the uncertainty of them. You can’t be unpredictable if your entire personality and characteristics are mapped meticulously in the mind of who you’re interacting with. A trick Harry used to deal with Uncle Vernon, lessening his pain by manipulating the man’s countenance at any given moment. Knowing how he’ll react to certain things, what to do when. Having psychological profiles of those in your life comes in extremely handy. 

“And while Severus isn’t in my life per se,” Harry sighs dramatically, ready to flop down and nap on the closest piece of comfortable furniture like a sunbathing cat. “I can’t help but want him to be in my life. The more information I have on him the quicker I can make that happen, and the better I can interact with him. Although his birthday isn’t until January, I can’t let myself think that way about him let. He isn’t legal of course,” 

Hedwig hoots quietly and ruffles her feathers at him. 

“Sorry, I was rambling. You’re dismissed - you can do what you like. Thanks for your postal services,” he gives Hedwig a sardonic salute as she flees from his office, his smile falling to a frown. “Damn, I forgot to give her Hermione’s letter,” he groans. 

“Well, hopefully she won’t mind a surprise extra guest,”


	12. Christmas Eve

Harry walks into the train carriage where Severus already sits, hands on his knees and sitting stiffly, staring out the window to avoid acknowledging him. Harry clears his throat, irked at the lack of engagement. He quickly meets Harry's eyes when he enters. "Um, hi," he greets quietly, keeping his face blank. Harry smiles back and sits opposite him.

"Hi there," he puts his own satchel on the seat beside him. "Sorry this is all so sudden - blame Dumbledore for that," he chuckles, as if expecting Severus to understand the joke.

"Um, excuse me Professor...?" Severus begins, still not entirely sure what to call Harry. "Why did you invite me?"

Harry's smile doesn't falter, he just hilts his head and seems to consider he question only distantly. Like it's been called from afar and not even directed at him. Then he suddenly snaps into it. "Well, spending Christmas at Hogwarts can be amazing - we both know that. The food and the professor's, it's a time of merriment of course. But I remember when I had to spend every Christmas at Hogwarts, if Ron - er, Ronald Weasley, you won't know him. If my best friend had asked me to spend Christmas with him and his family, I'd have said yes in a heartbeat. Even if t meant losing the grand experience of a Hogwarts Christmas,"

Severus nods slowly, it makes sense. But that's his best friend, Severus is his student and a confidant at best. "So you're doing this just to be kind?" he asks sceptically, eyeing Harry without bothering to hide his suspicion.

"Is that so bad?" Harry sighs, just earning a glare from Severus. "Okay, if you don't want to think of it as kindness, think of it was me settling a debt. You kept my secret, so I'm giving you a wholesome family Christmas for free, with food and presents and the whole works. Just try to enjoy yourself, okay?"

Severus scoffs. "I can't enjoy myself in the same house as James Potter, the whole school wasn't big enough to keep that prick at bay,"

Harry frowns, disappointed in this. He'd hoped Severus would try to understand James more, and the converse of course. He doesn't expect a Christmas miracle or anything, but does have the small hope they'll learn to exist in the same house without too much bloodshed. "Please don't talk about my son that way around me. You can think what you want, but you don't make an effort with him either. I'm still your teacher, please respect me,"

"Whatever," Severus crosses his arms and resumes staring out the window, confined to a long silence as the train tears through the countryside. About an hour later, the sweet woman with the trolley appears at their window.

""Anything off the trolley dears?" she smiles especially at Harry, remembering him from his school days. Such a pleasant boy he always was, if a little crude at times. Harry looks over at Severus and his crooked trunk with patched tears and drab black clothing too big for someone even his height, hand me downs from likely his father. He is warmly reminded of Ron. Grinning at the woman by the trolley, he pulls a handful of coins from his pocket, remembering what Severus tends to bring back from Hogsmead trips and scrounge from the Great Hall desert table.

"Yes please - a box of Peppermint toads and Honeydukes white chocolate honeycomb, please?" he asks sweetly, handing over the exact change in gold coins. Severus twitches just a little, an action Harry thinks is adorable when he's trying to resist temptation. Harry himself orders some chocolate frogs and keeps the cards for James, who still collects them. Oh, what do you know? It's a Boy Who Lived card, another weird celebration of an accomplishment that belongs more to his mother than him. He pockets that one, intending to burn it.

"Here," he tosses them onto the seat beside Severus. "They're for you - don't worry about paying me back,"

Severus stares at them honestly conflicted between accepting them out of temptation and rejecting them to keep his pride. He is a proud person and the thought of accepting charity from Harry Potter feels uncomfortable, kind of a forbidden betrayal to his long-held beliefs. Until Harry starts eating his own candy and Severus realises he isn't betraying anything because Harry isn't the arrogant dickhead he;s always pictured and his beliefs were wrong anyway. Eventually he compromises with himself to take the candy, but he sure as Voldemort isn't saying 'thank you'.

Harry looks up at him with a knowing smile, which causes Severus to freeze mid-bite of white chocolate, until he realised Harry is just happy and isn't judging him or gloating that he won the... argument? No, he's just enjoying Severus' company. He never thought that was possible for anyone. Alright, Lily likes spending time with him but she's a literal angel willing to give anyone the time of day and a second chance. The rest of the ride is spent in a much more comfortable silence, a no-talking rule established if just to free up more time for eating candy until the train lowly rolls into Kings Cross station.

*

This house isn't what Severus was expecting. For one thing, it's in a Muggle neighbourhood - isn't the Minister a Muggleborn? That must be why - and rather than the imperial fortress he pictured it looks completely quaint from the outside, a wide square garden with blooming flower bushes lining the tile path to the warm brown-painted door. He stands before the door with his suitcase to his side and knocks, still baffled as to why he's here. He barely had enough time to question Harry on the train and 'kindness' isn't much of an answer, he think now he isn't distracted by the lighthearted musings of his teacher, or the immersive magic of Honeydukes candy.

"Shell we?" Harry laughs and knocks on the door, Severus trying to adjust to acting like a Muggle after not spending any real time here for years. Hermione answers with a somewhat sad smile, welcoming in Harry and Severus. She grabs Harry's hand, kissing him gently on his cheek. Still best friends, just adjusting to being just best friends.

"Welcome to our humble abode, Severus," the Minister for Magic smiles down at him, so different than she is in the textbooks and the media. This house, again is nothing special, albeit decorated with a sleek, Victorian style minimalist finish, with dark oak furniture polished to reflective. The home itself feels prideful and although it's surprising, actually fits Harry and Hermione perfectly. "Harry didn't tell me you were coming until just yesterday, I'm sorry I haven't had much time to prepare the guest room,"

"Er - hello, Minister. It's fine," he awkwardly smiles. What's one meant to do when they meet the Minster, shake their hand? That seems weirdly formal for the tine of this place.

"It's third on the left," Harry points to the slightly spiralling staircase, leading Hermione into the sitting room. They sit on opposite couches, a strange, disconnected awkwardness hanging in the air as if they're strangers thrown into this exact situation without warning. Hermione uses her wand to pour them a drink and clears her throat in an unsuccessful attempt to expel this awkwardness.

"Severus seems great, really. I would just have appreciated an owl..."

"I would have appreciated an owl 5 years ago when James started bullying people,"

"I deserved that," she sighs quietly, staring up at Harry as he watches tears swell in her eyes. Her voice cracks. "Do you hate me?"

"Hermione," he shakes his head, not daring to look at her. "I could never hate you. But I don't think our relationship can recover from this. We'll talk over the issues after Christmas, and I want to be the one to tell James this is permanent,"

Hermione always knew this was permanent, but hearing it hurts so much. It feels like she's been cheated out of happiness, out of years of happiness and a life that could have been so much more different, and so much more her own. It isn't Harry's fault or hers, but they were both acting on the expectations of others. Harry's fans in the Wizarding world who saw two 11 year old best friends and oversexualised them, teachers and peers who saw things between them that didn't exist, that never existed, but they must have because people kept mentioning it, right? The one thing that came out of this 19-year mess is James, and Hermione realises that it's all been worth it. It's terrible, and should never have happened, but it's been worth it to rate someone like him.

She starts to cry, devastated even after all they've been through together. How is this even worse than when she thought Harry died in the Chamber of Secrets? How is this worse than when he literally died, only to be revived by the Resurrection Stone? The stress she feels right now is worse than it was during the Minister for Magic Parliamentary Elections. This is so much worse somehow. Harry doesn't know what to do, is literally just baffled. Their kitchen is connected and there is a pot on the boil, Christmas dinner already cooking (the Muggle way, as any magic used in a small residence can go very badly for all involved) and he starts stirring it, entirely numb and transferring his pent-up energy into being minutely helpful. The monotony of the action is somewhat soothing, he finds.

Meanwhile.

Severus ascends the stairs and stares down a long corridor, walls painted dark, starkly contrasting against light streaming from the open doors of rooms. Third on the left, alright. He just has to get past 2 doors on that side, but his anxiety jolts into gear when he hears voices from the first room, shadows passing by the light, long and slender like looming Dementors. Of course, James' room. He's here and he's very close.

He's with friends, Severus hears The Marauders and gets an idea. If he can just creep by the doorway and get to his room, he won't have to deal with them until tomorrow and then Harry will be there. He hesitates, wondering when he started thinking of Harry as a protector before stepping forward as quickly as possible, grateful for the fluffy carpet under his feet.

"Hey, Severus,"

His heart already frantic and twitching, jumps into his throat, choking him painfully. A knot of nerves swells in his chest again and he turns to see James stares up at him from his space on the floor. The Marauders are crouched round a game board, something he doesn't recognise. "Eh, yes?" he asks, tone betraying the intensity of hi fear.

"Dad told me you were coming, but he didn't tell me why," James frowns. "So why the fuck are you here? Is it because he feels sorry for you or something?"

"I honestly don't know myself," Severus crosses his arms over his chest, keeping up his defensive wall. James is trying to be cordial and failing, letting his anger overtake him. This is still a dangerous situation, especially with all the Marauders here. "Maybe he's going to replace you with me?" he smiles, a little cruelly. James realises how aggressive he must seem, relaxing his stance and breaking the heavy eye contact.

"Hmph, I doubt he'd downgrade that much," James smirks to himself, hearing the snickers of the other Marauders. "Either way, it's good thing you're here. You can help me progress our project,"

Severus inwardly groans, hating this. Not only does he question the morality of giving such a dangerous and effective potion to James, he hates working on it - he loves potions, but this one isn't even mildly exciting. Maybe it's because he's working on it for someone else, but it just feels like a lot of gruelling work with anticlimactic progress made. Peter looks between James and Severus and scoffs.

"I don't know why you're trusting him with this if it's that secretive - you don't trust your friends over this fag?" he asks snottily. He earns a small glare from the rest of the Marauders, Severus just staring down at the floor angrily.

"It's not about trust, the fewer people who know what I'm doing the better," James explains tersely, giving Peter a harsh look as he speaks. "And don't fucking call him that,"

"Why? It's just Snivellus" Peter frowns. "Your dad's bi and he's fine with it,"

"That's two different defenses and neither of them work," Remus rolls his eyes. "Sorry," he apologises to Severus, both feeling the incredulity of such an exchange.

"Exactly, my dad isn't representative of the entire community," James elaborates. "But really, I'll tell you guys about this once it's done. I'm just using this idiot because I know he's good,"

Severus feels like the conversation has moved on without him. He isn't really a part of this anymore, taking the opportunity of their distraction to move from the doorway and drag his stuff to the guest room. It's empty and boring, with white floral curtains and the musty smell of an unused space. He throws his suitcase near the door, not bothering to unpack. The day's overstimulation catches up to him and once his head hits the pillow, still not having removed his shoes, he starts to relax, feeling himself fall asleep and not motivated to fight against it.

Some hours later, Harry knocks on the guest room door. "Severus?" He calls in. "Uh... dinner is ready? Can I come in?"

He pushes open the door, sticking his head through the opening. "We have treacle tart - oh," he sees Severus passed out on top of the duvet, sprawled out like a starfish. Harry smiles softly, the image before him endearing and making Severus look a bit more vulnerable and human, rather than the epitome of wry spite. He sits on the edge of the bed, feeling Severus twitch but not wake up. It's a nice moment, something Harry hasn't felt since the honeymoon phase with Hermione - the butterflies of a new crush. Is that what this is? If so, it feels delightfully inappropriate. "Well, if you want anything..." he offers the sleeping student, careful to close the door silently behind him.


	13. Christmas Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Mild romantic fluffy interaction between an adult and underage minor.

Harry and Hermione wake up in the same bed, on different sides. It's the way they've woken up together on Christmas for years, but this time it lacks warmth. There's no cuddling or intimate closeness. Harry sits on the edge of the bed, still partially asleep while Hermione flits around the bedroom trying on different suit combinations. "What do you think?" she asks him, holding up a black button down and grey two-piece. Harry blinks a few times.

"I-It looks great!" he says with uncertainty, scratching his head and feeling his hair flop down the back of his hand. At least when it's semi-long it doesn't stick up in all directions before he brushes it. "You... look great, Hermione,"

Hermione huffs, beginning to change standing in front of him. Harry glances out the window, disappointed this isn't going to be a white Christmas. "I should make it snow in here - create a microclimate!" he suggests.

"No!" Hermione gasps. "You'll ruin my hair before the speech!"

Every Christmas Day, the Minister for Magic gives a speech tp the entire Wizarding world, done live in a huge amphitheatre before the most powerful and respected Wizards, like Dumbledore. It's similar to the Queen's Speech done each Christmas for the Muggles, only difference is this one isn't shown on TV. People usually either have to see the speech live or project it magically from something, but they need to be accepted by a communications channel to project it.

"Aw, fine," Harry pouts. "Oh! Before I forget!" he snaps his fingers in sudden elation and rummages through his unpacked trunk from Hogwarts, revealing a pair of long, dark robes from within. He holds them up and Hermione sees the Hogwarts crest on the back, the lace sparkling golden and red, the Gryffindor colours.

"It's your Christmas present, I thought you'd like it for your speech," he grins.

"Oh Harry, it's perfect!" Hermione gasps, lunging forward into a hug. They go to kiss, like an immediate autopilot before thankfully Harry hesitates and they solely break away. It's decided with a look that they wont discuss what just happened. "I have your present too, one second,"

Hermione ducks behind the bed, the same place they used to stash James' presents. She produces a small package wrapped in red paper. Harry's eyes glow with excitement as he delicately unties the bowed ribbon, letting strands falls between his fingers. He pulls open the parcel with a look of grave concentration that makes Hermione laugh. This is the most careful way she's ever seen someone unwrap presents. The paper falls away.

"Oh Hermione," he hadn't noticed before that she hasn't been wearing her wedding ring. Maybe a testament to his lack of perception, Harry finds the ring in a box along with a note written in parchment and ink, in the calligraphic handwriting of his wife.

For you, and your future, whoever that is with.

"What do you mean by whoever my future is with?" he asks, confused. Hermione's eyes glitter for a second.

"Oh, - nothing, just a sentiment,"

"I love it anyway," Harry gives her a small smile, realising that's not all that's in the box. Hand-woven bracelets in thick twine are in there too, intricate patterns of gold and red and black.

"They're friendship bracelets," Hermione picks hers from the box, tying the back string around her wrist. "I sent Ron one for Christmas also,"

She holds her wrist up to the light, letting Harry watch how the bracelet fits. "We each wear them as a symbol of friendship. I had them made specially by the nice old woman down the road,"

Harry ties his on and it feel comfortable on him. He also makes a point to slip off his wedding ring. "It fits perfectly," his smile grows, as does his excitement for today.

*

Severus wakes to the annoying feet stamping in the hallway, like someone is rushing past his bedroom. Groggily he sits up, pushing fluffy bedhead hair away from his face. Light from the window irritates his eyes and makes him blink slightly, and banging from the corridor does the same. He opens the bedroom door inwards to see Harry Potter, a fully grown well-educated man famous for his inherent power running up and down the stairs in striped pyjamas. It's exactly how he would picture a young child acting on Christmas morning. "What are you doing?" he asks, adjusting yesterday's shirt around his torso. This morning seems like a lazy one despite Harry's energy, he's in no rush to do anything.

"It's Christmas," Harry stops by his bedroom door, smiling so much it must hurt, eyes filled with an innocent wonder typical of those who still believe in Santa Claus. If Harry's so obsessed with this holiday it may explain his eagerness to bring Severus along. "Christmas means presents and cake and old movies that are so terrible they're fantastic|!" he declares wondrously.

James steps out from his own bedroom, leaning against the doorway and crossing his arms, unimpressed. His hair is just as crazy as Harry's in the morning, sticking out at all angles. "Are you gonna be like this every year, dad? I thought this excitement would stop when I stopped believing in Santa,"

"Oh this absolutely isn't an act for you," says Hermione, emerging from her bedroom dressed sharply in a light grey suit, robes pinned across her shoulders. "I'm leaving soon, Harry, please try to act like an adult today,"

"No promises," he shrugs. Hermione rolls her eyes, Severus feeling like he can relate. This is too weird for him. He deliberates that it's probably perfectly normal but is just unknown to him. He knows why Hermione is leaving though - The Minster's Christmas speech. He remembers watching that with his parents each year before arriving at Hogwarts. At Hogwarts, Hermione's image is often magically projected into the ceiling in the Great Hall as she gives her speech each year.

"Oh, to the guests, you an wear whatever you want, but this tends to be an all-pyjamas household on Christmas," Hermione clarifies for Severus and The Marauders minus James. Severus stares down at his clothes, dishevelled from sleeping in them and retreats back into his room to change.

From his trunk he selects a pair of black soft silk pyjamas, adorned in small white polka-dots that button down the centre, with a bow on the Peter Pan collar and a pair of navy blue slippers. Unlike most students at Hogwarts, he lacks a sense of House Pride and doesn't care that his slippers happen to be the Ravenclaw colour - they're slippers, he likes them because they're comfy. Severus leaves his room again, not really sure what he expects to exist downstairs.

He might not have known what to expect, but it certainly wasn't this. The sitting room floor is buried under mountains of presents all carefully wrapped in different colours. It's an impressive sight, light dancing off the patterns of wrapping paper reflecting rainbow beams onto the dull walls. He's alone for just a second before a group of footsteps can be heard on the stairs. He barely has enough time to be awestruck before he's bumped into from behind, shove forward by his shoulder.

"Watch out the way, idiot!" calls Sirius who dives on a small pile of presents in black matte paper. Is this a common occurrence in the Potter household? Do The Marauders always stay for Christmas, and always get their own colours?

Apparently so. Peter's are orange, Remus' are brown. James is the last to come down, standing by Severus. He scoffs. "Course nobody bothered to explain this to you," he shakes his head. "Bloody heads up their own arses those two,"

Severus wonders why he feels a twinge of anger when James says that. He wants to defend Harry but James is completely right and he wouldn't have a leg to stand on in an argument. "Alright," he sneers, crossing his arms and trying to look intimidating. It doesn't work despite his height. "Explain it to me,"

"My friends stay every year - kind of tradition, their families don't object cause mum's the Minister," James grins cockily, sitting on the couch above everyone else. His presents are the biggest pile, in shining red with silver bows. He begin tearing up the wrapping paper, tossing it aside. "Dad and mum buy us all presents and we have a pyjama day. We don't really conform to the Muggle tradition of Christmas dinner so just eat whatever you want during the day. I guess these are yours,"

James points to the small pile of dark green presents. Severus smiles as he thinks about how considerate Harry is really being. It's not like he's being pitied - the presents won't be thinks he needs because he's poor, but thing he wants because they're presents and it's Christmas.

"Oh and Snivellus?"

Severus reluctantly tears his eyes across the presents. James winks at him with an evil smirk. "Put the kettle on and get us some tea," James orders sing a voice eerily similar to Harry' when he changes. Feeling embarrassed and spiteful, Severus walks into the kitchen, puts the kettle on and puts teabags in 4 identical white mugs. Everyone barks their specifications, of which there's a large variety. Sirius drinks it black as night without sugar. James takes 'a splash' of milk, Peter 3 sugars and milk and Remus with milk and 2 sugars. Severus gets flustered, having to go through each order step by step to produce them. Eventually he serves everyone's tea orders. It's so humiliating to essentially be their waiter and whatever confidence he had is crippled.

Harry arrives downstairs, Hermione must have apparated away from their bedroom or something. He stares blankly at the scene. "Severus, you haven't touched your presents?"

"I was..." he looks at the others. "Getting tea?"

"Okay?" Harry shakes his head, going to prepare his own cuppa and one for Severus. Severus kneels by his small pile of presents, feeling anxious. He doesn't want to draw attention to himself and tries to open them as quietly as possible. James and the others laugh merrily and toss crumpled pieces of wrapping paper around, each one having gotten a hefty supply of pranks and jokes from the magic joke shop in Diagon Alley, which incidentally is run by Ron Weasley's brothers.

"I'm gonna use these wheezers on Filtch!" James declares.

Severus stares at his own presents, feeling kind of numb. It still doesn't feel like they're his, the entire event feeling entirely surreal. He has a box of Honeyduke's White Chocolate Honeycomb, a centenarian textbook detailing the application of potions knowledge in job positions outside the laboratory and a small toy dragon with yellow eyes and white scaled skin. He picks up the stuffed dragon and wonders what the Hell Harry was thinking getting him this - although it does look kind of cute.

Harry, always one to appear out of nowhere like an assassin, sits by Severus on the floor and hands him a mug of steaming tea. He places a plate of biscuits between them. "I didn't know how you take tea so I made it... medium?"

"I - thank you," Severus mumbles, sipping tentatively. He would open his new sweets but fears the crinkling of the plastic might be loud and alert The Marauders. He settles for a biscuit instead. "I didn't get you anything,"

"I didn't expect anything," Harry dismisses with a smile. His eyes change, emotion draining from his face despite the expression remaining stone still. "After all, this is just me settling my debt,"

"Put on the telly, dad," James remembers, reaching for the remote. "This shitty movies await,"

"Indeed," Harry agrees, leaning over to put it on, leaving Severus in the highly unfortunate (or otherwise, depending on how you look at it) position of staring right up his crotch.

They watch the shitty movies until late afternoon when the world outside snaps to darkness. The lanterns mounted to the walls brighten it up to a cozy glow, reminding Harry of his old Gryffindor Commonroom. Everyone relaxes so naturally, James curled under a blanket with Sirius and even Severus can sit comfortably without bothering about The Marauders. Remus lets off some of the wheezers and light and they create a magical light show within the room.They break out a black forest gateau Hermione had been defrosting, settling it in the centre of the coffee table and talking the occasional bite.

Severus glances around the room at everyone else, how they project a naivety that doesn't exist. Can they compartmentalise themselves, letting go of their crappiness for one day? He admires that with mild avarice but he isn't bitter about it. If this Christmas has taught him anything it's that he's perfectly happy with who he Is even if he does feel like letting himself be more open minded. Saying that, the outside streetlamps seem to beckon him to the tempting blackness outside and there are too many people in this room for it not to be stuffy.

"I'm going outside," Severus declares and nobody objects. He walks through the kitchen to the back door. He pen it onto the small back garden designed as a step patio, stairs he climbs to a concrete square with a metal bench sitting asymmetrically in the centre. There's a cushion in the corner with a lion emblem ad he leans against it. Merlin, he could do with a smoke right now.

He looks up and into the stars, enjoying this silent peace. It was fun inside but there's only so much stimulation he can stand before it becomes too much and he needed a break.

Meanwhile, in the sitting room James pushes the blanket off himself, feeling the change in temperature hit him immediately. He sits on the windowsill by Harry, leaning his back against the glass. "You should go and keep him company," he suggests.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Harry smiles.

"You so obviously like him Dad. Don't think I don't know why he's here,"

"I don't know how I feel yet," Harry retorts, shifting uncomfortably away from James. He can't deny that he likes Severus but his head is a big mess right now and he doesn't have an explanation or even a definition for what he feels. There's so much that could go wrong with this. "And I don't even know if he reciprocates that. We haven't even had a conversation about it,"

James lightly nudges him off the windowsill with his shoulder. "Then go and have a conversation about it. I know you're awkward but this is ridiculous,"

Harry lets his head fall in his hands, pushing his fringe back from his eyes. "He's your age, he's your classmate - my student - how are you okay with this?"

"You can't have expected anything less from me - we can be honest with each other Dad," that's a lie and they both know it, both know the kind of secrets James keeps from Harry. The teacher clenches his jaw tight to lock up those words, standing and wandering outside.

Severus snaps his head down when he hears the back door opening, Harry's shadow starkly black against the light inside the house. He jogs up the stairs and stands in front of Severus, grinning. "Can I sit with you?"

"Okay," Severus pushes himself further into the corner despite there being plenty of space. Harry sits in the centre, leaning back on the bench. He stretches his arms wide and reels his head back, staring straight into the sky. He hears his friendship bracelet clack against the metal backrest.

"The stars are particularly nice tonight," Harry comments, his voice aloof and confident. Inside he's a complete mess, panicked and questioning every life decisions he's ever made - especially the one he just made. Commenting on the stars, what a fucking conversation starter.

"They're better at Hogwarts," Severus looks up too and frowns. "Out so far in the countryside you can see the prominent constellation from the Perseus family. Out here I an only see one - Andromeda, the chained maiden. I enjoy the story that comes from this one actually, even if itself the constellation is astronomically insignificant. Andromeda was the daughter of Cassiopeia and Cepheus in Greek mythology, who was chained and sacrificed for the sea monster Cetus to eat. She was then saved by Perseus. The sacrifice was to appease the Gods and stop the sea monster from ravaging the land. Poseidon sent Cetus after Cassiopeia had boasted that she was more beautiful than the nymphs - so that whole thing could have been avoided if Poseidon wasn't butthurt over gossip,"

Severus pauses, looking over to see Harry grinning like an idiot and staring at him with such intensity. Harry breaks their eye contact, shaking his head and laughing slightly. "How is it I could sit out here and listen to you prattle on about stars for the rest of my life?"

"Because you're lazy and like bedtime stories?" Severus offers. Harry smiles at him, really smiles, leaning closer to rest his shoulder on Severus.

"I know you're underage... but you turn 16 in a few day, don't you..." Harry's eyes appear distant, clouded by lust. He's releasing himself from his own shackles. There's something entirely insane in his eyes that Severus can't identify. "If you don't want this, tell me to stop and I will,"

Severus can't deny his fear. It's there, simmering underneath all his other anxieties. He wonders if he's having a panic attack but knows if he thinks about it too much he'll give himself one regardless. And then he wouldn't be able to experience this exciting rush that's making his heart race in his chest - it's making him forget the difference between Monksford and Wolfsbane. Harry is so warm against him, and soft and the pressure is just right as he tenderly presses their lips together. They kiss to the tune of Christmas fireworks in the distance.


	14. The Project Interrupted

When Severus gently breaks from the kiss his hair is greasy with sweat and his pale face baring a tinge of pink blush. Harry stands up, expression stern and devoid of emotion. He fixes himself. "You should turn in," he states in a voice so hollow the kiss may not have even affected him. And once he smooths down his hair, curling around his ears and halfway down his neck, he returns to the jubilant party going on beyond the doorway. Severus can only sit there for a few seconds in the suddenly so empty garden. He doesn't entirely understand what he's feeling, a strange fluttering in his stomach that works its way up to his chest. It's positive but he refuses to call it a 'crush' or whatever other people use to describe such an attraction for someone.

He walks upstairs two at a time to escape any awkwardness from the living room as he passes it. He's within sight but the inane merriment continues unabated by his presence. Thankfully nobody notices him and he retreats to his guest bedroom. Already in pyjamas Severus simply turns off the light and closes the door to muffle the overly loud party. He stares at the moonlight shining through the window. It bathes the room nicely in its glow, ribbons of moonlight passing over his body as the hours tick by. His brain is too busy to sleep. The noise from the party died down a long time ago but he didn't hear anyone distinctly going to bed.

The door opens from behind and he pretends to be asleep. It's probably Harry and he'll probably leave. He starts to doubt his probabilities when a heavy coat lands roughly across him. Well if he was asleep before he wouldn't be now, so he sits up, seeing a thick dark fleece draping over his body. "What do you want?"

It's James adorned in his pyjamas but also a pair of slippers and a thick Parka buttoned up all the way. His fluffy hood is already pulled up. It's a similarly light colour to his hair and makes his black glasses stick out. Severus isn't used to seeing James in anything other than dark Hogwarts robes or the Gryffindor colours. "Get up, we have work to do," James lifts with one hand a heavy cauldron filled with equipment from their project.

Severus wordlessly puts on the coat and slides on his slippers. It's very obviously Harry's coat and the sleeves are too short on him. He stuffs his cold hands in his pockets. Annoyed at the rude intrusion he doesn't bother to be quiet when they try and sneak out the back door, presumably to climb the fence and work on the potion in the woods behind Harry's house. The joys of the Muggle suburbs.

James silently opens the back door with his keys, fumbling with the handle a little in the darkness. Once he wrenches the door open the security light on the wall outside lights up the garden like a camera flash. "Shit," James whispers and they steal across the garden, clambering over the fence separating the house from the woods, a bit difficult when the metal is freezing and they're in heavy coats. "Lumos,"

The forest behind the house is lush and evergreen, condensation dripping from branches encased in crystallised ice. James leads Severus along a deep scar ripped through the thicket with this small light and Severus feels his pyjamas tear slightly with the thorns. They scratch and claw at his ankles a little, he doesn't know if they bleed.

They reach a small clearing and James sets out the equipment. He holds the wand light up, sitting down cross-legged. It casts sharp shadows across his face and body, giving him deep set eyes and luminous pale skin. He gestures for Severus to sit opposite and he does. "I want this done tonight,"

"I don't know if that's possible," Severus mumbles, but begins work anyway. James must have swiped these phials from school but thankfully none are very high-grade or volatile. James pulls the book from his jacket and holds the wand light over it, keeping still as Severus works. They may have only been working for 10 minutes when a twig snaps somewhere in the darkness behind Severus.

They freeze, terrified. Neither needs to be told the dreaded threat of such a situation. If it's a Muggle they risk exposing all of Wizard kind and being thrown into Azkaban. If it's an animal they risk death. If it's a Wizard they'll be expelled from Hogwarts for underage magic use and the numerous thefts. They might even get charged for it. James snaps off his wand light and they listen.

It's silent for such a long time. Minutes of sensory depravation and just the faint sounds of each other's breath. Just as James thinks it's safe to turn on his wand light, another appears above the book, shedding light on their entire operation. Severus almost drops his phial and James does drop his wand. They both look up.

Standing in front of them, dressed in a similarly awkward fashion, is Harry. His breath is visible in the cold and it reminds them of a dragon breathing smoke. James flinches and scrambles to hide some of the evidence the behind his back but it's too late. Severus doesn't think he's ever seen his arch nemesis so scared. Unfortunately he's too startled to enjoy it.

"I think it's time to fess up about your little project," Harry smiles pleasantly, hands behind his back in an expectant fashion. He could be offering them ice cream and his expression would be fitting. James begins to speak but Harry raises his free hand.

"Gather this up - get all of it," they don't need to be told twice and Severus helps James collect it all. "With any luck I'll be able to sneak it back to the castle before the holiday is over. We'll talk when we get back to the house. I'm not interested in either of you dying of hypothermia,"

Harry turns on his heels and walks back to the house, lighting the way with his wand. Severus and James follow, sharing mildly worried looks. With how James is acting Severus assumes he's never been on the receiving end of a pissed-off Harry before. That isn't true but it is a rare enough occurrence that he doesn't know how to react each time.

They return and Harry puts the kettle on. "Lay everything out, all of it," he instructs. They put everything on display on the living room carpet and sit on opposite end of the couch, still dressed for the outdoors and shivering. Their slippers are wet with dirt and so are the ends of their pyjama trousers. Severus' are bloodstained. James' Parka has a ripped hood from catching on some random overhanging branch.

Harry comes back and gives them both tea, taking his own mug. He stands on the other side of the equipment and stares at them, very deadpan. He blows on the tea to cool it down. 0His emotionless expression is making both students more anxious.

"How'd you find out?" James asks indignantly, selling a brave front nobody is buying.

"I have my ways," Harry's eyes sparkle in deception and the students become more uncomfortable and withdrawn. He realises that being terrifying isn't going to be productive at all here and resigns himself to his outward personality. The 'heads' side of the coin if you will.

"Okay," Harry sighs and rests his head in his hand for a second. He's honestly so confused. He doesn't know how to do this and is a unprepared as James for this kind of scenario. "Um - right. I guess my first question is what exactly are you doing with this?"

"It's a trick book. Like low-level dark magic for illicit spells," James states, knowing lying isn't going to get him anywhere and Harry can and will use Veritaserum if he gets suspicious. "I got it from the Restricted Section in the library using Snape's pass,"

"That I know," Harry dismisses. "And I don't care. What were you using it for and what the fuck potion is inside that?" he points to the cauldron stinking of fermented ingredients with a grimace of disgust. It clearly isn't meant to be in a warm, small room like this.

James wonders why he didn't say anything if he's known all this time but moves along. "I gave a page to Remus to help us with our sensory issues. He's making that potion right now, I think,"

Harry nods in understanding. Remus has had severe sensory issues since he got turned when he was 5, especially with noise and touch. Ever since James and the rest of the Marauders sacrificed their own humanity to become animagi as well they've had them too. Sirius has it worst as a dog with noise and smell, unable to go a day without experiencing sensory overload. James the stag gets overly paranoid when startled. Peter the rat can't handle temperature changes. They all take Adderall for it but that's never been enough. He knows they suffer and totally understands if James wants a non-Muggle solution.

But this potion, he thinks with his very limited knowledge of potions, doesn't seem like a physical one. This seems like a mind-altering potion that messes with neurons.

"But that's not what this is," Harry nods to the half-finished project on the floor.

"No," James readily admits. "Tell him Snape,"

Severus, who has been watching in anxious silence, gulps and begins. "T-That's a Revealing Potion called Amernic, I guess it's similar to Amortentia but a lot less powerful and doesn't alter anything. It forces someone, basically, to act on their repressed feelings. Like the feelings they'd never tell anyone else and sometimes even they don't know about. It's usually like, suppressed anger or revenge or love or something..." he trails off.

Harry looks at James. There's two possibilities for what he'd use this for. One, to see if Lily secretly wants to date him. He's had a crush on her since they first started at Hogwarts but she's always been apprehensive towards him, likely because she's Severus' friend. That wouldn't be cool but it'd be expected and relatively harmless. The second possibility is a lot more sinister and scares Harry a Hell of a lot more. "What were you going to do with it?"

James glowers at his father, knowing he knows and not wanting to say this. Still, he stands by it. "I was going to use it on you and Snape. Only once the holidays ended and he turned 16, cause I know you two are into each other but there's no way you'd go for it. You're much too awkward dad,"

So apparently there was a 3rd possibility, one that ameliorates some of Harry's anxieties. Harry had theorised that James would have spiked his and Severus' drinks on New Years', leading to a far more dangerous outcome just to get them together. It's a relief to know his son isn't that reckless. "Alright - I... alright," Harry kneels down by it. "I'm just going to be a teacher here. You stole from Hogwarts, I'm going to take 50 points from Gryffindor for this,"

"But dad-!"

"And Slytherin," Harry clarifies although he's sure Severus won't care about this. "That's only fair. And you're going to continue library detention until the end of the year,"

"It's going to be Quidditch season!" James groans.

"Then you're going to have even less time to pull stupid crap like this," Harry gestures to the equipment on the floor that now looks undignified and scattered. "I don't have a problem with the sensory issues potion. If it helps then I support it but be careful. Do you need any of this for it?"

"No," James states. He knows that if he puts any emotion into his voice it'll come out as a snarky growl. He just stands up, scoffs slightly at Severus and stomps upstairs. They hear his door slam and the confused questioning of the other Marauders.

It's just Harry and Severus and this is a lot more difficult to deal with. How can he treat the boy he kissed 5 hours ago as nothing but a student? He has no authority over Severus as anything but a teacher and that isn't flying in this scenario. Nevertheless Severus stares at the floor. "Sorry,"

"You'd think for how arrogant you are you'd be a bit more assertive," Harry crosses his arms and glares down disapprovingly. "Don't do everything my son tells you and don't be so passive next time,"

"People just think I'm an ass if I'm not," he looks away, unable to make eye contact. He hates criticism, absolutely hates it and is incredibly close to snapping. He's a pissy person and it feels like Harry is condescending him. Using his 'teacher voice' is making this 10 times worse.

"Then be ass," Harry flashes a smile down at him, honestly trying to contain his laughter. When the threat has passed, when he realised what James was actually doing, he can absolutely see the funny side of this utterly memorable Christmas. "There's a reason I like you and it isn't because you're fake-awkward. I want to see more of the real you, the person I spoke to on the train. The person who told me about the stars. I want you to correct me and be an ass. I like assertive people because I'm not assertive and that's one of the reasons I like you,"

Harry stares into his tea and frowns into it. By now it's gone cold. "I'm going to bed. Do what you want," he turns back after dumping the tea in the sink. "There's a change of pyjamas in the dryer and a first aid kid in the end cupboard in the bathroom. I'll clean this shit up tomorrow,"

He wanders upstairs and Severus hears, distantly, him close the door to his bedroom. Once he's safely in the room Harry breathes a long exhale, crashing onto Hermione's bed in exhaustion. "That was awful,"

"That was parenting," Hermione, who's sitting against the headboard reading, laughs.

"Thank Merlin you saw them in the woods on the way back. How was your speech?" he begins to change pyjamas.

"I only saw the wand light form the sky but I thought it was them when you heard them sneak out - and you didn't watch my speech? I'm offended," she smirks, closing her book and marking the page with a bookmark. It's a habit Harry hates but that has been instilled into him from their teenaged years of being nagged at.

"Was I meant to watch it on my Muggle TV then? Did the Ministry air your speech on Channel 4?"

"Shut up," Hermione rolls her eyes. "The speech went well. Some rumours about us at the Ministry but I'm dealing with them. Now I want to know exactly what was happening in the woods. I couldn't hear everything from downstairs,"

Harry smiles and places a finger to his lips. "It's a secret," he teases.


	15. Coming of Age

January 6th is Severus' 16th birthday. It's also the day the Christmas break ends and Hogwarts is once again crowed with excitable students showing off new winter gear, suitcases, trunks and pets along with whatever bright sparkling new trend is the go-to present this year. Christmas isn't celebrated in the Wizarding world to the extent that Muggles do but even the smallest and briefest of festivities somehow get turned into parties when magic is involved. Harry theorises it's a survival mechanism from the time of the Death Eaters. Their world is finally free so they express that freedom in its extreme and use any excuse they can to show off that freedom. Harry admires it as one of the few aspects of Wizarding culture he applauds. 

Classes are a noisy waste of time on the first day back and Harry is more than happy to ease his students back into Hogwarts life by giving them a free period. He takes the time to catch up on the Prophet articles he never read over Christmas until the clock chimes and the students disperse for their next classes. Severus still sneaks out that secluded archway in the side of the wall, avoiding James even after they spent almost the entire holiday being civil. "Miss Evans? Could you stay behind please?" he asks nicely, folding up his paper and straightening in his seat. He peers over his glasses at the enthusiastic student who skips up to his desk. 

Lily Evans, the daughter of Muggles is one of the brightest and most diligent students in the year and one of Harry's favourites. She gives him a polite smile as long red hair drapes over her shoulders and bunches up under her scarf. "Yes, Mr Potter?" she asks. 

"You know Severus stayed over at my house during the Christmas holidays," Harry paces around to the front of his desk and sits on it. "And you're his best friend. What would he want for a birthday present?" 

Harry has no idea what Severus would want. His meagre number of necessities are all he has and aren't inspiring him. He knows some of Severus' interests but 'astronomy and potions' doesn't give much scope to work with for a birthday present. Maybe a decorative solar system model? He scolds himself. that's lame. 

"A birthday present, sir?" Lily frowns and Harry watches the wheels turn in her head behind her focused eyes. Lily knows he stayed over yes but when she asked Severus for details he became flustered and vague. Startled by her questions he snapped irritated answers or got defensive. She knew he was acting weird and now the professor is asking about his birthday. Despite her curiosity she still considers Harry's request. 

"If I were you sir," she clutches the strap of her satchel. "I wouldn't get him anything," 

"Why?" Harry tilts his head. 

"Severus doesn't like birthdays sir, he doesn't celebrate them. I'm his best friend - I don't even get him anything," she chuckles a little.   
So many things about Severus just sadden Harry and this is one of them. He keeps drawing parallels between them and remembers when his Aunt and Uncle gifted him with a pair of old socks and nothing else. If Severus' birthdays haven't ever been celebrated of course he won't be interested in a present now. "I see, thank you. And Miss Evans - er, may I call you Lily?" 

"Yes sir," 

Harry gives her a grin and a thumbs up. "Thanks, that could've been a disaster," 

"...Alright," Lily nods stiffly and hurries off to her next class once excused. Her mind reels with the vast expanse of possibilities but not one seems to fit. She cannot think why a professor would be acting that way, she's never seen it happen before. Not just the birthday present thing, but even Mr Potter calling Severus by his first name. Hogwarts professors don't do that - they remain detached as the perilous nature of the Wizarding world make permanency in the closest of relationships hard to solidify. 

After a Herbology class during which she's withdrawn in her thoughts and pay no attention, and where James keeps trying to catch her attention from a few benches away, she make a beeline for the Slytherin commonroom and climbs the stairs two at a time to Severus' dorm. He's studying the day's material, copying it into a notebook while structuring into the best format for him to memorise. Lists of ingredients and the like. It's a smart way to revise that works well for Severus because of his diligence and attention to detail. His ability to memorise lots of information is why potions is his best subject. 

"Afternoon," Severus sighs once he sees her and marks up his notebook, tossing it down the end of his bed. Lily sits on the side of his bed and stares down at him. He senses something is amiss and sits up, pulling his knees to his chest. He stares back. "What?" 

"Professor Potter asked what he should get you for your birthday," 

"Ugh," Severus groans at this painful information. "I hope you told him to get me nothing," 

"Severus," Lily fixates on a spot on the floor, her mastery of disassociating the only reason she can speak with him like this. "What really happened over Christmas?" 

Severus side-eyes her uncomfortably. There's no embarrassment over what happened, at least not for the physical stuff. But honestly he's falling for Harry. He's falling hard for Harry and doesn't want to admit it to Lily because that would be akin to committing to this crush of his that feels entirely unnecessarily frightening. "Nothing happened - why do you keep asking me about it?" he sneers defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"You know you're putting up a... literal wall right now?" Lily raises an eyebrow and points out his very literal emotional barrier between them. Severus scowls deeper and uncrosses his arms, picking at the threads of the blankets nervously instead. Harry told him to be his arrogant bitchy self... it isn't helping with Lily. She's too pure for his bitterness to corrupt her. "Did something happen with James?" 

"No, not James," Well she's partially right. Anything that happened with Harry was initiated and encouraged by James, he can't fault her perceptiveness. "Ha - Professor Potter and I talked. We're kind of friends now, I think?" 

Lily's eyes widen. It took a lot of commonality and deep conversations, exploring the depths of one another's soul for Severus to call her a friend. Why would Severus say that about a teacher he barely knows and doesn't even like as far as she knows? He wanted nothing to do with Harry Potter before Christmas, what could have possibly happened over the holidays? "Friends, how?" she asks, brows furrowing in confusion. 

Severus feels a prickling sense of regret, something lingering over his skin and disruptive all his body systems and interrupting his thoughts. He doesn't know how to answer and probably won't be able to come up with a convincing lie in time for it to not be a blatant fabrication of his emotions. But honestly he wouldn't know how to tell the truth since it's still unclear to him. He remembers the timeline of events but pinpointing any key point when his relationship with Harry changed seems impossible. Even the kiss wasn't entirely effective in altering their intimacy levels. 

"Just over Christmas we got close. We understand each other better I think. Or I just took the time to. I judged him too harsh at the beginning," he admits, honestly not as ashamed as he usually would be that he was wrong in his assumptions. He prides himself on reading people and his judgements being crystal clear but with Harry everything is just... acceptable. He can be wrong, he can screw up their entire relationships and it would somehow just turn out alright. Maybe not great but alright. Maybe this is his maturity talking now he's the legal age - maybe it's infatuation with Harry. He doesn't think the teacher would ever judge him for being incorrect. 

"Really? That's really not like you. Well I'm glad you're happy anywsy," she sighs. 

"You don't seem very happy?" 

Lily shrugs, settling further against the wall. "I guess I just see you changing. You've been changing since you got here - and it's great! You seem a lit happier. But I've been your best friend for years and I've never been able to have this effect on you," 

"I'm sorry," Severus laughs. "But you might have made a lot of changes to me. Like you said we've been friends for years, who knows what traits I've developed over that period of time that you're responsive. for?" 

"That's way too optimistic for you," she laughs, shaking her head. "Wow, you really do feel different since before the holidays," 

"Well I can legally smoke now - who knows what other changes come with being sixteen. Maube I'm getting my adult personality?" he offers with a grin. 

"It's a great adult personality," Lily rests her head on his shoulder and they sit in comfortable silence and Severus leans back against his pillow "But you better tell me everything you and Harry did on that holiday," 

"Argh - Fine! Can you keep a secret?" 

"Severus," Lily rolls her eyes. 

"Alright... Stupid question, I know you can," he takes a breath to prepare himself. "We kissed on Christmas Day," 

"You kissed?!" Lily gasps, clapping her hands over her mouth in shock. She never knew Severus had it in him! The initial shock passes and she realises this isn't an abstract possibility, but something that actually happened. Her friend kissed his teacher while still underage. "But you were..." 

"Yeah, 15," people are right when they say talking about a problem helps. It now feels less repressed and more open, a relief on the strain of this secret to share it with just one person. Still, he has the backlash to worry about as Lily stares at him wide eyed. What will she do?  
Lily begins to say something but before she can, and before she can even process the news properly, Hedwig appears at the window again, tapping it gently with her beak. The professional-looking owl squeaks at Severus to be allowed inside once he turns to see her. Walking over and opening the window she extends her leg with a note tied to it. "Thanks again," he pets the owl gently. She flies off in the same direction as she did before, Harry's office then. 

"What does that say?" Lily asks, apprehension in her voice. She knows who it's from. 

"I'm to meet him in the courtyard," Severus mutters the summary and scrunches up the letter. He grabs his scarf from the bedpost and wraps it around his neck but Lily grips his arm, pleading with her eyes at his dark expression. 

"You can't go!" 

"I can - I'm legal now remember," he pulls away, she doesn't resist. "It'll be fine, I'll be fine. It's just Harry - he's fine," 

"Harry..." Lily notices the familiarity in how he says the name. How he just defaults to it instead of hesitating and saying 'Professor Potter'. They've been emotionally intimate for a while then. "Alright," she hides a worried gulp with a curt nod. "But you better tell me everything," 

"You know me better than that," Severus rolls his eyes and escapes the commonroom.


	16. The Technically-Not-Birthday Party

When Severus arrives in the open courtyard, hands stuffed in his stuffed in his pockets and his breath visible on the air, Harry is waiting for him. He's dressed in a dark red scarf and long brown coat and his emerald eyes gleam in the sunlight with golden speckles. His hair is flat and reflective against the snow that makes dazzling silver flecks appear at the ends. He's smiling. It's the smile Severus remembers from Harry's first day of teaching. One of enthusiastic bliss and excitement. He waves over with a gloves hand the same colour as his scarf. He runs up to Severus, boots crunching in the snow, and attacks him with a tight hug.

"Happy Coming-of-Age day," he chuckles as he lets Severus go albeit reluctantly.

"Coming of Age day?" Severus lets out his own brief and low chuckle from the back of his throat. It's more of a good-natured scoff.

"Well, since you don't like your birthday I figured we could just celebrate today as you being legal to date. And I could take you on a date - that way..."

"It's not technically a birthday party? You are insufferable," he rolls his eyes but can't help be amused at Harry's thinking. The man really is the epitome of cuteness especially here smiling with his nose tinged red surrounded by snow. He sighs. "Very well, what is this date exactly?"

"Good things come to those who wait," Harry sings with infuriating ambiguity. Severus must resigned himself to this being a surprise.

They're already walking towards the castle exit, the icy bridge stretching imperially across the frozen lake. It's a beautiful sight, this expanse of crystal clear white. Like the world is encased in a dome of diamond. Only stars would make it better. They walk slowly, admiring the scenery. Severus can legally smoke now and pulls a fag from his pocket - Harry wonders if he has an endless supply. He lights it and a pocket of warmth forms around his hands. Who needs gloves when you have a mini fire smouldering away in your hands?

"If this is out first official date, is that us officially dating?" Severus asks. He's not great with this social-cues crap but knows he can ask and Harry won't judge him.

"Hm, I would think so," Harry laughs, slipping a hand into Severus' and squeezing it gently. "If you'd like,"

"You're so arrogant," Severus rolls his eyes. "Of course I want to date you,"

Harry grins wider and Severus pulls away.

"No!"" he protests to the sound of Harry's laughter. "Do not let this feed your ego!"

Harry keeps laughing and is amused all the way to Hogsmead, although they walk nicely side-by-side in relative silence the rest of the way. Because of the snow or maybe because it's a lazy day the town is sparsely populated. A few Witches dotted around here and there but the cobbled cottages and contrasting contemporary businesses alike look similarly abandoned. Not the creepy type of abandoned, more like they'd look in the quaint olden times when people sat in the house on days like this and played Wizards' Chess as a family. It makes Harry feel fuzzy inside, he's happy for all these people who can spend the day indoors with loved ones. Even if he's having the time of his life outdoors.

From the outside the restaurant is a narrow walkway, black and invisible against the dark obsidian stone these buildings were constructed from. Inside it's aglow with the light of a chandelier and wide open, maybe even miles and miles of square metres of large tables with low couches and armchairs that's still somehow cosy. They sit at a wooden round table side-by-side in this mostly empty restaurant. Like outside, a patron appears occasionally but this place is so big where they're sitting remains a mystery.

Menus levitate at a comfortable reading length form their faces and sense when they're done looking to turn their own pages. Harry hums and comments on what looks good and what doesn't and the pros and cons of almost every item. Severus ponders the menu silently. He looks like he's brooding. His fists are clenched and a glower on his face. One may think he's contemplating murder but Harry knows he's just nervous. Maybe now they're dating Harry can finally find out what's up with Severus and his totally-not-obvious panic disorder. 

A nice, upbeat girl with a flat nose and hair pulled into a tight ponytail appears by their side. "Hi there, welcome to Cloak and Wand, can I get you guys any drinks?"

"Hi-" Harry squints at her name tag while Severus ponders the menu silently. "- Zahra. I'd like uh, just a latte. And for food can I have a treacle scone?"

"Of course sir," she relays the instructions to a floating pen which scribbles down the order. "With clotted cream and jam?"

"Blackcurrant jam?" he asks hopefully.

"Only the best for The Boy Who Lived," she replies with vigour. Harry shifts uncomfortably at the recognition but keeps up his smile. Severus notices this and quickly gets her attention off of him.

"I'll take a black coffee and a plain scone - oh and white chocolate ice cream for desert afterwards," he speaks slowly and closes the menu, handing it to her. "And can you bring a candle - this is a romantic date,"

"I - of course," Zahra looks between the professor and the teen in the Slytherin uniform having shed their winter attire. They just give her overly polite go-away smiles and she takes the hint.

"I never pegged you for the romantic type," Harry admits. 

"Then you're even less perceptive than I thought," Severus hums in evil amusement. "What part of 'sitting in the garden at night ranting about stars' indicates I'm anything other than hopeless romantic?"

"You're right, I should have realised that," 

Zahra returns with their drinks and a candle, placing it in the centre of the table already lit. It has a rose smell. "You two are cute together," she comments quietly before rushing off to another customer several hundred metres down the row. 

"She ain't wrong," Harry sips his latte. 

"You have a milk moustache - idiot," Severus leans forward and licks it off Harry's lip tenderly. It's an innocent gesture and one so loving and intimate it makes Harry blush. He glows but not from the candlelight. That was so adorably romantic - how could he have been so wrong about Severus? 

"I just have one question," Severus sounds nervous and it makes Harry nervous. His heart rate shoots up. Fuck. Why is it so tense now?  
"Can it work between us? With the student and teacher thing, or will there always be barriers?" 

"There will always be a power dynamic," Harry admits less than readily. "But other than that, everyone else supports us. There's nothing stopping us now that you're officially an adult Wizard. I don't see any problems with us being together," 

"Maybe I could move in with you then?" Severus suggests. Harry knows why he's suggesting it. To get away from the assholes who bully him in Slytherin and so he won't have to see his parents during the summer. 

"Ah - there is a problem with that. I live in the castle anyway and don't have a home besides that - I gave Hermione our shared house," 

Severus purses his lips. He's disappointed but he's used to it and doesn't blame Harry. 

Their food arrives and conversation turns to hopes and dreams for the future. 

"What do you want to be? You're set to get Exceeds Expectations at least in all of your NEWTS - and you're taking numerous advanced classes. With so many options what do you want to do with yourself?" Harry asks. So much about Severus is still unclear to him. 

"I'll go into further study - maybe as a potions apprentice until or at university. I want to be qualified for something to do with potions anyway. After that I don't know," he admits. He hasn't really thought about it, he just wants to be successful in the academic sense. He wants to make a name for himself in the Wizarding world and his love for potions seems the best way to achieve that. 

"As creative as you are, I can't see you going into research or being an inventor," Harry wrinkles his nose at the thought of Severus in a lab coat mixing chemicals. That's the kind of mental image he gets followed by a disastrous debacle. "No... you're more suited for a leadership role provided you get over those nerves of yours. A calm position without much activity. Maybe a teacher?" 

"A teacher, pfft!" Severus laughs. "I'd be a shit teacher," 

"Yeah," Harry agrees, laughing too. "You'd be an ass - everyone would hate you and I bet you'd turn into one of those bitter, jealous bullies if you became a teacher," 

"I'd like to refute that but I can't," Severus admits. 

They share dessert. Harry isn't the biggest white chocolate fan and would have preferred a treacle tart - which looked amazing in the menu pic - but after just eating a treacle scone that'd be kinda redundant and tasteless. The candle is almost out of wax and the ice cream bowl soon empty. 

Zahra comes back over with a smile. "Was everything okay for you two?" 

"Perfect, thanks!" she hands them the bill before trotting off to the next table and Harry winces. "You didn't... bring any money did you?" 

"I have ten Knuts to my name and they're squirrelled away in a Gringotts bank account," 

"Ignoring that pun," Harry rolls his eyes. "I can't afford this," 

"You what?!" Severus feels his Geiger counter of anxiety shoot up to alarming levels. Beep beep. Alert - incredibly stressful and awkward situation ahead! "What are we going to do?!" 

Harry, with his experience as a Quidditch Seeker has the mind of a strategist and it isn't easy to see the best course of action. "Here's the plan: the bathroom is 150 metres way by table 304. We go to the bathroom and pray there's a window to climb out of. If not, I'll - I don't know, there'll be a spell for this somewhere in my head," he's feeling unnaturally calm for a situation like this. 

"O-Okay..." Severus gulps. "I feel bad for Zahra. We have to leave something. How much money have you got?" 

Harry counts it out. They're only a few galleons short. "Leave it on the table," Severus instructs, plucking s random waiter pen out of the air and scribbling 'Sorry' on the bill. 

They speed-walk to the bathroom a few paces apart and as casually as possibly - which isn't very casually considering they're speed-walking in a restaurant - where there thankfully is a window and thankfully both Wizards are particularly small. Harry feels quite self-conscious about being able to fit through this narrow window but this isn't the time to look a gift Centaur in the mouth. Running along the snowy street behind the restaurant they both burst out laughing once they're at a safe enough distance. Slowing down, Harry bends over and rests on his hunkers. 

"Well that was," he pants. "Fun," 

"I feel so bad, oh Merlin!" Severus laugh, similarly out of breath and covering his face in shame under his hair and hands. The post-anxiety adrenaline is pumping through his veins and making him giggle uncontrollably. "We're never doing that again!" 

"If we can help it that is," Harry rationalises. 

"Where to next?" Severus wonders aloud once they're on a slow walk once again. They're outside the main square now, passing the occasional pub but otherwise open fields. 

"I don't know - we don't have any money because someone is overly moral and felt bad," Harry accuses jokingly. 

"You misunderstand," Severus shakes his head and lights another smoke. "I don't have morals. I was just too anxious to leave without paying like that," 

"Mhmm a sense of justice then. Not morals, my mistake," Harry hums. He walks ahead a little before he feels something cold and wet hit the back of his head, shocking him. He gasps and whirls around to see Severus grinning evilly and holding a second snowball in his hand. His other arm hangs behind him so Harry can just se a rounded shoulder. 

"Oh, are you challenging me?" Harry quirks an eyebrow. 

"Far as I'm concerned I'm the champion and you're the challenger," Severus bounces the ball in his hand, throwing it up and catching it. Repeat. 

"You sure you wanna do this?" Harry challenges with narrow, determined eyes. "I was a Seeker remember," 

"In that case think fast!" Severus throws the snowball into the air. Harry looks up and is blasted in the face with a third one that had been hidden behind Severus' back. The snow lodges in his glasses and freezes his already reddening face. 

"You little shit - you asked for this!" Harry threatens, ducking behind a mound of snow and assembling his arsenal. 

"And I better get it," The gleam of competition concentrates in the black depths of Severus' eyes. 

They draw 3-3 by the end of the snowball fight. Dusk signals the end to their date. They need to return to the castle now to get Severus back by lights out, for he can't ignore all the school rules just because he's dating his teacher. Sure accomplice to potions theft can be swept under the rug but being out of bed after hours? That's going too far. 

On the serene walk back, when the white background of the world is varying shades of cold romantic blue, they cross the bridge once more. "Did you have a good Coming-of-Age celebration then?" Harry asks. "That technically wasn't a birthday party?" 

 

"Yeah," Severus admits, too elated and exhausted from the snowball fight to engage in facetious banter. "But next time I'm destroying you in a snowball fight," 

 

"Of course you are," Harry agrees. Severus can't help question whether or not that was sarcasm. It's a question that'll bother him all night until at 3 am he's awoken from his restless sleep by Hedwig at his window. She carries a note which Severus reads and scrunches into a vengeful ball. 

 

_It was sarcasm - I'd bet my broomstick on winning.  
Love, Harry. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Only Stars Would Make it Better' is a great name for a Wolfstar fic and I'm obligated to write one now.


	17. Daydreaming Nightmares

Harry wakes up once again to the cold snow outside his window, only this time it's a lot warmer. It's warm because lying in his bed, askew and spread out like a starfish is Severus Snape. He's usually so cold but this morning he's warm and comfortable, if half-falling off the bed because of how much he moves around in his sleep. Honestly his dreams seem disturbed, they woke Harry up multiple times and he was close to waking Severus up too. A subtle shift in sunlight alerts Harry to the time and he stretches to wake himself up. 

"Hmm, good morning dear," Harry leans over Severus and gives him a kiss on the forehead. The student stirs with a groan, eyes opening slowly and tentatively. He stares at Harry for a second and closes them again with a small whine. 

"I'm tired, go away," picking up a pillow with one hand he uses all of his energy so smack Harry in the face with it. His hair fluffs against his head. Laughing Harry starts changing in the centre of the room without wearing his glasses. He always has trouble deciding what to wear. Brown slacks and a dark shirt... a robe? No, too formal. Although he does like dressing up. 

"Ha-Ha. No. You have classes today, get up," He throws Severus yesterday's clothes at him and waves his wand to start brewing coffee in the tiny kitchenette across his room. He leaves Severus in bed under the clothes, tugging on socks and pulling his jacket across his chest. Harry checks his watch, it's 0830 and he has things to prepare before the first class at 0900. Standing over the dead-to-the-world student he sighs with resignation. "Just... don't be late okay? There's coffee for you. I'm trusting you to get up on time," 

He leaves Severus alone in his bedroom and scales the corridors to the staffroom for his own coffee. Busting in like a hurricane he observes the dead hanging mood in the room. "Ah, good morning everyone!" he grins at the poor turnout of groggy teachers hugging mugs of coffee to their chests and blinking in their somnambulism. 

"Harry dear, I know you mean well but please refrain from screaming," Professor McGonnagal is one of the more awake ones at the head desk that stands before antique rose-glass windows. Even she can't stand his enthusiasm at this time of the morning. She's known Harry since he began his own education at Hogwarts and witnessed his evolution from a shy introvert who took himself far too seriously, to a somewhat ornery overly happy adult. It's like his circuits were flooded, the electrical charges interrupted and his AI reduced to a single 'Positivity' mode. It's actually quite disconcerting to be around him, like he's an illusion. 

"My apologies, I'm a morning person," Harry carries his coffee in a flask to his classroom, reviewing the practice exercises for the D.A.D.A exam he's going to hand out today. They're comprised of the most difficult questions from the last few years' papers. Harry is one of those teachers, the ones who force the hardest material upon the students during practice tests to prepare them for any challenges in the real one. 

Students enter and in the commotion Harry watches Severus slips in unnoticed by most. He sits at his desk ahead of The Marauders. The lesson begins - a practice exam so there's silence in the hall, the only sound the scratching of feather on parchment. Severus struggles on one of the final questions, a knowledge one that requires some explanation on an area of Dark Magic he doesn't know. 

A scrap of crumpled parchment bounces off his head and lands on the table, on his paper. Looking around he sees no eyes on him, nobody standing out from the sea of green and gold. He carefully unravels the paper. 

_Haha, I found your secret passage! Can't wait to catch you back there Snivellus. ___

__Severus crushes the parchment in his hand, gripping it in a shaky fist. It crinkles and drops to the floor. Now he has no way to get through the castle, how could they have found it?! He bets it was last night when he snuck from the Slytherin commonroom to Harry's quarters._ _

__Anger and resentment builds inside him, his own special place that was just his has been stripped away from him. That's it, The Marauders have gone too far to take something special from him. He barely glances at his question paper the rest of the class, just counting the seconds and getting more and more worked up until the bell toll marks his moment of revenge._ _

__He doesn't leave through his secret door like usual. He doesn't even answer when Lily calls to him and offers to walk him to potions. Instead he corners James behind the classroom door, backing him into the wall. "You bloody snake! Exactly what sick pleasure do you get from ruining my life!" it's an accusation not a question._ _

__"What? What are you talking about?" James scoffs indignantly, eyes shifting for an escape route. "I haven't done shit to you - why would I, you're dating my dad!"_ _

__Severus is too enraged to listen, throwing James on the ground by his robes. Whipping out his wand he points it right in James' face. The Gryffindor freezes, staring at Severus through it like the barrel of a gun. Panic - all he feels is panic. Squeezing his eyes shut he prepares for agony._ _

__"Severus?"_ _

__The angelic voice of Lily sounds through the crowd, like a miraculous mirage appearing before a dying man. James opens his eyes to see the flash of red hair along the crowd of black robes. The wand above him radiates streaming blue light from the tip in preparation to cast. Seizing the moment James rolls from under Severus and rushes up to Lily._ _

__"Fuck you!" Severus flicks his wand and points it at James, the light missing him as a target, instead slashing across his cheek._ _

__The silence in the corridor feels thicker and heavier than iron as blood dribbles from James' cheek. Scarlet clashes against his pale skin. His fingers feel like ice, tears brim in his eyes. Lily watches in shock and horror before snapping out of it, rifling through her bag to get him plasters. Other students crowd him, guiding him to the hospital wing._ _

__"What the Hell, Severus?!" Lily demands, crying. Severus sees the betrayal in her face, her eyes shine with disappointment. He knows because he feels it for himself. He's hurt her._ _

__The silence shatters, eyes shift onto Severus. He feels their gazes burning on them, hears the phantom whispers against the wind. A bulge in his throat and silent tears sting his eyes he rips away from the crowd, barging between students and rushing to the Slytherin commonroom. He doesn't know what to do. He just feels manic. His hands shake, sobs wrack through his body. Suddenly he's in his dorm, the trip upstairs lost in his memories._ _

__There's so much despair in his mind. Everything is clashing, he's trying to control his breathing - this is no time for an attack! - and all he can think to do is compulsively pack. He doesn't know where he's going if anywhere, but packing is helping a little. It channels the feelings and keeps his mind busy, second by second._ _

__There's a quiet knocking on his door. Harry? Lily? He just hopes it's not another Slytherin there to mock or congratulate him for attacking a Gryffindor. The last thing he wants is praise for such a horrific act. He doesn't answer, the knocking ceases. He didn't hear the footsteps approaching but he hears them fade away._ _

__*_ _

__"What the fuck is this?!" Harry storms into the hospital wing, striding past the bedframes to reach James' crowded by the Quidditch team, The Marauders and others from his D.A.D.A class. James sits up when he sees Harry, swinging his legs over the bed. He's more than ready to leave, Madame Pomphrey easily healing the cut and only having a few light bruises from being forced against the wall._ _

__"Dad, calm down," he stands up, eyes flitting between the other students. Harry understands instinctively and forces himself to calm down on the surface. He just watches his breathing, focusing on that to control himself. He remains visibly shaken with vitriol._ _

__"What happened?" he's voice is less angry now, more strained. A pained expression is stitched across his face at the faint mark left behind on James' cheek - that'll definitely scar. James scowls and turns to the quieter-than-usual Marauders.  
"Any of you want to explain?" he sneers ar this friends. _ _

__"We were making that potion see, last night in the corridors..." Sirius rubs the back of his neck, the tips of his ears red. He's looking everywhere but at Harry or James. "We heard Sn- Snape sneaking around and we followed him. Found out how he slips between classes, he uses secret corridors around the school!"_ _

__"Durin' the practice exam we might've sent him a note - just harmless fun y'know," Peter scoffs, more brazen than Sirius and staring Harry right in the eyes. If he were more perceptive he'd realise the apparently indifferent expression is layered with malice. "We just told him we knew where his passage was... that's it!"_ _

__"And?" Harry quirks an eyebrow, gesturing slightly manically at James' injuries. "I don't see how any of this connects! Just - James, you explain. I really don't care for this vague bullshit,"_ _

__There's a collective murmur among the students and James hesitates. The last thing he wants to do is get Severus in real trouble. He didn't want any part in this and as far as he's concerned his own friends are to blame. He knew nothing about this. But then he realises that would mean lying to Harry._ _

__"The letter had a threat in it too, they were just joking but it could've seemed real.. I guess. Severus thought I sent it, I didn't even know about it! He attacked me outside the classroom right after we left. He just pushed me and... this with his wand..." he gently caresses his tender cheek._ _

__Harry's eye twitches in an instant, intensive build up of fury. Images flood his mind of blood and danger and Severus, a sinister vision. Harry gets them during emotionally painful times. They're just traumatic visions, almost like daydreaming nightmares. The entire world seems to distort around him. "Are you okay?" he ask James quietly._ _

__"Yeah, go," James nods in affirmation and urges Harry to the door. Harry whips around and steals out the doorway to the chorus of confused murmurs._ _

__It takes a shorter time than normal to reach the Slytherin dorms. Harry was speed-walking, not even running and he wasn't paying attention to where he was going. Doesn't remember reciting the password to enter the Slytherin commonroom. Why would he even come here? He can only hope this is where Severus is. He just ends up at the doorway. He knocks Severus door, not expecting an answer. Clicking his tongue in irritation, he storms away from the door._ _


	18. All Grey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, some context.   
> I am going to be uploading chapters... extremely quickly. I've always been apt at churning out a Hell of a lot of content over a short period of time due to fast typing skills etc. This WILL NOT affect work quality and if it does, please tell me and I'll do whatever it takes to fix it.   
> This chapter is based off the J.K. Rowling quote "Snape is all grey. You can't make him a saint: he was vindictive and bullying. You can't make him a devil: he died to save the Wizarding world,"

Harry Potter is black and white. He has never been, could never be grey. Half of him is heads and half of him is tails, there isn't a way to bring those two sides together. He stares at himself in the mirror. Emerald eyes shine back in fear. It doesn't feel like a reflection, it feels like he's staring at the other side of the coin. Which side? Right now he's so confused he doesn't know which he's staring at and which one he is. His skin isn't his. His reflection warps before his eyes, a splotch on his unclean glasses. This situation is too grey for his comfort. 

On one hand, James is the leader of The Marauders and it's understandable Severus would presume James guilty. It as a threat and it was something that could affect the rest of his school life. Also, Severus has taken their shit for years - him snapping is totally expected at this point. But attacking people is wrong!... Maybe if James wasn't his son Harry would have an easier time with this. That's the problem really. He's possessive - always has been. If it were anyone else he wouldn't care but this is James. And Harry knows his son isn't actually a bad person. 

He finally realises what side he is right now. Practicing his glare in the mirror he steps out to the conference room where the Head of Slytherin House awaits. "I want to take control of this situation." Harry crosses his arms confidently. "I'd like to be the one to deal with the incident," 

"Are you sure you're the right person for that?" The Head asks sceptically. "Emotional involvement can influ-" 

"I'm fine. I can handle this," he assures. "I'm a professional under pressure," 

"Well, I guess I shouldn't except anything different," the Head chuckles. "You are the Boy-Who-Lived after all. You must be emotionally strong!" 

Harry winces, withdrawing into himself. "Uh-Huh..." spoken with gritted teeth. He storms from the room after that with vague permission to 'deal with' this one his own. It's more complicated than he expected, he knows he's in over his head. Not only is this emotionally delicate but politically delicate. He can't give Severus special treatment because they're dating or persecute Slytherin because a member of the house attacked his son... and the last thing he wants to do is assign anyone another detention. It's tiring. 

Being 'fair' isn't on the table, he decides quickly. Not with this.

 

* 

 

Severus mopes in his bed, staring up the ceiling. He has no motivation to do anything - he wouldn't be able to concentrate if he dd. Knots of worry wind and tighten around his insides. A sharp throbbing pin in his gut. He feels like a rope stretches at both ends, fraying and about to snap. All he can do is wait in this torturous chamber of a dorm until someone comes to deliver the bad news. Maybe he'll get expelled, oh Tobias would love that. He grins wryly. 

His thoughts are muddled, he hasn't even made his mind up on himself. The attack is a blur of shifting monochrome. A greyscale model appears before his eyes, only the blood has its colour intact. Are these his own thoughts or a loop of film replaying his mind, one from sometimes before the invention of colour TV? Footsteps outside his dorm make his grin drop. 

His door swings open and in walks Harry. He doesn't look all that intimidating right now, just tired and confused. That hurts Severus, it reminds him of Lily's horrified expression. She still hasn't spoken to him. He wonders if this one mistake has ruined every relationship he clings to. Tearing his best friend from him, his best friend of 5 years who looked so betrayed. Now his boyfriend, who's child he attacked in cold blood. Because that's what it was - malicious revenge and hate. There's nothing he can say to justify this but he's gonna try anyway. Harry doesn't need to say anything to him, he just starts babbling reasons. 

"I-I thought James sent me the letter... I just snapped, I wasn't thinking..." 

"I know you weren't," 

The voice is cold, the words hollow. Severus lifts his gaze to look at Harry and glimpse that disappointment once more, he deserves it.   
He doesn't get a chance to see Harry before his boyfriend crashes into him, yanking him into a tight, suffocating hug. "You little shit..." Harry sobs loudly, his entire body shakes. "Why did this happen?!This is so fucking stupid... it's all so fucked!" Severus doesn't know if he means the attack, their relationship, everything. Harry's hug tightens more, his nails tearing through Severus' robe and digging into his back. Little crescent marks dig into his flesh, they might be bleeding. 

"Ngh, Harry you're hurting me," he winces and pulls from the hug. Harry's grip softens, letting him go in slow motion. Harry sits back, staring at Severus for a moment. His calm expression is betrayed by thick tears flowing down his cheeks. 

After a long pause Severus asks the question at the forefront of his mind. "Are you going to leave me?" 

"Do you want me to leave you?" his voice is that icy calm again, each word dripping with calculated malice. Did he just switch personas then switch back? 

"No..." Severus' voice trembles. 

"Then of course I'm not going to leave you. I have myself to blame really... I never was one to get angry at my son. All I did was enable his behaviour and if you reached breaking point I can't blame you," he sates, staring out the murky windows into the distance as if some trick of the light caught his attention. He keeps staring at the murky, warped image of the clouds through the glass. A layer of fluffy snow is built up on the windowsill. "That being said, you were in the wrong. You had no idea who sent the note, you didn't give James a chance to defend myself and you used violence. What's more, according to Lily Evans you had the wand pointed right at his face before she turned up. What did you expect to happen?" 

"I don't-" 

"What did you want to happen?" 

"I wanted him to pay," 

"Too vague," Harry sighs. He stands up again, heading for the door. Severus is shocked that's all that's happened - what the Hell? What happens now? There's no context! Harry answers the unasked question. "I'm not upset with you in the slightest Severus. But I haven't forgiven you," 

Severus breaks down crying when he hears the door slam, he didn't think he had anymore tears to shed. 

 

*

 

Harry punches the wall once he's in the safety of the main hall. Knuckles crack into stone, veins burst, tendons rip. Thin trickles of blood runs across the deep olive skin of his hand. Thin blood embeds into the patterns of depth formed on his palm. Some runs down his fingers and drips onto the floor. "Shit," he hisses, hiding his hand in his shirt sleeve which the blood soaks through to his blazer. Screw this, he's on a Hogwarts teachers' salary and this is his only one. 

He's just annoyed. Severely annoyed at absolutely everything right now. He wants to scream, he represses one right on the edge of erupting. Stalking through the grounds he bangs on the door of the one person at this school he's always been able to talk to. 

The door opens into a dimly-lit hovel. A lumbering hulk of a dog waddles over to him, wetly sniffing his hand. "Is that thing still alive?" he growls, pushing past the dog and finding Hagrid in the back room, hunched over a steaming cauldron of garden herbs. 

"Oi! Jus' because you're in a bad mood you don't need to take it out on Fang!" Hagrid chides, wagging an accusatory metal poker at him.   
"You're right," Harry raises his hands in defence. "Sorry, Fang," he kneels and pets the dog who's overly happy to see him. Standing back up, he sees Hagrid's already started brewing tea. 

"I 'eard about what happened. Terrible business, that is. How're you handling it?" 

"Not great," Harry smiles awkwardly and reveals his injured hand. Hagrid wraps his large hands around it. They're rough and calloused but the action is surprisingly gentle. 

"Oh 'Arry, let me get you some bandages or summit'," the half-giant stands and begins rifling noisily through his stuff. 

"If it's no trouble, Hagrid!" Harry calls over him. He isn't even sure if Hagrid heard. 

Hagrid wraps his hand in bandages and they sit, sipping from the steaming mugs at the tiny wooden table against the wall of Hagrid's main room. Clutter presses Harry against the wall and he smiles, imagining Severus' reaction to this place. "I feel so terrible... I know I'm to blame... I love Severus but this was serious. I just don't know what to do!" 

"Ya never were one to be numb about things were you?" Hagrid laughs, a little sadly. "Nah, you let yer emotions out. That's the healthy way. You deal with things great, so you do," 

"I told Severus I haven't forgiven him after simultaneously hugging and cutting him... don't ask..." Harry groans, head falling on the table. His hair flops across it. Fang rests his head on Harry's knee and licks his hand. "I even told him I'm not upset - I am upset! More at myself than anyone," 

"Harry, you can't blame yerself! It ain't your fault!" Hagrid insists, eyes wide as if the very idea is ludicrous. But then Harry has always been infallible in his eyes. He doesn't feel like playing The Boy- Who-Lived right now, is pretty fucking sick of it actually! 

"How can you possibly know that?" he demands, putting his teacup down harder than he meant to. Some droplets jump out and onto his hand. 

"Because I know you, Harry. Not the Boy-Who-Lived, but you. Don't you remember, when I found you at the Dursleys all those years ago?"

"You gave Dudley a tail..." he starts to laugh uncontrollably. "That was the best birthday ever! Best cake, too!" 

"There ye go. I know I lot more than you uppity Wizards think I do. Yer a good person Harry. Ye'll figure it out," he promises. Harry trusts his voice, he's always trusted Hagrid. This is why he came here. He can't trust himself, so he relies on people like Hagrid and Dumbledore to tell him things about himself that should be so obvious. It's a crutch sometimes, but a helpful one. 

 

*

 

Everyone sit around the fire in the Gryffindor commonroom. Some lazily revise for their OWLS, chewed quills hanging from their teeth until a moment of inspiration strikes and they scribble a short answer down in their notebooks. The Marauders perfect their potion, ladling it carefully into 3 glasses. The neon green liquid bubbles and smokes - it doesn't have a smell. "You're sure about this?" Peter examines the gloopy substance from the side, holding it against the light. "It looks revolting!" 

"It is," James mumbles. "A'right, bottoms up then!"

Lupin is the first to swallow the potions and gags, coughing and spluttering. "Oh that's bitter," he coughs dryly, finding a goblet of water to soothe his burning throat. 

"Feel any different?" he asks, coming back. 

"For one, I'm not instinctively terrified of you or Sirius for the first time in a while," James grins, the rest of the group sharing it. The colours of the world dull to their regular hues. James can se more colours as can Sirius. 

"Holy crap, this pillow is mauve, I had no idea!" 

"Gold is brighter than I remember," James hums. He's always thought it to be a lot paler. 

"Will this work with our ADHD meds?" Peter asks. 

"Looks like you haven't lost your timidity," James rolls his eyes. "I'll just ask Sni-" 

He stops. He can't ask Severus anything for the time being. He can only ignore him awaiting whatever action will be taken by the staff and Harry. He really doesn't care what happened. It was terrifying, truly. But he's recovered quickly and is pretty happy with his scar. He used to draw his dad's scar on his forehead as a child and has ever since been fascinated by them. 

"I guess we could ask Severus, if we're sensitive about it," 

"Excuse me?" 

James turns to see Lily Potter, with whom he shares most classes, standing there anxiously gripping her book. Her knuckles are white and bright emerald eyes focus on a few spots on the floor. Immediately she's smitten, enthralled by the radiance of her hair. He forgot how red it is since becoming an Animagus. "Yeah?" he asks, trying to hide the jump in his voice and the skip in his heartbeat. 

"I-I'm sorry for what happened to you... I had no idea Severus was..." she sticks out her hand for him to shake. "I'm also sorry for always calling you a bloody ignorant tosser, or whatever. Please accept my apology," 

James chuckles as the familiar nickname. It doesn't fee like an insult, more like an endearing lovers' term. He locks eyes with Lily. "Uh, yeah. It's fine," 

"So what's our next big project James?" Sirius asks with a snicker, ruining their moment. 

"Hm, well now we know that secret passageways exist in the castle. Why don't we go exploring? We could find 'em all and go down in history for it!" 

"Sounds like a plan mate," agrees Remus. They stand up, apparently ready to leave this very minute on their adventure. They can start at Severus' entrance and work their way around the more obvious 'fake door' elements of the castle grounds. There's a few that come to mind right now - namely under the Whomping Willow. 

"Wanna come," James offers is hand to Lily, smiling down at the shy Muggle-born. 

His beauty is a spectacle to behold, wonderous and new and something she wants to explore just like their project. But she crashes down to Earth at the feel of parchment rubbing against her fingertips. "Sorry, I'm revising," 

"Oh - no problem," James shrugs. "Maybe next time then," 

Definitely maybe," she smiles and walks ahead, up to the girls' dorm to the tune of a chattering group of 2nd-years (Lily Evans just spoke to James Potter, the cutest boy in Gryffindor and the most talented seeker to ever live!) squealing and asking her questions. James stares after her with a smile he can't remove even if it hurts his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There won't be any James and Lily shipping but I thought this would be a good way to set up the kind of friendship they have and sum up their feelings for one another.   
> Hagrid is very underrated and deserves more so here is Hagrid.


	19. Forgiveness and Irrationality

James catches Severus leaving his potions classroom. His secret corridor no longer secret, Severus takes a painfully long time to pack up his things after the lesson ends so everyne else filters out before he does. It's a less effective method of avoiding people but he's been forced to resort to this. James waits outside for him, walking alongside him as they descend to the lower classrooms. "What do you want, Potter?" Severus sneers, speeding up. James' scar is evident as his bruises have faded to a yellowish-brown over the past few days. 

"Listen, I wanted to ask a question about the sensory potion I brewed - from that book. Will it affect my Muggle ADHD meds?" sincere concern is laced in his voice. Severus notices James moving more slowly than he remembers. Talking slower and quieter, arms dangling by his sides instead of fidgeting with his robe or tie. His eye movements are no longer rapid and flitting and they stare strsight ahead, unblinkingly. James is a stag, isn't he? Severus rememebers. The potions they took must be calming his alertness and alleviating his heightened hearing. He isn't as distracted from the conversation as he usually is. 

"They shouldn't, no," Severus frowns in thought. "But it's early to be sure. Have you experienced any ill-effects?" 

"No - the potion worked straight away and I've taken my meds already," 

"Just continue to monitor it then," Severus advises curtly. "If you'll excuse me," 

He steals down a darkened staircase to escape James - a small spiral one that leads only to the broomcupboard and a dead-end resting spot. One so insignificant it doesn't have to change places. Sitting in the catacomb below he wonders in shock how James can be so familiar with him, acting like nothing happened. Lily has been coldly ignoring him since the incident, going as far as to switch partners in Advanced Potions. 

Similarly, Harry has been nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster, still piecing each fragment together in his mind and trying to accept what happened. The nature of greyscale is without a fixed position but acceptance of somewhere in between. It's not that Harry isn't handling it well. Harry isn't handling it at all - for someone with such a malleable personality he has a rigidify fixed mindset. Wherever James got his nonchalance from, it wasn't from his father.  

Harry is waiting by the door to the Great Hall at dinner. All around him students crowd around the doorway, entering in droves. Many give him high-fives and praise his fame, he can tolerate it while distractedly searching for Severus. Height and jet black hair towering above the heads of the rest means Harry picks Severus out easily, gripping his hand and dragging him from the crowd. 

"Where are we going?" Severus asks and Harry releases him just a few feet from the door and lines of students. Some look over, staring curiously at Harry. 

"Do you want to have dinner with me instead?" he asks, voice a low murmur. 

There isn't a question, of course he does. Severus doesn't even have to answer, simply follows Harry upstairs to the well-lit but empty staffroom. There's a mix of older traditional elements of Hogwarts, like the major furniture and most functional objects of modern convenience, like the kettle and coffee machine - both of which are operated by magic even if there's a plug socket right there. There's a small stove wedged between cupboards against the wall, so small you can't see it from most angles. Harry ignites a fire in its hearth and transfigures a small selection of things they're serving in the Great Hall onto the kitchen counter. A wide variety - they're spoiled for choice but both go for options more suited to breakfast than dinner: pancakes and syrup. 

Severus sits on one of the low couches and Harry opposite. Looking at him is easier than it was before. He no longer carries Hellish judgement is vicious as before. he just drapes his arms over the back of the couch and looks around with mild interest. 

Harry's never really taken in this room before. He's used it, but there've always been other people to keep his attention. Now he observes the patterned wallpaper and Hogwarts emblems carved into the sides of the table legs in intricate detail. "Shall we light candles?" 

"What? Oh, okay," Severus agrees and rows of tiny candles on the windowsills ignite. The flames give a soft glow to the room that couldn't be achieved with overhead lights. They cast shadows over Harry's face that make him look like a romance novel protagonist. 

"Severus, I forgive you, Honestly, I forgave you before I even knew what happened. I can't bring myself to feel anything for you other than love," he slowly sips thick red wine from a goblet. "I needed you to understand the seriousness of what you did. Honestly, I blame only myself," 

"It wasn't your fault," Severus contradicts. 

"So people keep telling me," 

"It wasn't, it was mine!" Severus insists. Staring at Harry, this is the first time he's openly cried before the other unashamedly. "It's me who misunderstood. And me who fucked up. I just... am so hateful of everything. I want people to pay for hurting me. That isn't so bad right? I've always been pushed around. Something in me wanted to do the same to someone else," 

"You're vindictive - I understand that. You know something?" Harry smiles softly. "You're so much like me. More than I ever thought," 

He leans back on the couch, draping his arms over the back. It allows him to look at Severus from farther away, to read his overall picture. He looks perplexed for a second before laughing at the incredulity. "You're so much like me and I don't know if that's concerning or not," he shakes his head, still so shocked. 

"I hate my own fame. Why? Because I an revered as a saviour or omnipotent. I achieved the status of great wizard before I could speak. I was held on a pedestal as some amazing person, a celebrity. That's all anyone could see. All they wanted to see. So that's what I was forced to become," Harry pauses to look into Severus' eyes, the student who seems to be looking right through him. "Do you understand?" 

"Yes, but what's that got to do with me?" He's sceptical more than ever. Harry misinterprets social shit sometimes, that's one thing he's learned about his boyfriend. 

"You're the opposite. Everyone has a preconception about you and you prove them right. You want people to think you're a freak? Show them how warped your mind truly is by attacking someone with magic. Show them you're an other, ruthless. What you did proves the assholes right about you and that's never a good thing," 

"Why not?" Severus crosses his arms, sitting back. He's glaring now, doesn't like what Harry's implying. He isn't implying anything. It's just making him irate. Harry notices the faint dusting of blush that appears on Severus' pale skin when so irate. "I don't care what they think of me. 

"You don't want thin king thinking that because they're wrong," Harry raises his voice slightly. He's more than irate, he's angry. Determined. "You're an amazing person. I see that, Lily sees it - Hell I think James sees it! But the rest won't and it saddens me because... you're amazing and I'm frustrated more people don't see that," 

Severus feels his body shake out with his control. Tears spring in his eyes. He doesn't feel sad, he isn't emotional. Just calm, and it makes him cry and sob. He pounces over the table, hanging off Harry's chest by gripping his shirt tightly. Clenches fists drag Harry down, head buried in hid chest as he cries. "I'm sorry..." he breathes heavily between sobs. "I shouldn't... shouldn't have..." he gulps. 

"Hey," Harry smiles down at him, touched. He doesn't want to cry either, but he lets himself go. Pulling Severus onto his lap they curl up on the couch with Severus resting his head on Harry's shoulder. "You're okay... I forgive you. I love you Severus," 

He gently strokes Severus' head, down his hair. The hand is soothing, loving, gentle. He's being held so closely and so intimately, it's touching enough to keep him crying. Happy crying which he's never done before, its such a deep release. "I love you Harry," 

"Let's go to bed okay?" Harry offers, picking up their things. Severus, mentally exhausted, falls over across the couch and curls up. He's alseep in a second, dead to the world. Harry sighs, looking around the staff room for something like a blanket. Finding a cushion in the back cupboard and transfiguring a blanket, he drapes it over Severus. 

"Goodnight," he sits by Severus, leaning his head on the back of the couch and closing his eyes. The possibility of sleep is wishful whinking at it's best but he'll try. 

* 

James knocks on the Gryffindor girls' dorm. He's never been on this side of the commonroom before, there aren't any differences between the sides but it feels so surreal. One girl comes to the door and he asks for Lily. The unimpressed girl turns and calls for her. Lily appears at the doorway in a long  nightgown, blush underneath her freckles. Her eyes shift, she bounces on the balls of her feet. "Hi, uh, James," she can't stop staring at the low scar on his face. 

"Hi. Listen um, I was gonna visit my dad and do you wanna come?" 

"To uh - visit your dad?" she raises an eyebrow. 

"Severus will be there and I don't wanna third wheel him," James laughs. "It'll be awkward if you don't come," 

Lily's face drops into a mild sheer. James wonders why exactly, surprised. Does she still dislike him for being an ass? Admittedly he was, especially in their youth. But he wants to be her friend, he wants to be closer to her and Harry and Severus even. They could be allies if needed. 

"No," she growls, slamming the door over and huffing loudly. Stomping over to her bed, she lies down and stares at the ceiling. A begrudging glare seems forced on her face. 

Nymphadora, who's sleeping over in Gryffindor house with her friend as she often does, sits on the bed beside her. "You one of the 5 other girls who ain't got James Potter fever?" she chuckles deeply. "Yeah, the Marauders are bloody pricks, Remus is pretty though," 

"Ugh, no it's not that," Lily sighs, staring at the ceiling. At the thought of James her eyes soften. "Just stuff with Severus - Snape I mean - because we aren't friends anymore," 

"Really? Weren't you friends since you were kids?" 

"Yeah but he attacked James! Didn't you hear?" 

"Yeah, that was insane. And kinda funny," Nymphadora cracks a grin. Lily stares at her in shock, as if she's grown two heads. Looking around, a few others crack a smile, a small smile. Are they not destroyed by this as she is? No, because Severus was never their friend. 

Nobody cares about what he did. They don't approve of it, even the ones who hate The Marauders, their other victims of torment. But nobody cares. Nobody is betrayed, nobody fears Severus and sees him as anything other than their preconceptions. It's only because Lily knew a sweet, sensitive child all those years ago that Severus is now a stranger. 

"Are you okay?" Lily feels Nymphadora's hand gently rest on her shoulder. She smiles down at her. 

"Yeah, I'm just thinking," she admits, faking a yawn. "I'm going to sleep. Night everyone," 

She pulls the curtain across her own bed, curling up under the thin blanket. Her bed is beside the window, she stares out through he small gap in her curtain. It's so dark but a light pastel kind, maybe reflections from the hills. She has a lot to think about, especially about herself. 

* 

Harry hears the door handle click and immediately hisses the intruder to be quiet. James slowly, quietly opens the door to the staffroom, steps in and closes it, breathing a sigh of relief when Severus isn't jerked awake. The Slytherin is curled up in a ball under a blanket, head having found its way into Harry's lap. "Adorable," James whispers through a shit-eating grin, placing his thumbs and indexes together to form a loveheart. 

"Screw off," Harry whispers back, rolling his eyes. He flips James the bird in return for the gesture. James wheezes silent laughter and makes coffee for them both, sitting on the couch across from Harry. They can't really talk and enjoy one another's silent company, sipping from the steaming mugs. "How'd you get here?" Harry mumbles almost inaudibly. He can only be heard because the rest of the room is so silent. Surely someone would have seen or heard the lone student wandering the castle halls after dark around the staff area. 

James holds up a scrap of crinkled parchment from his pocket, flattening it across the table. In dark red ink a simple sketch of the castle is drawn out along with each secret passageway, so far 4 listed. So James has been sneaking around the castle and mapping each corridor discovered from Severus. 

Harry nods, impressed. His son is wonderfully creative and cunning, a reflection of his own days at Hogwarts. Only James is more innovative than he was and willing to mark his discoveries with honour. 

They sit until the sun rises the next morning, Severus waking up naturally as light streams through the windows. "Ugh - what time is it?" he wipes sleep from his eyes, groaning. His heavy head falls into his hands, curls of black hair hanging below and framing his vision of the carpet. Noticing a pair of training poking out from under the table, he sits up and glares. "What ate you doing here?" 

A similarly groggy James - groggy from pulling an all nighter - it hugging a mug for dear life. His hair sticks to the sides of his face and his glasses are smudged. "I just came to hang out," he yawns. "Not my fault you fell asleep fore I arrived," 

Harry stands up suddenly and claps, grabbing both their attentions. "It's... 6 am, fuck... it's too early for conflict - both of you stop acting like literal children. Get your things for classes, shower, whatever you need. Be in classes at nine no matter what," he warns both of them, collapsing back on the couch and struggling to stay awake, feeling real pain and struggle to keep his eyes open. They hurt, he's forcing his eyes open. 

James and Severus leave the staffroom, too afraid of getting caught to hang around. James walks on ahead, in the direction of the changing stairs to the Gryffindor commonroom. "Hey Potter!" Severus calls after him, waiting by the staffroom door. 

"What?" He turns around briefly. 

"I'm sorry I attacked you. Okay? Are we good?" 

"Better than we've ever been," James shrugs, walking off the rest of the way. Severus heads off in the direction of the Slytherin commonroom, thinking to himself how irrational it is. His teacher and his bully are accepting him reformed, His best friend isn't. He just wants to talk to Lily, to explain himself.  If he can just do that maybe the scattered remains of their relationship can be drawn back together. 


	20. The Betrayal of Friendship

Harry and Severus lie in bed on the bright Saturday morning in March. Flowers bloom on the vines of flora that grip around Harry's windowsill, small yellow ones with minds of their own that move and sway even in stagnant air. Spring is fast approaching and school grounds are finally free of snow, instead lush with light green grass and the excitable chatter of Easter plans. More students remain at school than go home at Easter, mostly for the Hogwarts festivities including the feast on Easter Sunday. However, Harry observes his boyfriend is numb to the joys of holiday time. 

Harry looks up at Severus from his position on the pillow. The student stares blankly at the ceiling, distracted enough not to notice Harry creeping up and poking his neck. 

Severus jumps as the poke tickles him, sending flares like a static shock up to his brain. Seizing, he looks at Harry with exaggerated hurt at such an intense betrayal. "Whyyyy, dear?" he rubs the spot to rid himself of the ghost tickles. 

"To prove a point," Harry sits up and crosses his legs, looking down at his boyfriend. "You're preoccupied. What's on your mind?" he frowns and pokes Severus again, though he's expecting it this time and tenses. 

"It's Lily," he admits, looking away in shame. "She hasn't even spoken to me since the attack... she just ignores me, she's changed potions partners. I feel like a horrible person for hurting her so much. I'm terrified I've lost my best friend," 

"Friendships... they die," Harry sighs softly. "And she's probably been very busy with her preaparations for the OWLS. She's in Advanced classes too, you know," 

"Yes, the same ones as me for the most part," Severus sits up too. He swings his legs off the bed and stands up, dressed only in small light blue boxer briefs and one of Harry's Quidditch shirts. He wanders around, stepping between piles of Harry's clothes and books to find his robes. How did they get so scattered?! He's often neater than this. "It isn't because of the OWLS - the OWLS can stuff it for all I care. She and I have been friends for years," he starts tearing up, hiding it under his matted bedhead. Roughly pulling on yesterday's robes and smoothing down his slightly greasy hair in the bedroom mirror, he decides he's at least presentable. 

"If she throws away a friendship so easily, maybe she doesn't deserve to be your friend," Harry smiles warmly, standing up and taking Severus' hand in his own. Turning it over with gently touches, he can't help imagine a deep black snake tattoo slithering over the skin. Pale as moonlight, it'd look like a beacon of death and darkness in the sky. "And from what I've seen, she isn't the type to do that. Your solidified friendship wouldn't let her - there must be a deeper reason she's ignoring you," 

"Fat lotta good it does to know that if she won't even talk to me," Severus shrugs, ripping his hand away from Harry's rougher than necessary. 

Harry wanders the halls talking to students most of the day. He tutors some of the most studious pupils on their struggles, even the 1st years who don't have an exam this year. Who have nothing to study and spend the time doing homework and loudly complaining about the inclemency of the English spring weather. "Morning professor!" calls over a young Hufflepuff he doesn't even teach. A unique child in his altruism who wants to be a Muggle journalist rather than a Great Wizard. Something Harry can admire and relate to. Why live under that mountainous pressure when you can live in peace? That child can use his talents in magic for good in the Muggle world. 

The segregation between the Muggle World and Wizarding World has always been problematic for Harry. While he understands secrecy is necessary, why can't their powers be used discreetly to improve the lives and environment of the Muggles? Architectural masterpieces, the miracle reversal of natural disaster, fields of food growing despite rough harvests in LEDCs. He despises the Wizarding World for keeping these for themselves, the selfishness that must involve. Although he understands why people wouldn't agree with him about this. Many purebloods are sheltered from the struggles of Muggle life. But growing up in their world, Harry can empathise with the disdain Muggles must feel with how difficult their lives are.

He guesses Severus has these feelings too, with his family living in the pits of Muggle poverty and half-immersed in the Wizarding World. His mother a witch, giving him the taste of he easier life without integrating them into it. Just to torment him? No wonder his young lover is bitter towards those in favourable positions. Though Harry would never call being 'spoiled' a bad thing either. 

Lily is sitting on the edge of a short wall in the ground, one secluded by wide, dark trees. The ground below has been eroded by swinging feet and spells practice, bald patches where grass refuses to grow anymore. This area is so depressing, Harry thinks. She hears him approach and looks back, suspicion fading when she sees her DADA teacher. "Good afternoon, Professor," a book rests on her lap, the end of a pen dangling from her mouth as she chews the end nervously, working on a question. 

Harry sits by her, trying to look relaxed. It isn't working, he sits back awkwardly. "Hi, Miss Evans. How are your studies going?" 

"Well, Professor," she smiles politely. "I'm sure I'll be ready by the time exams come! Thank you," 

"Good to hear. On that subject, I wanted to ask you about Severus," 

Lily's smile falls immediately. Her eyes lose their sparkle, it shocks Harry slightly, he's never seen such a drastic change in emotion. "I was worried you'd ask about that. Not to be rude Professor, but did he send you to talk to me?" 

"No, and that's the truth," Harry chuckles wryly. "This is just my own curiosity. Severus is a private person, he won't tell me much - but I can see this is affecting him,"

"Good - he should be affected by it," she quips, a little harsher than intended. She forgets she's talking to her professor and Severus' boyfriend, just rants to herself. It makes Harry smile, he likes seeing the raw elements of people even if he doesn't like them - much more efficient than using soft language and euphemisms to save face. "James is acting like it didn't happen, Severus too - you are as well, Professor! With all due respect, something so serious should have some effect on people! But I'm the only one who even cares... what Severus did makes him a new person in my eyes," 

Harry can't help laugh at that. Teenagers are so fascinating. Things that are important to him, they don't even care about. Yet they get so worked up over something that feels so insignificant in the big picture. Or maybe that's just Lily, since such a mentality is reminiscent of Muggles. "He hasn't changed, Miss Evans. He's still the same person, you just know a little more about him. You know how he reacts in such a situation which you didn't know before. It's a side of him you hadn't seen, but one that's always been there. Because it's a part of him,"  
"So nothing's changed?!" she scoffs, kicking up some bald dirt underfoot. No, that's not right. Something has changed, her own feelings towards Severus. What she thought of him has changed, what kind of person she thought she was friends with. "But its what I know about him... it makes him dangerous," 

"If that's what you think has changed there isn't much I can do to change your mind," Harry admits in defeat. "I'm not going to make you be friends with him again. I couldn't even if I wanted to - I'm not such an entitled ass. But that you'd give up such a precious friendship over something everyone else has forgotten, it's disappointing. I think you're ruining something good for yourself. That's all," Harry stands up and walks away, hiding a smile and small celebration until he's safely tucked behind the trees. 

 

*

 

"Why are you so pleased with yourself?" Severus looks up from his copy of the Daily Prophet. The stories are stale but he does like the alchemy pages which report on the current updates in the academic Wizarding community. A new textbook for higher education and apprenticeships in potions, written by the current grand potions master has been released. Maybe he can convince Slughorn to acquire a copy. 

Harry has been humming and trying to stop smiling since he retuned to his quarters, with no success. He's just so pleased and energetic as if anticipating some grand triumph. Severus felt that way on his 11th birthday awaiting his Hogwarts letter. Everyone hyped him up for it and on the day nobody could defend against the whirlwind of excitement. Something big must be happening for Harry to be so elated. Then again, it is Harry, so... 

"Oh no reason," Harry stares out the window for a second, wearing a cryptic smile. "Such a nice day today," 

Severus rolls his eyes but before he can get re-absorbed in the article, a timid knock on the door catches his attention. Harry sits at his desk and whistles, pretending not to notice, Annoyed, Severus scoffs. "One of these days I won't be here and you'll have to actually leave that damn chair of yours," 

He opens the door and the sight of red hair yanks on her nerves, stretching them tight. Lily stands with her eyes downcast, shoulders hunched and hands tensely by her sides. "L-Lily..." Severus gulps, looking away immediately. He can't stand to look at her, someone with such a unique appearance can only remind him of what he's lost. "Why are you here?" 

Lily jumps into a tight hug, pulling Severus close and squeezing him against her. She'll never let her best friend go again as long as she lives, losing him once was too many times for this lifetime. "I'm sorry, Sev," she pulls away, looking him straight in the eyes this time. Her gaze is so intense it commands him not to look away, a magical force capturing his gaze. "Please forgive me. An can e be friends again," 

"Of course!" Severus hugs her again, a short and meaningful one. "I'm sorry too, I should never have disappointing you," 

"Can we go back to the dorm? We really need to talk," 

Severus looks at her with uncertainty. "The Gryffindor dorms, or...?" he doesn't feel comfortable in the Gryffindor dorms but as most students have no itinerary in a Saturday, most Slytherins will be in the commonroom and Lily doesn't feel comfortable around them either. She takes his hand, leading him from the teacher's quarters with a reassuring smile. 

"It'll be alright. Anyone says anything to you, they'll have me to deal with," 

"My valiant protector," Severus rolls his eyes and follows her anyway. 

He's surprised at the number of Gryffindor students who either ignore his presence entirely, or give he and Lily a small smile before returning to their textbooks or animated conversations. The ambience is warm and inviting, nothing like the Slytherin commonroom. That said - there's a certain missing element he notices. That of pride. The Gryffindors are meant to be brave and courageous which is reflected in their colour scheme if nothing else. But pride is lost on this room and the people within it. They treat it like a living room in a house, not with the respect of a centuries-old castle.

Reaching Lily's dorm, they're swarmed by her eager dormmates. In Slytherin, each person has their own separate cubicle. They barely know one anther exists let alone speak. Here everything is open plan and shared except the beds which have curtains at least. "Hi, Tonks at your service," one with dyed purple hair gives him a tight salute. She's a Hufflepuff, must be sleeping over or something. "Welcome to Gryffindor,"

"Hi. I'm S-Severus," 

"Yeah, we know! You are kind of infamous around the school now" another tells him. "Oh - do you two want some privacy?" 

"Please, if you could?" Lily gives them an apologetic smile. 

"Fine," the Hufflepuff sighs. The 3 girls gather their things to study downstairs. "But when I get back I wanna braid your hair," 

"Not happening," Severus covers his head with his hands. 

"I think it'd look cute," Lily chuckles, humouring them until the door is closed and they can finally be alone. It's less awkward than Severus thought it'd be, feeling a weight lifting off his chest. He can talk to Lily freely, she really is his friend once again. 

"What d'you really think? Me with a braid?" he flips his hair dramatically. 

"Oh absolutely not," Lily draws her knees up on the bed, Severus sitting beside her. 

They talk for hours, forgetting the outside world. They reminisce about the past, catch up on everything between him and Harry since then. He learns the Gryffindor gossip - particularly intrigued by The Marauders'' current conquest to map out the castle. They end up lying side-by-side on her bed, curtains drawn and the only light that of their wands like a torch bouncing off the bedcurtains, lighting it up like outdoors under a full moon. 

"Holy Hell, what time is it?" Severus asks, noticing the rest of the dorm in darkness. A hissed _'Ssshhh' _comes from some other bed.__

____

"Time to crash," Lily decides, closing the book she was reading and stuffing it under her pillow. "Top-And-Tail?" Severus offers. 

____

"We're not 12, Sev. Just sleep," she gets under the covers, lying on her front with one leg stretched and one leg bent, a classic position. Her wand light fades on command. Severus stares at the ceiling for a little longer, his mind honestly blank. Until he turns on his side and closes his eyes. He falls asleep easier than he has in a while.

____


	21. Open Rooftop

The day of the Easter Feast arrives quicker than everyone expected. Lily and Harry conspire to rope Severus into assisting with decorations and somehow, it's successful. He folds up colourful paper the colour of Easter pastels - pink, light blue and yellow - and uses his want to hang them arond thr tall rafters of the Gret Hall. The walls have a slight golden tinge to them, he always sees that no matter what. He used to think it was the glow of torchlight, but there aren't any torches on in the middel of the day and it still has that grandeur feel to it. Even after all his years of being here, it's magnificent. 

Contrary to popular assumptions, Severus loves the Easter Feast. He sits in the Great Hall not separated into Houses but with Lily and her friends, and they open the rooftop to the stars. Not just a projection spell. They actually remove the rooftop with magic and allow the night to flood in. It's so beautiful out here in the countryside - the stars so vivid. 

"Hey Sev," 

"What?" he turns to Lily, who blows a paper kazoo. She laughs and he rolls his eyes. What a stupid tradition. Although he does like bangers - the ones you pull that bang when opened. The magical ones sold at the joke shop bang and burst out real fireworks that fizz and sparkle but don't blow up or burn. 

"Very funny," he hangs the final decorations around the rim of the windowsills. How this hall manages to still look dignified covered in pink paper bunting is a mystery. "Where's Harry?" 

"I think Profess - I mean Harry, is preparing the grounds with Hagrid for the First Year Easdter hunt," 

"They're doing that this year?" he scowls. "We never did that..." 

"Oh don't tell me you resent them for it," she laughs. "You have enough to be bitter about without adding that in - and I think everyone can join in!" 

He talks to Harry about it during lunch. 

"The Easter Egg hunt?" Harry laughs. "Aren't you a little old to be this excited by chocolate? I stopped doing those with James when he was 8," 

"It's not about the winning - I've never done one before and they look fun, so I'd like to see what I've been missing out on," Severus explains. "And I thought it might be too childish. So how about ily and I versus you? If we win, we get a tutoring in the library no strings attached. If you win..." 

"You need to help me set up lesion for the rest of the year?" Harry suggest. "Okay, deal," 

"Great," Severus agrees. Maybe he should feel bad, considering he just roped Lily into a contract she wouldn't have agreed to if she knew. However, he feels justified knowing they likely will win and she'll be overjoyed to have a tutoring session with Professor Potter. 

The Easter egg hunt begins on the open Hogwarts grounds and thankfully they aren't the only senior students (or the only teacher, in Harry's case) taking part. As they begin, Severus and Lily break off from the main yard and run through the arches, hiding behind each stone pillar until they're out of sight of the main area. 

They have a very specific strategy. Everyone will snatch up the easy eggs before branching off to more secluded areas. That means these secluded areas are ripe with pickings of untouched Easter treasure! Their first stop in the vegetable gardens where eggs can be found between pumpkins taller than themselves. They feel like children again! Meeting under the blossom tree and staring up at the sky, exchanging pretty flowers as gifts of innocent friendship. 

"So," Lily props herself yup on her elbow, staring down at Severus. "Was it what you hoped?" 

"I don't think I had any expectations to be honest but if I did," he breaks into s grin. "This hunt has exceeded them. It's super fun and now I have enough free chocolate to last me through the exams!" 

"Well you will - if we win," Lily stands and extends a hand to help Severus up, another reminder of their childhood during which tyey'd hold hands. Lily's paretns, who doted over her Witch 

After clearing that area of eggs, Severus and Lily move on to the forest edge and then to the eggs lining the castle walls. They aren't sure what the average number of collected eggs are, but they've filled both their baskets and are already using their pockets for their overcrowded collection. 

Meanwhile, Harry has his own sneakily planned strategy. Thanks to his ingenious son, he has the entirety of the castle mapped out before his eyes on the parchment map he clings to. He sticks to collected inside the castle, cutting his time in half by using the secret passages and staircases hidden around. And it works, he collects most eggs inside the castle before hearing the bell toll to signify the end. The bell is set on a magical timer, to go off when every single egg has been hunted down. Similar to Quidditch - the game doesn't end until the snitch is caught. 

Gathering back in the Great Hall, the results are tallied and the winner is declared to be Severus and Lily - of course - with Harry the runner up. There's quite an extreme difference in the spread of results and everyone is shocked at the 78 total eggs( and Harry having 56) that Severus and Lily claimed. "At least it's an odd number," Severus thinks. "We can split them evenly between us," 

"Can't wait for the tutoring lesson, Professor," Lily teases Harry, who just groans. He really did want that free labour for classroom setup, it's the most tedious part of his job. He goes over to the presiding referee, Professor McGonnagal and hands her his basket. With a smile, he chuckles brightly. "Just hand these out to the rest of the kids, it isn't fair a professor came runner up and gets to keep most of them," 

"How altruistic," Severus comments dryly when he returns. Harry gives him a knowing smirk, basking in the gratitude of the other students. It's now Severus realises this isn't his boyfriend being altruistic, but entirely self serving. How exactly will this benefit him? That remains unclear, but it'll prove at least to make him the most popular professor among younger students. Then more people will elect to take his classes... Severus begins to see how this is in Harry's self interest. Though sometimes he wishes Harry would just own his assholery. 

 

*

 

The students and teachers integrate for the Easter Feast, after the important speech delivered by Dumbledore during which everyone listens in awe to his review of the year so far. Its impressive how well he can command a room, the allure of his presence enough to reduce 1,000 people to deathly silence. The speech ends with a congratulations and good luck for the exams. The fun begins. As everyone can integrate during the Easter Feast, Severus sits by Harry, ignoring the glares from the Slytherins and jealous whispers of Gryffindors. The Hufflepuffs just smile and fawn over how 'adorable' they are, and the Ravenclaws try to be ultra-supportive. Maybe exceedingly so. 

Severus leans on Harry's shoulder, too distracted by the sky overhead to eat. He's positive he sees a shooting star, such a subtle beam of light stretch across the black expanse. Although with the many shining orbs of sparkling white he has a hard time telling. It's mesmerising to view in such clear, crisp detail. No striking feature of the sky is dulled by the light pollution of the city. 

Harry tightens the hug a little, drawing him in closer. "You're so pretty when you're captivated," 

"Then I must be pretty each time I look at you," Severus out-does him on his attempt to be romantic. 

"Exactly what about me captivates you so?" Harry asks. Honestly he doesn't know why either. He thinks he looks pretty normal, even if a little quirky. He's not mysterious or imperial, or dignified. Nothing about him stands out from the crowd. A short-ish, average body and boring black hair. Severus is far more fascinating in both appearance and personality. 

"Isn't that obvious?" Severus teases, closing the gap and getting only inches away from his face. He kisses Harry softly, slowly before breaking apart and staring matching his gaze. "Your eyes, like emerald gems. They are what captivate me, they match your personality so beautifully well, everything about you in perfect harmony like the pattern of guiding stars. In short, you are perfect and perfection... is fascinating," 

Harry is floored by his answer, speechless and shuddering under his touch. It was so poetic, Severus has stolen his rationality. He's never felt so vulnerable, not knowing if this mental dance is teasing or genuine. He can usually read people so well. Why is Severus such an enigma? He's afraid if this but equally curious, and that wins over him. "You really are a romantic," he kisses Severus this time, less soft and romantic and more a short burst of excitement. He touches his lips, they feel tingly.

"Now please dear, I'd like you to be more engaged in this feast - and actually eat, not just stargaze," 

"But stargazing is my lifeblood," 

"And you need nutrition to pump that through you. Eat," Harry picks a forkful from Severus' plate and holds it in front of him. 

"Are we really doing this cheesy shit?" Severus expected more subtlety from his boyfriend than this, but nonetheless eats some real food for once. Harry stares around for eyes on them and pours a small trickle of red wine from his own goblet to Severus' empty one. The bronze cups conceal the liquid inside well. Severus stares down at the blood colour and back up at Harry questioningly. "Seriously?" he whispers in in awe. 

Harry shrugs, refusing to meet his eyes and sipping, entirely nonchalantly on his own drink. His cheeks are slightly rosy, maybe he's tipsy already. Severus hides his grin and drains his glass in a single gulp, earning an impressed laugh from Harry. "How does it feel?" 

"It doesn't really feel like anything?" Severus shrugs. "My chest is kind of warm now, my head too..." 

"Yeah, it's not enough to make you actually feel anything, but is it good? The taste I mean?" 

"Yeah! I guess," Severus purses his lips. "Not my first choice though," 

Again, discreetly, Harry passes his wand over Severus' cup. He watches the empty cup fill with a bubbling liquid, sweet smelling. "It's Irish cream,|" Harry explains. "Like a chocolate milkshake that gets you drunk," 

"Well that sounds better," Severus agrees. He drinks this, just in small sips as the taste is overwhelming. The sweet burning is a strange mixture on his tongue, like an icy hot contrast. Ice burning through his skin. The drink itself is cold, the contents are warm when drank. It makes no sense! But he doesn't object to the taste. 

James appears in between them, leaning on the table with his elbows. He turns to Harry, a ruthless objective in his eyes. "Hey dad, I saw that," he smirks, swirling his own cup between them in the air. How did Harry neglect to check if his own son was watching? 

"Fine," Harry sighs, charming some new drink into James' glass, a different one than Severus to suit his tastes more. This drink is electric-blue and fizzing. The alcohol small is stronger too. "Don't tell anyone - and I mean anyone," 

"Thanks dad," James laughs and runs back of his own table. Severus stares after him, turning to Harry with a face of innocent confusion. His eyes usually sharp with scrutiny, they're glassed over with unquestioning acceptance. By Merlin, is he already drunk?! 

"He looks like you..." Severus hums. "Does he have glasses because of you? Like, genetics? Or does he just have glasses randomly...?" 

"Okay - wow. We need to get you out of here," Harry puts his arm around Severus' waist and hauls him up, he stumbles slightly into the table. They get stares, questioning ones and - Harry feels - ones that judge both of their states. He himself isn't entirely sober of course, and that's evident to eve the first years watching. "Ehehe, he's not feeling well," he announces to the table. 

"Do you need help taking him to the medical wing?" asks that effervescent student Harry forgets the name of. Colin, or something? 

"No, he just did a lot of walking during the Easter egg hunt, and needs to rest" Harry laughs it off, dragging him to the door as quickly as he can. _What a weak excuse, you idiot,_ Harry berates himself. Severus would be proud. 

"The stars are so pretty tonight..." Severus mumbles, craning his head back to catch a final glimpse of the open rooftop before the doors to the Great Hall slam closed behind him. 

Back in Harry's quarters the professor clicks on his kettle the Muggle way, preparing two mugs of coffee. He needs to take care of Severus and to do that he needs to be sober. And of course he must sober Severus up too. While he does that, Severus wanders towards the window and opens it out into the open night ar. It's windy, blowing his hair back. Leaning on the windowsill, he takes the opportunity to look at the sky once again. Harry decides a telescope would be a good investment for his next birthday. 

"Sev? Coffee," Harry calls for him. He's ignored. 

Severus leans out the window, feeling the wind on his skin. It's nice, it's cool and refreshing. He leans with his elbows on the windowsill, craning out, just to reach out as far into the sky as he can. He regrets not paying more attention in flying lessons, on the genuine verge of crying over that small detail. 

His foot slips on the stone floor, feeling his torso fall forward and his legs lift. The picture before his vision changes from the sky to the f=roof, falling forward. Until he's dragged back by his shirt, pulled back inside the room. Harry grips the back of his shirt, pulling him back inside and throwing him onto the bed. He bounces a little and sits up, watching Harry. Slamming the windows shut and locking the latch, as far as to put a spell on it, the teacher turns back to Severus. Even drunk, Severus can tell he's pissed off. 

"That's it. Go to sleep, you're drunk," he tells him, keeping the other coffee from himself. Severus fumbles with his top button. "No, don't get undressed! Just sleep," 

"Okay," Severus nods, his head loose and flopping. He releases the pressure on his hands and fall back into the sheets. The thrill makes him laugh. As time tick by, he huffs in irritation. "I can't sleep staring at something as boring as the ceiling,!" 

Something Harry knows how to fix. He charms his own ceiling much like the Great Hall tp project the night's sky across it. He turns off the lights, illuminating the room like a planetarium. Light from the projected stars dances across Severus' face, emphasising his paleness. 

* 

The world is a mess of black and grey hues. Nothing is distinct, everything is... grey and dreary. Is this life now? Severus sobs to himself, balling up in the covers. His legs shake with the pounding in his head. The laughter from across the room isn't helping. 

"How are you feeling?" 

He angrily throws the covers off himself. "I want to die," 

"Yep, that's called a hangover," 

"It sucks," 

"Yeah," Harry walks over and slides in bed beside Severus, who is particularly adorable when hungover. He places a tray down and carefully hands the student a  mug of coffee. On the tray also are some almonds in a bowl. "Drink coffee and eat these, they'll help you recover," 

Severus picks one almond up, examines it and gnaws on the edge. "These are awful," he drops it back in the bowl. 

"They aren't meant to taste good - just eat them. They help," 

Severus groans, crossing his arms over his face to shield himself from the burning rays of the morning sun assaulting his corneas. "I really don't feel good... maybe I need to take Monday off," 

"Haha - not happening," Harry shakes his head. "It's a hangover, you're fine to go to school. It'll pass. You can't trick me like that," 

"But I'm suffering!" Severus whines. "I'm never getting drunk again," 

"I understand that, but... can I ask..." Harry sighs, unsure how to approach this. "You're always anxious, you overthink too much. Last night the most complex thought you were capable of was that the stars were pretty. Wasn't that a kind of relief?" 

"Honestly, I don't know," Severus admits. "Maybe I could answer better if I remembered any of it," 

"Yeah, that I understand," Harry grins. "You're still going to school on Monday and I'll be checking with all your teachers," 

"That's very mean of you, but whatever," at least he still has the energy to annoy Harry. "It was worth a shot," 


	22. The Effects of Wolfsbane

James holds the torch high above his head, lighting the path ahead for him and The Marauders. "I don't like this, not at all," Remus admits, staring at the black walls that crumble to the touch. Something can be heard dripping somewhere, too loud and aggressive to be mere echo. This must be one of the oldest parts of the castle, deep underground where the light from above doesn't reach. Lost and forgotten to the world. "Are you sure this tunnel is safe?" 

"How sure is sure?" James gulps, unable to reassure his friend. This was meant to be a quick, easy adventure. Get to the vault where exam papers are kept, peek at a few questions, maybe take some back if they won't be missed to memorise and practice. Then get out. Instead it's turning into a frightening voyage through haunted catacombs. They wouldn't be surprised if a poltergeist lives here but it's a chance they must take. The opportunity to cheat on their OWLS is too tempting to pass up over superstitious fear. "At least they don't guard the papers anymore," 

James laughs, trying to lift everyone's spirits. That is something to be relieved over. He recalls the tales his father used to tell him of Fluffy the menacing 3-headed dog the castle used to keep guarding its valuables. More ferocious than Cerberus. He never did find out if those stories were real or legend. 

The Marauders arrive at the mouth of the passageway, turning the corner that ends the darkness. The passage is hidden behind a faux oil painting hung on the wall, taller than a doorway. Shadows pass beyond the paint but they don't think anything of it - the light is clearly from a window to the outdoors. If their map and Severus' routes were correct, this should open onto the vault. James swings open the picture frame to reveal Dumbledore standing there, draped in his day robes. They all freeze and exchange knowing glances. There's no uncertainty as to what's happening here - everybody knows. 

James is convinced that the headmaster wears those glasses and that beard so his face remains unreadable - the man's emotions are a mystery and that makes him seem omniscient. As if he knows everything about you but he himself is a dignified enigma. 

"Going somewhere, were you?" his eyes twinkle and he smile subtly. 

James senses the fear of his friends. Sirius isn't even breathing, he's standing at the back hoping he blends into the darkness. Peter looks like he's wet himself. Remus is a little less embarrassing, wearing only a slightly worried frown and hunching his shoulders in hidden shame. With a deep breath and a courageous façade James steps forward as representative martyr. "Yes, Professor Dumbledore. To the vault," 

A collective terrified inhale can be felt against his back. The Marauders simultaneously impressed by him and wondering if he's insane. 

Dumbledore nods, as if it confirms his thoughts.

"Mr Potter, please walk with me. The rest of you return to your dorms... please," he asks respectfully. His ghostly form hovers away from the door. James nods in support and urges them to obey - not that any of them would defy the headmaster. James follows Dumbledore on a slow, long walk through the castle. They climb floor after floor, the staircases never ending. This isn't an area he remembers, one he didn't even know exists. 

Dumbledore stops walking suddenly, a little ahead of James. The student takes respite and leans against the wall. He waits for something, whatever he's been brought here for. "Do you know why I stopped you tonight?"

James whistles, listing off all his transgressions in his head. Using unofficial passages and the most basic Hogwarts rule of being outside the commonroom after hours. But he knows to only mention the main one otherwise a very long and convoluted lecture on each one will follow. "Trying to cheat on the OWLS," 

"Indeed. Why do you think you need to cheat?" 

James shrugs, even though Dumbledore can't see him. He knows, anyway. Somehow. "I don't think I need to cheat. I'll do fine without it. Was an opportunity is all,"   
"You just wanted to make mischief," Dumbledore interprets. 

"Well yeah, basically," 

The headmaster nods in understanding. "And what do you think will happen as a result of this?" 

"It'll go in my report..." James resigns himself with a sigh. "And I'll get discliplined again, and detention again or worse..." his mind immediately jumps ahead to 'worse'. He could be stripped of his Quidditch title, losing points for Gryffindor, being unable to take his OWLS - his future ruined! How could he be so reckless?! This happens too often for his liking. He loses himself in his role as leader of The Marauders and forgets the consequences of his role in real life. Like a power hungry general over trigger happy troops. 

"No. Not this time. Purely on the basis that unlike previous years, you have never acted on malicious intentions. Foolish as your actions may have been," Dumbledore explains. James isn't relieved, this doesn't feel resolved. The tension hasn't been released - he's in full Animagus mode. "I observe every one of my students as they grow in their magical abilities. However, also in their emotional development. You've made tremendous strides this year James Potter," 

"Thank you?" James gulps quietly, feeling obliged to just say something. 

"I'm incredibly impressed by how much you have matured. As such, I won't take any formal action against you for this. Gryffindor will not lose House Points, you will not be disciplined. You may take your OWLS unaffected by your actions tonight," 

"Are you telling me this night never happened?" 

"Oh it certainly happened. But we can't remember everything that happens to us, can we?" there's a hint of mischief in there, James is sure of it. 

"Can I ask a question, Professor?" 

"Always," 

"You know, don't you? About my dad's personality disorder, the potion we made, the potions theft. Everything," James knows the answer already. Maybe Dumbledore is indeed omniscient. "You know and you never stopped any of it, even though you could've," 

Dumbledore can't stop a small chuckle escaping his lips. James is so much like Harry in every way. So much like Hermione as well, his mother's stubborn resolve and sharp deduction skills. An unrelenting drive for achievement whatever that achievement is. "I did know - yet intervening would be an imposition on my part. I am an observer, I intervene only in favour of something, not against. For example, I could never have stopped you stealing the potions. Only helped you,"

"That makes sense, but why did you choose that for yourself?" it must be such a restrictive way to live, James thinks. And can't understand why anyone would make that choice.   
"Experience with chaotic people, in a nutshell," his beard and glasses cannot hide a spark of nostalgic angst in his expression. "That experience taught me the right approach to it. In your specific case, everything you did was to achieve a good result. You stole the potions to help your friends and yourself. So I supported those decisions," as he keeps thinking, so much like Harry. Dumbledore himself wouldn't say his moral compass is a teleological one. But Harry? More likely than not. Everyone is a means to an end, there is no Formula for Humanity Employed against that. James is headed for that path too. 

"One more question, Professor?" 

"One more if you must," 

"Isn't coming here you intervening to stop something?" 

Dumbledore shakes his head. "Please return to your dormitory, James," 

James dissociates in thought for a second. He ponders what Dumbledore told him, picking it apart. It still confuses him and he theorises over his reasoning for intervening tonight. Is this going too far? Stealing is okay but not cheating? That doesn't sound like Dumbledore - he isn't the type to enforce hypocrisy. One possible answer is that, unlike e rest, James didn't have some grand positive motivation for his cheating, and is just cheating. He could understand that. 

Dumbledore is still a mystery but James finally has a sense of the man. Such a curious personality, moreso than his own father. Which is saying a lot. When he looks back to where Dumbledore was standing - and it has only been a moment - the man is where to be seen. Completely disappeared from the corridor. 

Shaking his head in awe, James jogs back to the secret passageway. He sneaks inside it without even looking at the unguarded door to the room housing the exam questions. 

 

* 

 

He didn't know breaths have so many distinct sounds before this. Didn't know there was so much to them. His body is a mess with energy, buzzing uncontrollably like some electric charge controlling him. He speed-walks around his bedroom, bouncing his legs and cracking his fingers. Each breath is calculated, listened to precisely. Every tiny feature can be distinctly heard. "Next question!" he barks to an echo in the Gryffindor commonroom. 

"Uh... are you sure? You look like you're gong to faint. Are you having an attack?" 

Severus turns to Lily and narrows his eyes. He wishes she could switch on a ruthless asshole personality like Harry can. This isn't helping his nerves, to waste precious seconds on frivolous trifle! "No. Just - next question!" 

Lily's eyes flicker over one a random line in the textbook. "What are the effects of Wolfsbane?" 

"Ameliorate the effects of lycanthropy," 

"What's one of the difficulties using Wolfsbane?" 

"Wait, that's a question? It's very vague... sounds more like a normal OWLS question, not an Advanced NEWTS one," Severus thinks. 

"Maybe you need to add more detail in the Advanced exam?" Lily shrugs. "Just gimme as full an answer as you can," 

"The ingredients are expensive to find and even then, the potion is difficult to craft due to it's precise nature even with all knowledge and instruction available. The dosing is particularly difficult and needs to be applied to a person's exact specifications, so no two werewolves can have the same dosages,"

She checks the answer to compare it. "Basically verbatim what the textbook says!" Lily claps the book shut and hops from the table. She holds the textbook out for Severus. "You test me now," 

"Fine," he flicks through the pages and again, lands on a random one. "This one's on Skele-Grow. Fitting, I can imagine you dressed like a nurse," 

"Shut the fuck up," Lily gasps in mock offence. "I'll tell your boyfriend," 

"Hm, he'll never believe you. In his mind I'm innocent," 

"Yeeeeah no. You're a chaotic homosexual - like, the least innocent combo of words in history," 

"Oh so I made a sexist joke so you get to make a homophobic joke?" 

"That's how it works," Lily affirms with a laugh. 

Severus turns his attention back to the textbook, they really have wasted enough time. "What are the ingredients for Skele-Grow?" 

"Chinese chomping cabbage, puffer-fish, scarab beetles," Lily recites perfectly, having flashcards of this kind of thing hung around her bedspread, reinforcing them each night before falling asleep. "And it does what it says on the bottle - causes lost or broken bones to grow back," 

Severus nods slightly. "And its additional features? Kinda the same question as with Wolfsbane but the answer is a fuck-load longer," 

"Gross-tasting and painful, it's a very powerful apothecary tool. Lost or broken bones are completely regenerated. Applies to any bone of any species, not just human Witches and Wizards. Also animals, anthropomorphic creatures and other magical breasts," 

"Example?" Severus raises his eyebrows. "It says to give examples for detail marks," 

"Goblin, dragons, whatever - I'll add that in if the question comes up," 

"It's a dotting-i's and crossing-t's kind of thing. Just put down any random magical creatures with vertebrae," Severus agrees, groaning and falling into an armchair. He gets a glare from one of the Gryffindors, one of the few who inherently hate Slytherins. A Quidditch player who plays with James - that figures. With the frequency of his visits and the friend group he's already amassed among Lily's dorm the rest of the Gryffindors are forced to accept him. At least, forced to tolerate his presence. It's satisfying in a cruel way, Severus smirks. 

Heads turn to the door portrait to the commonroom, where Harry stands smiling. "Hi there. How's studying going?"

"Great!" Lily answers eagerly, snatching the textbook back from Severus. "We're on Advanced Potions!" 

"Good, just don't forget to study for DADA," 

"We won't," they answer in unison but with opposite energies. Harry is stunned by the stark difference between them - Lily is jubilant while Severus is fatigued to shit - but it's understandable. The amount of overthinking has been keeping him up at night. He paces around the room for hours. Harry feels so powerless to help him... he's forced to assume his other persona just to cope with it. So he doesn't destroy himself over the hopelessness of the situation. 

"I need to borrow Severus for just a moment," He says apologetically. Severus leaves the commonroom with him, knowing it's not merely for 'a moment' when the portrait swings closed and Harry leads him away, down a few floors and towards the front doors. 

"Sorry, I've missed you and needed attention," Harry admits once they're alone. He spins around swiftly and kisses Severus passionately. Starved of his feeling, of this intimacy. Harry has a huge intimacy kink, always has and being close to someone is necessary to his worth. He observes the blue-black bags hanging under Severus' eyes. "And you needed a break," 

Severus can't argue. He leans against Harry who walks him outside for fresh air, standing by the front entrance of the castle. They stare along the cobbled bridge. "You're more than ready for your exams. I'm really scared you're going to burn out," Harry admits. 

"It's happened before," Severus refutes. "Burning out is a part of being me. Overthinking, anxiety, expectations... I feel so inferior to everybody else. All I have is my will to not stop until my body gives up," 

"You refuse to give up until your body does?" Harry asks for clarification. 

"Even then I don't give up, I just cant do anything about it and burn out," 

"There isn't an iota of moderation in your life is there?" Harry chuckles. He's worried about Severus' health because of that, someone can only live at these extremes for so long. He survives without eating by overdosing on sugar. He gives into his insomnia by passing out when his mind gives up. And he wastes his energy until there's nothing left to do but burn out. "We're dealing with that once the exams are over. I'm giving you a pass for now because extremes have worked to get you this far,"

"Thanks for giving me a pass on being myself," Severus sighs. "I know you mean the best for me. You wanna keep me safe but I'm alright. I can function, I feel good even if I'm tired. You make me feel good! I'm dealing with everything, even if it doesn't seem that way. I promise," 

"Okay," Harry crosses his arms over his chest, wondering how he got so lucky to be thrown into this chaotic life. There's never a dull moment for him, it's just how he likes it. "Thanks, I feel better now,"


	23. Working Under Pressure

Quills furiously scratching across parchment. The deafening noise that echoes through the hall and crawls inside each student's ears. At the head of the isles in this boundless exam hall, a pendulum clock swings to count the seconds. Eventually, the deep toll of a bell rings strong throughout. "Quills down, please," announces the head invigilator. The noise ceases in a single second, a shock to the nervous system. For a second the students sit there stunned like zombies until each experiences a unique reaction. Some burst out crying, others laugh in triumph. One angrily swipes his papers off the desk in a fit of rage. Someone throws a pencil. Severus and Lily steal from the hall, laughing and exchanging thoughts on the exam. 

"What did you put for Question 7?" Asks Lily. 

"That one threw me off," Severus admits with a groan. "I didn't expect there to be an 8-mark question on Wolfsbane!"

"Guess that's the difference between the Advanced NEWTS and the OWLS..." 

There's still an hour before the practical Advanced Potions exam, worth 60% of their grade. So they go to Slughorn's lab and grill him over techniques, ensuring their knowledge is perfect and that they have a wide enough scope of applications for whatever they might throw at them. Just as the exam is due to begin, Severus and Lily enter the hall to take their seats. Before tney can though, Harry calls on them from down the corridor. He's running, to catch them, cloak comically billowing our behind like a cape. With seconds to spare, he reaches the doorway. 

"What is it? We have to-" Severus begins, but is cut off by a kiss immediate in its passion. Fierce and long, the lovers are pulled apart by the clock chime once again to start the exam. Harry places his hands firmly on Severus' shoulders, eyes flashing with a look of determined encouragement. 

"I'm not going to say good luck because you don't need it," Harry states with finality, just because he's superstitious. Severus nods before whisking into the exam hall with Lily, tall doors slamming closed behind them. 

2 hours later, they emerge from the potions hall. Smudges of black soot stick to Severus' white shirt, he's rolled up his sleeves and his arms are blackened from the wrist below by the ingredients. Lily's hair singed and smelling of smoke at the ends. Maybe there was a small explosion. Harry slides off the windowsill he was sitting on, approaching with nervous anticipation. His chest tight, hands wringing and clenched tightly with anticipatory dread. He knows Severus is clever, that doesn't stop him being a ball of stretched nerves. "Well?" he asks, fearing the worst when neither students says anything, their expressions to numb. Eyes glassy. 

Severus breaks into his favourite shit-eating grin. "We both got an Outstanding in the practical," 

Harry can't keep himself from letting out a small shout, before breaking into relieved laughter. "Oh my, that's fantastic!" tears spring in his eyes, he shouldn't be so proud... Harry remembers his own exam results, how nobody but his friends congratulated him. It must be the same for Severus. "Both of you, well done!" 

"Thank you Professor!" Lily can't stop smiling either, delightedly expecting her parents' doting reactions when the letter reaches them. 

"We must celebrate!" Harry decides. 

"Aren't we better doing that when all our proper results come in?" Severus asks, the grin now replaced by his trademark frown. Harry knows he's still excited though, he's just forcing it down for his reputation. 

"Yes, you're right," Harry admits sheepishly. "I got a little carried away - I'm just so excited!" 

James walks out the adjacent hall, them just having finished their OWLS. Harry rushes over, pulling him into a hug immediately. The result doesn't matter - he's still getting a hug. "How did it go?" Harry asks, once he's released him. This nervousness is back, though not so intensely considering he's only got one person to worry about now. 

"I got an Exceeds Expectations," James recites happily. "Hopefully I didn't do too shit in the exam and it'll round off to an Acceptable," 

None of them miss Severus' smug snort from behind. He doesn't even try to hide it, looking down at James with an air of superiority. Well, it's a victory he thinks he deserves considering the four years of misery James put him through. Not counting this year - he's been okay this year. Harry shoots Severus a glare, but only briefly before continuing to congratulate his son. 

"You really think you'll only get an Acceptable?" Harry frowns, then realises his mistake. He should still be encouraging James. "I'm so proud either way, it's fantastic just to pass and you deserve congratulations no matter what! But will you not be disappointed with an Acceptable?" 

James shrugs. "I'm only doing Potions because I have to. I'm more concerned with my Charms and DADA results," 

They're James' favourite subjects and the ones he thrives in. Of course he's more concerned with those. "I understand. Okay, as long as you're happy," 

"It might help if I had an ide what my results for DADA were..." James quirks a conspirator's eyebrow. 

"Ohhh you know I can't tell you _how well_ you've done," Harry winks down at him. "That wouldn't be fair on the other students," 

"Not even a hint?" James presses with a mock pout. He has so much fun messing with Harry. 

The teacher laughs and shakes his head, knowing James already got the hint. "No, not even a hint. Hogwarts policy and all," he raises his hands in surrender. 

"Damn," he jokingly curses. "Hey Lily, I'm going to wait for Remus outside the herbology hall. Their exam will finish soon. Wanna come wait with me?" 

Lily casts a glance at Severus, uncertain how he'd feel about it. She knows it doesn't matter but can't help consider his feelings. 

"Go already," Severus chuckles. "I really don't mind you hanging out with him, you know?"

"Thanks!" Lily kisses Severus' cheek and runs off with James, looking back just once to give him a grin and a wave. Severus watches her go with a  smile, one of the rare genuine ones Harry sees. 

"You really have learned not to hate my son, haven't you?" Harry gives him a knowing look from below. 

"Oh don't get me wrong - yo son has the personality of everyone's least favourite Muppet," Severus snorts, taking Harry's hand in his and turning toward him, pressing against his slightly. His other hand wraps around Harry waist. "But for your sake and Lily's I can tolerate him," he ends the sentiment with a strong kiss. 

"Understood," Harry chuckles. 

 

*

 

That night, Severus unwinds in Harry's quarters, like his second home now. He still has one exam left, but it's an OWL and he isn't so invested in it, not even planning on doing it as a NEWT next year. So he hangs out in Harry's room watching him grade the 1st and 2nd year exams. Of course, the NEWTS and OWLS exams are securely locked away from his prying eyes in Harry's trunk - and for good reason, Severus has been tempted a few times and even tried to charm the lock open once when Harry was in the shower. If he'd told James where the papers were kept, he could have succeeded with the charm and they'd know their results by now. He still might do that... 

Severus sits on the side of Harry's desk, playing with his hair while Harry writes. "Sev, you're going to put me to sleep," he groans, adjusting the brightness on of the oil lamp on his desk. Hogwarts may have modernised since the rustic nineties when he attended, but some things remain firmly rooted in magical history. Like the ban on Muggle tech and products, a rule Harry's broken more than once his year. 

"Oh good, something new I can tease you with," Severus continues playing with his hair in a slow, sleepy way that makes his eyes droop. Now he's the overworked one and it's an awful table to have turned against him. "You should sleep anyway, the first year exams don't even matter. I can grade them if you want," 

"Really?" Harry looks up, eyelids too heavy to look surprised. 

"Course I can," Severus smiles, sipping from a coffee mug. 

"Why would you want to do that?" Harry asks. "I thought my job is bullshit?" 

"Oh your job is bullshit, I haven't changed my mind on that. Okay, if I tell you will you go to sleep already?" 

"Maybe," 

"Okay," Severus exhales deeply. He hasn't shared this with anyone, he thinks it's stupid and still hasn't decided on it. He can't explain his desire, but know it's there. He desires to be a teacher. "Remember when we joked about me being a teacher, and agreed I'd be a shit one? Well I've been thinking of applying to teach. Here, after uni," 

"Really?" Harry sits up straight in his chair, no longer tired. "Why?"  

"I know how good a headteacher and mentor Dumbledore would be. And I already want to join his Order to be under his command. It's better than being an out-of-work Potions Master after I leave and watching you makes me see the job differently. I could make a real difference to the way Potions are taught here, improve the curriculum, modernise it and make real changes. I think - I don't know, am I being stupid?"

"Absolutely not!" Harry insists, standing up and hugging Severus close. "Not to say I don't think you'd be an insufferable hard-ass, but you'll still make a great teacher! And all those things you want to do, that's exactly what I wanted when I got qualified," 

"Thank Merlin you agree, cause the safety and security of student in this place is terrible - I mean, teachers can kiss their students and nobody bats an eye about it," he jokes darkly with a grin, making Harry shift uncomfortably. 

"Eheh, indeed. Well - if you want to be a teacher I'm going to do whatever I can to help you gain experience. Including letting you grade these papers," Harry slides them closer to where Severus is on the desk. 

"Thanks," Severus takes a seat in Harry's swivel chair, the other starting to get dressed for bed. He still wears those faded white and blue striped pyjamas that look straight out of 1930. Severus vows to burn them the moment Harry looks way - his fashion sense is just awful.  "I'm going to miss you over the holidays, Severus," 

Harry laments sadly as he lies in bed, looking at the ceiling. It's more of a thought to himself, one he didn't really mean to say out loud. He doesn't always notice when he's talking. 

"Miss me? We can't still see each other?" Severus asks oddly. What the Hell is Harry talking about? 

"Well, can you?" Harry asks. 

"Yeah, of course," Severus laughs. "Did you think I could stay away from you for 2 months? Not to mention this school hasn't been able to keep a DADA teacher for over a year - how id I know you were coming back? No, I'll make sure I see you. I can get the train down and spend a few days with you. Why, can't you come up and visit me?" 

Harry is uncomfortable again. "I mean... your parents," 

"Fuck them - they won't even notice if I bring you home. Too busy being at each other's throats to care," Severus dismisses, only skimming the first few sentences of this sloppily written first year exam. This handwriting is utterly atrocious and the ink swipes across the page. The kid is left handed, then. "No, it's fine. We won't miss one another over the holidays, we can still see each other," 

Severus begins to grade properly, focusing on the execution, knowledge and structure. Some of the answers are blatantly correct/ incorrect, others have marks, say out of 4, and he has to decide how many they are worth, how many points are made. "Harry? I gave this one a B, can you tell me if I graded it right?" there's no answer. He spins in his chair to see Harry lying in bed, his chest rising and falling softly. He's fallen asleep so quickly, he must have been exhausted. 

Severus wishes he could take a picture. Stretching across to reach, he kisses Harry on the cheek before pulling the blankets over him a little. "Night," he rolls back to the desk, ready to tackle and finish grading the mounds of work stacked before him. "Coffee," he whispers, brandishing his wand, and his cup refills. He opens the window slightly, letting fresh night air cool down his face.. The stacks of ungraded papers taunt him with their crisp white. This will be a long night. 


	24. The Results Day

No matter how many times Harry sees Severus in his Muggle attire, he doesn't think he'll ever get used to it. For one thing, the student favours a trend of ripped jeans and long sweaters. He's glued to his phone and always has minimum one earphone in. Though Severus always seems to lose them whenever he spends time with Harry, and they turn up again as soon as he leaves.

 Today however, Severus returns to the castle to visit Harry in his quarters, meaning his Muggle products must remain at home. It's only 3 weeks until school starts again, may as well practice in preparation of his withdrawal from technology. As it is the day exam results are issued, there are more students visiting. Last night he asked Lily if she was coming, or if she was just getting an owl to deliver them home. She gave him a feeble non-response and the conversation ended. She only does that if she's visiting James, who she's  become quite friendly with as far as Severus knows. 

Harry awaits him by the door, pulling him into a close embrace and giving him a lingering kiss. "I've missed you so much," he runs a hand through Severus' hair. 

"It's only been four days," Severus rolls his eyes though a light dusting of blush appears underneath it. "But I've missed you too," 

"Splendid, shall we?" he gestures to the castle. They enter the great hall, lit by the orange glow of candlelight from candles floating above their heads. 

"Yes, darling," Severus takes Harry's hand, walking through the castle with him. There are stares and whispers, neither of them acknowledge it. Arriving at the wide desk at the front of he hall, thick stacks of parchment present themselves to the. 

"Go ahead," Harry encourages, nudging his partner forward slightly towards the stacks. Severus gulps, feeling nervous. This feels like the anxiety of the Sorting Hat all over again. 

"Ahem, Severus Snape," he speaks his name, feeling silly introducing himself to the table covered in files. However, one stack glows brightly over the rest, puling out and levitating over towards him. It rests at in the centre, right in front of Severus. His name is written on the front in thick ink, handwriting he knows in Dumbledore's. He hand-writes all of these? 

Severus picks up the envelope. Only three sheets, but it feels so heavy in his hands. The thumping her can hear is his heart against his ribs, he realises. His body is nervous, but his mind calm. How does that work? Or is he numb to it? Slowly he peels away the opening, revealing a page of results under his name. 

Harry watches the paper fall to the floor, sliding across the smooth stone. He stares at Severus, who looks like a robot on sleep mode, with dread. Picking up the paper, he brushes off the light layer of dust now across the back, reading intently the results. 

_Severus Tobias Snape_

_Year 5._

_Advanced Potions N.E.W.T.- Outstanding_

_Athrimancy N.E.W.T - Outstanding_

_Astronomy N.E.W.T - Outstanding_

_Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts N.E.W.TS. - Exceeds Expectations_

_Magical Theory O.W.L. - Exceeds Expectations_

"Oh Severus, this is wonderful!" Harry laughs, grabbing him by the shoulders and spinning him around. He kisses him briefly before retuning to a tight hug. 

"Y-You're hurting me," Severus mutters, Harry finally releasing him from the iron grasp. 

"Sorry," he laughs. "I was just so excited! You did so well, this is amazing! I don't think I've ever seen results like these!" 

Severus chuckles. He's mildly pleased, is what he would describe himself as. Pleased with his results of course, but not so bold as to celebrate like Harry, Thankfully his partner's phone rings in his pocket and he answers it with glee. Still unable to contain himself, Harry's leg bounces on the floor as some way to release this suppressed energy. He got the technique from Severus and his nerves. "Hello?" he asks down the line. 

_"Hey Dad, it's me!_ " James had elected not to come to the castle for his results, but to have them delivered to his home by owl. Harry can hear Hermione's voice in the background, though unintelligible. The tone would suggest she's also on the phone, though. " _My results came in!"_  

"Stop teasing me, come on and tell me already! I've been dying of anticipation here," Harry laughs. 

_"I passed everything, even Potions! And got two Outstandings on my O.W.L.S!"_ James explains with a squeal of excitement. 

"Awesome, I knew you could do it!" Harry can't stop smiling from the overwhelming good news today. "What subjects?"

_"Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts!"_ Harry knew it would be those, at least suspected. His son is most talented with practical subjects, a natural flair for Wizardry that runs in the family. _"I had hoped for one in Flying too..."_

"Hey, you've won lots of trophies for the school Quidditch team this year! That says more about you than any grade could," 

_"Thanks dad - really. Oh, mum wants to know if you're coming to dinner with us tomorrow, to celebrate y'know?"_

"Of course I'm coming! You think I'd miss that?!" he asks down the phone, voice dripping with mock offence. It makes Severus laugh, who's standing casually by the table with his arms crossed over his chest. Harry and James' conversations are often tedious, but sometimes he gets little gems of amusement from the one-sided part he can hear. 

After some more pleasantries and Harry assuring James for the fourth time how proud he is, and how much money he's going to be getting as a reward, the phone call ends with a startling finality. Over ten minutes long, in Severus' mind Harry's voice has become permanently blended together with James' low utterings on the other end. "Shall we go?" Harry asks, and the clarity makes Severus return to reality. 

Truth is, he cannot escape that first moment when he opened the envelope and read his results. It plays on a never ending loop in his mind's eye. Opening the envelope. That ink, that elegant handwriting. Everything he's worked for reduced to a few words on a parchment strip. He has to cherish that moment, otherwise 365 days and 1,000 hours of studying will have felt so redundant. That isn't something he can handle right now. 

They stand on the balcony of the Astronomy Tower, eyes squinting in the late afternoon sun. It's dying down into a lilac sky and a chilly wind. Severus is cold in his thin t-shirt, but won't accept Harry's jacket for warmth. 

"What subjects are you doing next year?" Harry asks, standing on the balcony overlooking the Hogwarts grounds. Since he always has his NEWTS, surely there's nothing to do in his 6th and 7th Years? "Or are you even staying at school, since you have your NEWTS?" 

"I'll stick around to do Alchemy," 

"Of course - I don't know why I didn't just assume that," Harry chuckles. It does make sense, Alchemy sounds like the perfect subject for Severus. Hopefully it'll satisfy the logician within him so he can open up more and explore his emotional elements. Harry looks forward to that. 

"What about you, you're still going to be the DADA teacher next year right?"

"Oh, I don't know," Harry smirks. "This school has a centuries-old tradition of terrible DAD teacher turnovers. Why break that now?" 

To Harry's surprise, Severus wraps his arms around him from behind. He clings to him tightly, trembling at the thought of having to let him go. "Please stay and teach next year," Even if he won't have his class, Severus needs Harry to stay. He couldn't take a long distance relationship, only being able to see Harry in the holidays or on weekends. He remembers Harry telling him about his dream to live in a cottage in rural England, and feels suddenly guilty. He doesn't want to hold him back for the rest of his life, but similarly he can't let Harry go. Won't let him go. 

"I was joking," Harry promises, but Severus isn't sure he believes him. "I never had any plans to leave my post," 

That one is a lie, and Severus knows it. Still, he doesn't want to make Harry aware of his suspicions. If he knows Severus knows when he's lying, he'll change things and it'll make it harder to tell. "Sorry I overreacted," Severus wipes a small, real tear frim his eye. "Can we go get drunk in Hogsmead now?" 

"Fine," Harry relents, taking his hand and leading him down the spiral staircases to the ground floor. This tower is so tall and narrow, if harry wasn't a good flyer he'd be having vertigo. Severus steps tentatively down behind him, holding onto his occasionally for support. Getting to the top was easier than coming down. 

Before entering the bar, Harry places a charm on both of them, one that'll make the staff more easily manipulated when addressing them both. Immediately asked his age, Harry swoops in with. "He's 18, I assure you," and a wide, warm smile across his fake. The expression is grossly fake but the charm works to convince the bartender. "I'll take a glass of Malibu coconut rum and another of melon liquor. Oh and you never saw us here, okay?" 

"Okay!" he agrees happily, handing them both insanely strong bubbling liquor, that Severus thinks looks more like a potion than a drink. 

"I don't know what those are, but they sound super gay," Severus rolls his eyes at the orange and milky drinks Harry receives over the counter. Harry ignores him, though. 

"Do you prefer melon or coconut flavoured stuff?" 

"Uh, coconut? I think? Or maybe, uh..." 

"Ugh - fuck it," Harry shrugs, using his wand to harden the drinks to solids, switching them by half-and-half between the glasses before removing the charm. The drinks are mixed, and have a very nice balanced flavour when in that state, as it happens. Sitting together on a red leather loveseat in the corner, Severus snuggles into Harry's side. Entirely too trusting for someone so suspicious of everyone. "We can go for a walk in the forest later if you want, you can tell me all about the stars," 

"My last train is at midnight. Does that mean I can stay over?" Severus asks. 

"Yes, I'd rather you weren't lurking around King's Cross at that time anyway. Not that I don't think you can handle yourself - I simply pity anyone who tries to mug you," 

"Good, you should. I wouldn't hesitate to curse them into dust,"

"I hope that was a joke?" Harry quirks an eyebrow. 

"A half-joke," he admits. Damn the consequences. 

 

*

 

Entangled trees twisted into blackened knots of despair, who would have thought the Forbidden Forest to be such a romantic place? Though Harry remember seeing dazzling unicorns and majestic centaurs here so it must be miles of great beauty stretching across the countryside. A shame there are also such ruthless, murderous creatures lurking in these woods. It'd be a perfect place to relax. 

"Shit," Severus' foot slips on a branch, sliding down a small grassy mound and onto the crude path below. He sits, swaying and laughing between roots thicker than his waist. 

"You okay?" Harry laughs, almost falling himself, but stretching his legs to step down and get Severus. They lie together, staring at the sky that peeks through tiny gaps between black leaves. In the blue moonlight, Severus notices streaks of mud drying on his black jeans leg. He'll ask Harry to borrow some sweatpants for returning home tomorrow, he can just wash them when he gets to London. Though Harry better not expect the sweatpants back - or the sweater he stole from him last week. 

"I'm fine, you don't need to protect me," 

"I know," Harry rests his head in Severus' nape. "It sucks that we fell down - because I think I'm a little too drunk to get back up," 

"I fell down, you came down and make it too comfy to leave this spot," Severus groans. "But we have to. It's dangerous and y'know - outside. I prefer dark, tiny rooms over these spaces. They scare me," 

_Severus is oddly open when he's drunk,_ Harry thinks. "We should go back, come on now," Harry's legs hurt when he pushes himself up. He reaches down to help Severus up. Severus takes him hand, but just drags Harry back down, the teacher lying on top of him. 

They kiss for a long time, making out in between bouts of animated, sometimes sleepy conversation. Eventually Harry resigned to putting a protection spell over them, and a camouflage spell, and another to protect them from the elements should it rain overnight. They falls asleep in the embrace of the oldest tree in the forest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the end of this fic. It was my first Harry potter one and I learned a lot writing it. It was also super fun! And I hope fun to read also. I'll likely do a Wolfstar next, once I can figure out s plot.


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